Hail to Football

Now that professional football is once again in my life, like that first day when I can open the windows to my house and let the air shotgun through, I feel like I’ve woken up from a long sleep.

It’s a good thing since I haven’t been getting any sleep lately because of football.

Let’s start with Sunday.

I wake up in the morning between 9 and 10 o’clock to the smells of sunny-side-up eggs and bacon that my beautiful wife has prepared. Did I mention that she’s beautiful and deserving of a Coach purse?

I finish my breakfast and by 11, I put my Redskins flag outside the front door. My daughter and I will sit and watch it flap for a few minutes. It’s a fantastic sight.

At this point, I begin to get nervous. So instead of watching the pre-game shows, I generally do a few chores and other things to kill the time. My wife dresses the little one in a Redskins outfit, and by 12:30 p.m., I settle in to watch my beloved team.

Oh, I have the NFL Ticket, and it’s ridiculous.

I DVR the Redskins game and usually pause it at a crucial point. I’m not a smoker, but if I was, I would go outside and puff one real quick. Instead, I pace around, thinking of the outcome. When I get my nerve, I hit play and watch the result. This is a superstition, and last week, it produced some wonderful outcomes. It also helps me fast forward through the commercials.

Also, during this time, I have my laptop in front of me to monitor my six fantasy teams, three that are money leagues. I also track my pick ’em pool, which has a weekly prize of $250. And guess who cha-chinged that amount last week?

The NFL Ticket allows you to input two fantasy teams and will update you with a pop-up box on the bottom of the screen every time one of your players does something. So during the commercials of the Redskins game, I’ll flip over to the Ticket channels and watch the Lions and Calvin Johnson or the Rams and Stephen Jackson or the Browns and Derek Anderson. It’s sad, I know.

You may wonder where my wife is during all of this mess. I did say she’s wonderful, and a converted Redskins fan, but she’s not a sicko like me. So she and the kid leave around 1 p.m. to go shopping, usually at Target. They do this so I can have some alone time. Did I mention my wife is beautiful and deserving of some Burberry perfume?

They generally return at halftime, and after a quick hello and some kisses, they go do their own thing — the kid naps and the wife watches Legally Blonde or The Notebook or some other rerun movie.

If the Redskins win, I immediately turn to the postgame show on Comcast. I watch it while fist pumping every highlight, or doing the “21” sign, or gyrating parts unknown.

When I’ve had my fill of the taste of victory, I turn my attention to fantasy football and the pick ’em pool. If I have a chance to win the pool, I’ll flip around watching the games that I need to secure the cash. If I’m out, I’ll ask the wife to decide where to go out to dinner.

I will on occasion watch the Sunday Night game, but generally not. After all, I still have some father and husband responsibilities.

Monday is spent looking at stats and reading the Redskins fan board. Over and over again. Then there’s Monday Night Football, which I usually watch.

Tuesday is spent admiring or cursing my fantasy team, and reading the Redskins fan board and the team site.

I usually take Wednesday off from football to fulfill my other responsibilities so I can devote the last part of the week to my fall and winter passion.

On Thursday, it’s time to make my pick ’em pool picks. I don’t use any resources other than my brain when I select the winners. At this point, I have read and consumed enough information to make decent selections.

Friday, it’s time to start thinking about the next game. This week, it’s the Cardinals. I’m biting my nails at this very moment. The freaking birds always give the Redskins trouble. So to temper my nerves, I do my fantasy football moves and set the lineups. We usually go out to dinner, and I light up when my wife asks me about the Redskins’ chances of winning on Sunday. She pretends to be interested and gives me reassurance that the team will not break my heart in two days. Did I mention my wife is beautiful and deserving of Tiffany’s sterling silver Heart Tag Charm Toggle bracelet?

Saturday is family day. I graduated from VCU, so there’s no college football in my life, thank God. We go out and explore the area, hang with friends or family, run errands and do yard work. I usually stay up late, playing video games or watching movies. I also do it so I can sleep in on Sunday and be that much closer to game time.

Then I wake up Sunday to the smells of sunny-side-up eggs and bacon.
Life is good.

OUT AT HOME: I read this week that social networking sites have replaced porn sites as the most searched on the Internet. Wow. I’d better figure out Facebook.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Like a lightning bolt out of nowhere. Wow.