The Blog Squad

The Hall of Fame calls for the Moose

2008-11-21T11:37:00.003-05:00

Mike Mussina threw one last knuckle curve when he officially announced his retirement Thursday. The pitch surprised many, especially after the “Moose” won 20 games last year for the first time in his career.

But the former right-hand pitcher for the Baltimore Orioles and New York Yankees had known about retirement since January when he summed up his current career of mounting injuries, modest records and an expiring contract. All those factors pointed to leaving the game after 18 years.

“I lied to all of you,” Mussina said at a press conference Thursday. “I knew that that was going to be my last year since the first day of spring training.”

Despite the secret, Mussina did not coast in his final season. He made 34 starts, pitched 200 innings and had a 3.37 ERA. Mussina became the Yankees ace after Chien-Ming Wang went down with an injury after 15 starts.

It was like the last year of high school,” Mussina said. “You know it’s going to end and you just enjoy the ride.”

Mussina beat Tampa Bay on Sept. 2 to improve his record to 17-7. He still had five more starts to accomplish something he had never done before. In his career, he recorded 18 wins five times and 19 victories twice. But he never reached the magical 20 mark.

Sportswriters and those who vote or have an opinion on the Baseball Hall of Fame questioned whether a pitcher who had never won a World Series or a Cy Young Award or 20 games in a season was deserving of enshrinement.

Mussina left more doubt as he lost his next two starts and pitched horrible in the process. He gave up 15 hits and nine earned runs in 11 innings.

But with the end so near and the Yankees out of postseason contention, Mussina rallied and allowed just one earned run in his final three starts. He went six innings and allowed three hits and no runs to beat Boston in his final appearance.

Mussina had finally reached 20 wins.

Now there should be no doubt about whether the man belongs in Cooperstown.
Here is some evidence.

* Mussina won 270 games in his career and only 32 pitchers in the history of baseball have won more.

* Mussina’s career record is 270-153 and only 20 other pitchers have finished 100 or more games over .500. Of those 20, there are 16 in the Hall of Fame with the other four, Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez, Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine likely to be voted in as well.

* He never won a Cy Young Award, but neither did Nolan Ryan, Juan Marichal, Phil Niekro or Don Sutton, all in the Hall of Fame.

*Mussina’s .638 career winning percentage is higher than these likely Hall of Fame candidates: Maddux, Glavine, Curt Schilling and John Smoltz.

The biggest question is whether Mussina will enter as an Oriole or Yankee. Only Mussina can answer that. But here are some stats to consider.

*He played 10 of his 18 seasons in Baltimore.

*He won 147 of his 270 victories with the Orioles.

*He recorded 1,535 of his 2,813 strikeouts wearing the orange and black.

*He made five all-star appearances as a member of the Baltimore Orioles.
Mussina remains popular among Oriole fans who can never forget his gutsy performance in the 1997 ALCS against the Cleveland Indians. In Game 3, Mussina struck out 15 but the Orioles lost 2-1 in 12 innings. He came back to shut out the Indians in Game 6, but Baltimore failed to score as well and lost 1-0 in 11 innings. The defeat sent the birds home from the playoffs.

OUT AT HOME: I’m coaching middle school girls’ basketball and was asked by one of the players if I had seen High School Musical 3. I told her that I don’t want High School Musical, but I had seen Grease. Her reply was “Grease is gross. They smoke, dance funny and talk about summer loving.” Her answer got me wondering. If High School Musical isn’t about doing bad things in high school, then what’s the point?

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This is incredible.

Never Too Old to Play

2008-11-06T13:03:00.003-05:00

I’ve often thought about the future, when my salt and pepper hair turns permanently silver, what will I be doing?

I dream of waking up, ambling to the back patio and leaning against the deck railing to watch wave after wave crash onto the shore. I’ve thought of eyeing a 150-yard seven-iron shot into the wind and sticking it 5 feet from the pin. I’ve wished for a golden age of driving the country, seeing up close the many wonders I’ve glimpsed on the Discover Channel.

But never, ever would I consider doing what Ken Mink does in his 73rd year on Earth.

It was just last year when Mink was hitting jumper after jumper in his driveway that he thought he could still play.

Yeah, by play he means college ball, like he did in 1956 at Lees (Ky.) Junior College, which abruptly ended when he was dismissed for allegedly soaping the coach’s office with shaving cream.

