Things That Better Not Happen

1. The Boston Red Sox better not beat the Tampa Bay Rays after being down 3-1 in the series. I’m still hopeful that the Rays will prevail after returning to Florida and the home crowd. They will have their ace, James Shields, on the mound for Game 6. Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton have proven to be two rising superstars on a team that could have field Josh Hamilton as well. Carl Crawford is already an established star as well as pitchers Matt Garza and possible future ace David Price. This young team will be good for a few years, but I don’t want to see the Red Sox or any other Boston team win another championship.

2. The Redskins better not go 1-2 or 0-3 in the softest part of their schedule after completing the hardest section at 4-1. Up next are the Browns, who defeated the Super Bowl champs Giants easily last Monday night. Washington should win, but I’m worried that the Redskins will take a conservative approach rather than trying to bury this team early. Just like they did against the Rams.

3. Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo better not play well despite a broken pinky and newly acquired Roy Williams makes an impact. Though Dallas gave up a lot for Williams when nobody really wanted him, the guy is a playmaker and could balance out the field. Owens should see less over the top help as Williams is capable of stretching the field as well. At least the Cowboys lost their punter for the year.

4. The Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas better not miss the entire season after sitting out all but 13 games last year. Arenas recently signed a huge contract and needs to be on the court if Washington hopes to make a run at the Eastern Conference title.

5. Kimbo Slice better not headline another EliteXC card. The Slice man was diced by Seth Petruzelli on Oct. 4 on national television. Petruzelli took the fight on one-hour notice and pounded Slice out in 14 seconds.

6. AROD and Madonna better not hook up now that they will soon be legally allowed to do so. I have Alex Rodriguez on my keeper fantasy baseball team and I’m afraid his career will sink much like Guy Ritchie’s after he married the Material Girl. Ritchie made “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” as well as “Snatch” pre-Madonna. What has he done since? You tell me.

7. This better not be the truth about Joe Paterno, but sadly I’m afraid it is. Sportscaster Brent Musburger said on the radio recently that he knows why his good friend Paterno keeps coaching. “This is a tough one for me because I have to say up front that JoePa is a dear friend of mine…I’ll tell your listeners the truth as to why he still does it. He is fearful—and he looks back at Bear Bryant (legendary Alabama coach) as the example—he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn’t fish, doesn’t play golf…he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he’s just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it.” Bear Bryant died just 28 days after announcing his retirement from Alabama.

8. David from Mount Pleasant better be joking. He is, right?

OUT AT HOME: Took the daughter to see WALL-E last night at the Byrd Theater. It was the first time I’d been to the Byrd since I returned to Richmond in 2005. I love that place. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to see the littering ad still playing. “SICK!”

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This makes me laugh. But they are good sports. Love seeing Cal and Eck belting out some notes.