Come on, Yankee, you know you wanna ...

Hey there, race fans! It's race weekend in Richmond, with the Busch Series Emerson Radio 250 thundering into town tonight and the Nextel Cup Series Chevy Rock & Roll 400 kicking it into high gear under lights tomorrow night at RIR ...
I'm sorry, what?
You're not a race fan? Ooooh, you're from up North. You just don't "get it," right? A bunch guys driving around in a circle ... how is that a sport?
First of all, it's an oval.
And second of all, maybe I can put it into sophisticated terms you will understand:
Aren't we all just going around in circles (or ovals) every day? Get up, shower, get dressed, get the kids off to school, go to work, get a new one ripped, rip someone else a new one, come home, eat whatever, watch whatever, kiss the kids, go to bed, get up, shower, get dressed ...
The oval of life.
And doesn't it all go by so fast? The summer went so fast. The kids grow so fast. It's all a blur...
Hmm, sort of like Tony Stewart's view at 120 mph?
So racing, therefore, is more than a sport. It's a metaphor.
Still, for those of us who don't need our sports to be metaphorical, it's just cool. Now, truly, I am no gearhead. I have no idea what a restrictor plate is restricting. I don't even watch but a bit of the races, but I can't deny anymore that there is something so awesome about it. Especially if you have ever been there, which I was once when I wrote a story about NASCAR back in 1999 for Style Weekly. I described the simultaneous ignition of 43 engines as "thunder in the ears, an earthquake in the chest." (It's not plagiarizing if I quote myself, is it?) And you simply have to bow down to that kind of power. And while they are not exactly football players in their tight pants there is something appealing about a boy covered in logos. Yes, ladies, NASCAR is for you too. Remember, the sport runs on two kinds of fuel — gasoline and testosterone, one of which doesn't cost you $3.29 a gallon to enjoy.
(Funny aside: As I was spell-checking this post, the spell checker suggested that I replace NASCAR with MASCARA.)