So after telling his wife, he wrote to several colleges.

Roane State Community College (Harriman, Tenn.) coach Randy Nesbit invited him to play.

“I’m not very good at saying no,” said Nesbit, 50, to the Knoxville News Sentinel. “It’s a gesture of good will to help a fine man find closure. Why not?”

Ever since that acceptance letter, Mink has spent his time, seven to eight hours a week, getting in shape for the upcoming season.

He ran. He played pickup ball. He joined the senior Olympic team (3-on-3, halfcourt) and finished second in tournaments in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia. He even won the Tennessee state free-throw championship by hitting 19 of 20 shots.

His goal is to have enough stamina to play full speed for 10- to 15-minute stretches, though that’s being optimistic. He’s likely to receive a third of that time on the court.

Last month, he visited the school’s doctor, who cleared him to play. Now he’s practicing with his fellow Raiders.

“The team makes allowances for Ken at practice when they need to, and they all encourage him,” Nesbit said in the New Sentinel. “We look to be fairly strong, so hopefully we’ll have some games decided early. I’m sure he’ll have the opportunity to play.

“Our weakness last year was experience; I think I’ve taken care of that.”

Mink commutes 35 miles to the community college and is taking 12 hours of credits.

“I'm in class with a bunch of kids with their hats turned on backwards, but they are all amazed when I tell them what I’m doing,” Mink said in the News Sentinel. “The kids say their grandfathers are my age, and they can't get out of bed. Actually, I am older than the teachers and the school president.”

And he’s nearly twice the age of the school, which was established in 1971.

Mink has ties to the News Sentinel, where he worked as Sunday editor and entertainment editor from 1972-85. He also was city editor of the Kingsport Times (1985-88) and managing editor of the Harrisonburg (Va.) Daily News Record (1988-1998).

He’s the author of So You Want Your Kid to Be a Sports Superstar and plans to write a book about his Roane State experience titled Season From the Past.

Go get'em Mr. Mink. I’m rooting for you.

OUT AT HOME: I’ve had a Facebook page for about a year now. But I’ve never really done anything with it until recently because I thought it was for college kids. But friends from way back, as far as elementary school have found me. It’s fun to catch up with people you used to play straw football with at lunchtime. Facebook does have a purpose.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: The best pregame warmup I’ve ever seen.

The NBA’s Rare Air

2008-11-04T11:27:00.002-05:00

I can’t watch the NBA anymore. Not because the product is entirely bad. It’s because I’m so disgusted by the attitudes of players like Stephon Marbury that I can’t invest my time or money anymore.

The guy is due to make $21.9 million this season. That’s a lifetime of money for you, me and a couple dozen of our friends. The problem is, he hasn’t played yet for the New York Knicks and has been deactivated indefinitely.

Does he care? He doesn’t show it.

It’s the same Stephon Marbury who has destroyed every team he’s been on. It’s the same guy who quit on the Knicks a few times last year and pouts when he doesn’t get his way. When he was starting at the point, Marbury led the Knicks to a pair of all-time worse records and then shrugged his shoulders.

Now New York is unsure what to do with him. Nobody will trade for a veteran point guard who has lost a step and a few inches on his vertical, especially one who is guaranteed $21.9 million. So a trade is out of the question. The Knicks hope they can convince him that a buyout of his contract will be best for all involved. It will allow Marbury freedom to play for another team while New York saves a few bucks and rids itself of this pariah.

My guess is that Marbury will not do that and try to collect all $21.9 million while not playing a single minute of the season.

How can I relate to that?

To be fair, the NBA is not entirely filled with players like Marbury, but there are quite a few and enough that I’m turned off by the air up there. Unlike the NFL, NBA players sign guaranteed contracts.

I feel fortunate that I can earn a competitive salary at a job I truly love. That sense of good luck pushes me to work harder and improve to become a better professional. I could never get away with Marbury’s attitude.

There’s a lot to admire about some NBA players. They are truly some of the most gifted athletes on the planet. They simply take my breath away with what they can do to defy gravity, and for a moment, I join them in space. But when they return to Earth and jolt me back to reality, I am reminded that we have nothing in common.

At 38, I might be too old for the NBA. And I might not be hip-hop enough, although I still enjoy old-school rap.

