Maybe number two stole the cookie from the cookie jar...

Oh, thank you, Gods of News, for your deus ex machina rescue of the boring start-of-summer news stories -- no state budget, the soccer World Cup, war in Iraq, blah blah blah.

Thank you, great Titans of Typeset, for the Cookie Caper.

I had initially worried that the story about boys at Hungary Creek Middle School getting suspended for eating cookies that didn’t belong to them would fade, nay crumble, and disappear from the newspaper. But lo! In your infinite wisdom, Rulers of Reportage, you gave us a trail of crumbs -- more suspects! Indignant parents! Gatorade!

And the alliteration! The puns! Cookie Caper. Cookie Culprits. “That’s the part his mother finds most crummy.” Sigh. It doesn’t get any better than this. Just when there were no legs left in the Maymont Bear story and our post-Elliott malaise hit and we thought we’d be subject to the mind-numbing details of battle between the governor and the attorney general over the legislature’s failure to enact …

…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

…oh, where was I? Just then, oh Great Gods of Distraction, you swoop in on your golden chariot and save us all.