Every time I want to give the NBA another chance, I remember Latrell Sprewell, who was insulted after being offered a 3-year, $21 million contract extension at age 34. He famously said, “I have a family to feed.” He declined the extension and had the worse season of his career. He never signed another contract and has since experienced financial ruin.

The NBA? No thanks. I don’t have time. I need to work for a living. I need to feed my family.

OUT AT HOME: Whoever becomes our next president, I hope that person can truly bring the changes we desperately need.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This is funny. Beware of mascots.

The Double Switch

2008-10-24T11:25:00.006-04:00

To use a baseball term, Los Angeles Times sportswriter Mike Penner has pulled off the double switch.

Penner wrote an inspirational column 18 months ago about how he was going on vacation as Mike and returning as Christine Daniels.

“I am a transsexual sportswriter,” he revealed. “It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words. I realize many readers and colleagues and friends will be shocked to read them.”

Indeed, many were surprised, and intrigued. His revelation became one of the most read LA Times pieces in 2007. He found support from his editors and the staff as he bravely embarked on his new life. Though not publicly stated, Penner must have received some level of understanding from his wife, fellow sportswriter Lisa Dillman.

“This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship,” Penner wrote.

For the past 18 months, Daniels has written a blog “Woman in Progress” at latimes.com. Then inexplicably, the site was removed on Oct. 21.

LA Observed broke the news and quoted Sports Editor Randy Harvey: “We’re looking forward to Mike’s byline appearing in the paper and on the website with increased frequency. He continues to be a valued member of our sports staff.”

Not to state the obvious, but Harvey used “Mike” and “he” to describe his sportswriter. Not “Christine” and “she.” This leads one to wonder, what happened to change this woman’s mind?

Penner has yet to divulge, and the feeling is there might never be an explanation. He was so forthcoming when he came out, yet this switch, if it’s permanent, seems much different. Much more personal. Much more painful.

Is coming out of the closet easier than going back in?

I would love to hear from those who have experienced and wrestled with similar feelings. Is there a sense of failure? Is there a trust issue with the awareness of one’s self? Is there embarrassment? Did he encounter more hate and pressure with his transition than he expected? All of the above and more?

OUT AT HOME: The daughter is developing an imagination. She told me the other day that she was holding a pretend snowball. I guess because it’s getting cold outside. I asked her what color. “Yellow!” she said. Yikes. I told her she never wants to hold a yellow snowball. “Brown!” Um, no. I told her she never wants to hold a brown snowball either. “Blue!” I told her it was fine to hold blue snowballs.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: A student kicks a field goal during halftime and wins free rent for a year. The coach takes notice and invites him to join the team. Now the student may be the kicker for the No. 6 team in the nation.

A Crash Course on Bollywood

2008-10-22T13:27:00.011-04:00

In our November magazine — The Global Issue — WRIR radio show host DJ Carlito is featured for his monthly Bollywood dance nights at Cous Cous in the heart of VCU’s campus. To get a better understanding of the Indian entertainment form that has consumed him and that he shares with Richmonders, we asked DJ Carlito, aka Carl Hamm, to give us a quick video tour of the foreign-film genre. Here, we turn it over to our guest DJ for a quick tour of Bollywood via YouTube. —The editors.

From DJ Carlito:

This is probably the best primer course on Bollywood that I could put together at the drop of a hat — and this is only a sampler of songs, scenes and trailers of India’s very prolific film industry.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na is a hugely popular newer movie.

Where's the Party Tonight is a good example of modern Bollywood dance music.

Sukbhir, Punjabi MC and Dalher Mehndi are just a few awesome Punjabi artists.

A good example of a newer Indian hit is Kismat Connection.

Another film, Dus, was also quite popular recently, in the past few years.

Some remakes have brought back classic Bollywood films such as Don (find its original below), starring Sharukh Khan, and Karz (also below but now called Om Shanti Om, also starring Sharukh).

Other new hits include Boys, a recent Tamil movie.

One thing about India’s movies: Bollywood cranks out more films than Hollywood, so it’s near-impossible for me to keep up with the most recent movies.

But to have a frame of reference here are some of the all-time classics that I would recommend people watch first — the ones that got me hooked. (And the older movies show more traditional Indian culture and less of the more modern urban vibe.)

A list:

Pakeezah, a poetic, heartbreaking romantic epic tragedy. It was Meena Kumari's last movie.

Baiju Bawra (an earlier Meena Kumari film — she was truly the best and her life was a tragic story too.)

Here is my favorite classic Indian song from 1955's Seema.

Satyam Shivam Sundaram is beautiful, very spiritual and utterly poetic. This song was covered by Thievery Corporation on their latest album, The Cosmic Game.

For all-time classic action movies, I suggest Sholay (also here) , and Don (also here).

And check out Bollywood’s assimilation of the disco era: Karz (above as Om Shanti Om); Hum Kissise Kum Naheen and Disco Dancer (this song was covered by M.I.A.).

To see the East-meets-West ‘60s vibe, check these out:
Yaadon Ki Baarat (also here) and Purab aur Paachim.

My all-time favorite actress is Smita Patel because she portrayed women in a new light. Unfortunately, she died in her 30s after childbirth. Along with another actress, Shaban Azmi, Patel was known for being a more political actress in her early career, playing in "art films" as they were classified in India. Here's Mirch Masala where she fights her pursuers with hot pepper powder.

Thanks for letting me share my appreciation of Bollywood and the Indian culture —DJ Carlito

Things That Better Not Happen

2008-10-17T19:17:00.002-04:00

1. The Boston Red Sox better not beat the Tampa Bay Rays after being down 3-1 in the series. I’m still hopeful that the Rays will prevail after returning to Florida and the home crowd. They will have their ace, James Shields, on the mound for Game 6. Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton have proven to be two rising superstars on a team that could have field Josh Hamilton as well. Carl Crawford is already an established star as well as pitchers Matt Garza and possible future ace David Price. This young team will be good for a few years, but I don’t want to see the Red Sox or any other Boston team win another championship.

2. The Redskins better not go 1-2 or 0-3 in the softest part of their schedule after completing the hardest section at 4-1. Up next are the Browns, who defeated the Super Bowl champs Giants easily last Monday night. Washington should win, but I’m worried that the Redskins will take a conservative approach rather than trying to bury this team early. Just like they did against the Rams.

3. Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo better not play well despite a broken pinky and newly acquired Roy Williams makes an impact. Though Dallas gave up a lot for Williams when nobody really wanted him, the guy is a playmaker and could balance out the field. Owens should see less over the top help as Williams is capable of stretching the field as well. At least the Cowboys lost their punter for the year.

4. The Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas better not miss the entire season after sitting out all but 13 games last year. Arenas recently signed a huge contract and needs to be on the court if Washington hopes to make a run at the Eastern Conference title.

5. Kimbo Slice better not headline another EliteXC card. The Slice man was diced by Seth Petruzelli on Oct. 4 on national television. Petruzelli took the fight on one-hour notice and pounded Slice out in 14 seconds.

6. AROD and Madonna better not hook up now that they will soon be legally allowed to do so. I have Alex Rodriguez on my keeper fantasy baseball team and I’m afraid his career will sink much like Guy Ritchie’s after he married the Material Girl. Ritchie made “Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels” as well as “Snatch” pre-Madonna. What has he done since? You tell me.

7. This better not be the truth about Joe Paterno, but sadly I’m afraid it is. Sportscaster Brent Musburger said on the radio recently that he knows why his good friend Paterno keeps coaching. “This is a tough one for me because I have to say up front that JoePa is a dear friend of mine…I’ll tell your listeners the truth as to why he still does it. He is fearful—and he looks back at Bear Bryant (legendary Alabama coach) as the example—he is fearful that he would not be with us if he stepped away. He is a man that doesn’t fish, doesn’t play golf…he has no other interest other than his family and football. And he’s just afraid what would happen with the rest of his life if he walks away from it.” Bear Bryant died just 28 days after announcing his retirement from Alabama.

8. David from Mount Pleasant better be joking. He is, right?

OUT AT HOME: Took the daughter to see WALL-E last night at the Byrd Theater. It was the first time I’d been to the Byrd since I returned to Richmond in 2005. I love that place. I was pleasantly surprised, however, to see the littering ad still playing. “SICK!”

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This makes me laugh. But they are good sports. Love seeing Cal and Eck belting out some notes.

The Spat

2008-09-26T14:02:00.004-04:00

It’s Dallas Week for Redskins fans, but the real drama for the past few days did not include any players.

Typically, fans would expect a little smack being talked between the players and maybe even the coaches, but oh, how times have changed. Instead, a big spat erupted between the Redskins executive vice president of football operations and the Washington Post’s beat reporter.

If you don’t know the history of Vinny Cerrato and Jason La Canfora, then let me briefly catch you up — the reporter believes he’s entitled to information when he wants it and since the VP won’t give him any, the former has been very negative in his coverage of the team.

Some have said La Canfora is doing his job since Cerrato and his boss, owner Daniel Synder, have not produced a consistent winner. However, others have suggested that La Canfora has gone out of his way to find negative information and won’t stop until Cerrato (and even Snyder) is gone from Washington.

It’s sort of a “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us.”

This latest donnybrook started when it was announced that Cerrato would host a radio show on ESPN 980, which is owned by Snyder. Cerrato would host the Washington-area show, called “Inside the Red Zone,” for four hours per week.

Well, this bit of news didn’t sit well with La Canfora, and he let his feelings be known. The reporter/columnist suggested in the piece that no other NFL executive was doing such a thing. But that bit of information is misleading. Bill Polian, the Indianapolis Colts president, hosts his own show. Granted, Polian’s program is one hour a week in the evening, but Cerrato isn’t the only executive with a microphone.

This is the kind of slanted writing has many people wondering how La Canfora has a job.

But never mind that for a second. La Canfora made a more dire suggestion a few days later. He decided to call the league office after Cerrato spoke to NFL Network’s Adam Schefter about the possible firing of Lane Kiffin of the Oakland Raiders.

La Canfora asked the NFL if what Cerrato was doing could constitute as “tampering” because he was speaking about another coach while that coach was still employed. Obviously, it wasn’t, and even casual fans could answer that question.

So why did La Canfora call the NFL?

Cerrato responded Monday on the radio.

Well, fan reaction was a bit skewed. Many were very angry at La Canfora. Fans wanted him taken off the beat immediately. And those were the gentler responses.

What happened next?

The Washington Post sports editor, either receiving some bad advice or itching to become part of the drama, issued his own statement. It’s very noble to try and protect your reporter, but this was one time the sports editor or any editor needed to keep his mouth shut. Let the situation blow over. After all, it is Dallas Week. Fans will forget.

Instead, the sports editor made his reporter look at worse lazy, and at best, vindictive.

Consider this part: Here’s what NFL spokesman Michael Signora had to say: “Jason LaCanfora (sic) called our office and said that Vinny Cerrato was talking in specifics on his radio show about the Raiders’ coaching position. Jason wanted to know if that could possibly be a tampering issue. Jason has been told that there is no general prohibition against publicly talking about another team’s players or staff. It routinely occurs throughout the league.”

(By the way, did you notice how the sports editor spelled his own reporter’s name? This is the Washington Post. The standard should be the highest in journalism. This mistake is inexcusable.)

So the NFL says this routinely occurs throughout the league. Duh. Almost every day. All a person has to do is read stories about an NFL coach or executive on the hot seat and there are people connected to teams, named and unnamed, who are quoted about the given situation.
Why doesn’t La Canfora know this?

Could it be he wanted to get the Redskins in trouble through this feeble attempt and masked it with an explanation of ignorance? Okay, I’ll play dumb. If he was indeed ignorant about the tampering rules, why didn’t he check the rulebook that should be handy in the newsroom instead of bothering the league office? Or better yet, why didn’t he read his own paper’s story about tampering written just six months ago?

At least one other media person tended to agree with outraged fans. La Canfora answered this media member’s e-mail and showed a tremendous amount of class.

Then mixed in with this ugly situation is a rant by the team’s play-by-play man Larry Michael, who showed an equal amount of graciousness during an episode of Redskins Nation.

So that’s where it ends, for now.

My take on it is “wow,” this is better than Dallas Week and more like Dallas, the old-school TV soap. I read everything I could on the drama. And that, my friend, is exactly why this is all going on. La Canfora knows that the more he hates on the Redskins, the more hits the Washington Post Web site gets. That makes his bosses very happy.

I’d be interested to know what the hit count was for the episodes. I would guess they would be in the top 5 ever at www.washingtonpost.com.

OUT AT HOME: This is with my head and not my heart. Redskins 27, Cowboys 21.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Here’s another recent case of an NFL executive and a newspaper writer going at it. I laughed when the columnist said something like “I would very much like to own a piece of the Raiders” after he was threatened.

Hail to Football

2008-09-19T15:09:00.002-04:00

Now that professional football is once again in my life, like that first day when I can open the windows to my house and let the air shotgun through, I feel like I’ve woken up from a long sleep.

It’s a good thing since I haven’t been getting any sleep lately because of football.

Let’s start with Sunday.

I wake up in the morning between 9 and 10 o’clock to the smells of sunny-side-up eggs and bacon that my beautiful wife has prepared. Did I mention that she’s beautiful and deserving of a Coach purse?

I finish my breakfast and by 11, I put my Redskins flag outside the front door. My daughter and I will sit and watch it flap for a few minutes. It’s a fantastic sight.

At this point, I begin to get nervous. So instead of watching the pre-game shows, I generally do a few chores and other things to kill the time. My wife dresses the little one in a Redskins outfit, and by 12:30 p.m., I settle in to watch my beloved team.

Oh, I have the NFL Ticket, and it’s ridiculous.

I DVR the Redskins game and usually pause it at a crucial point. I’m not a smoker, but if I was, I would go outside and puff one real quick. Instead, I pace around, thinking of the outcome. When I get my nerve, I hit play and watch the result. This is a superstition, and last week, it produced some wonderful outcomes. It also helps me fast forward through the commercials.

Also, during this time, I have my laptop in front of me to monitor my six fantasy teams, three that are money leagues. I also track my pick ’em pool, which has a weekly prize of $250. And guess who cha-chinged that amount last week?

The NFL Ticket allows you to input two fantasy teams and will update you with a pop-up box on the bottom of the screen every time one of your players does something. So during the commercials of the Redskins game, I’ll flip over to the Ticket channels and watch the Lions and Calvin Johnson or the Rams and Stephen Jackson or the Browns and Derek Anderson. It’s sad, I know.

You may wonder where my wife is during all of this mess. I did say she’s wonderful, and a converted Redskins fan, but she’s not a sicko like me. So she and the kid leave around 1 p.m. to go shopping, usually at Target. They do this so I can have some alone time. Did I mention my wife is beautiful and deserving of some Burberry perfume?

They generally return at halftime, and after a quick hello and some kisses, they go do their own thing — the kid naps and the wife watches Legally Blonde or The Notebook or some other rerun movie.

If the Redskins win, I immediately turn to the postgame show on Comcast. I watch it while fist pumping every highlight, or doing the “21” sign, or gyrating parts unknown.

When I’ve had my fill of the taste of victory, I turn my attention to fantasy football and the pick ’em pool. If I have a chance to win the pool, I’ll flip around watching the games that I need to secure the cash. If I’m out, I’ll ask the wife to decide where to go out to dinner.

I will on occasion watch the Sunday Night game, but generally not. After all, I still have some father and husband responsibilities.

Monday is spent looking at stats and reading the Redskins fan board. Over and over again. Then there’s Monday Night Football, which I usually watch.

Tuesday is spent admiring or cursing my fantasy team, and reading the Redskins fan board and the team site.

I usually take Wednesday off from football to fulfill my other responsibilities so I can devote the last part of the week to my fall and winter passion.

On Thursday, it’s time to make my pick ’em pool picks. I don’t use any resources other than my brain when I select the winners. At this point, I have read and consumed enough information to make decent selections.

Friday, it’s time to start thinking about the next game. This week, it’s the Cardinals. I’m biting my nails at this very moment. The freaking birds always give the Redskins trouble. So to temper my nerves, I do my fantasy football moves and set the lineups. We usually go out to dinner, and I light up when my wife asks me about the Redskins’ chances of winning on Sunday. She pretends to be interested and gives me reassurance that the team will not break my heart in two days. Did I mention my wife is beautiful and deserving of Tiffany’s sterling silver Heart Tag Charm Toggle bracelet?

Saturday is family day. I graduated from VCU, so there’s no college football in my life, thank God. We go out and explore the area, hang with friends or family, run errands and do yard work. I usually stay up late, playing video games or watching movies. I also do it so I can sleep in on Sunday and be that much closer to game time.

Then I wake up Sunday to the smells of sunny-side-up eggs and bacon.
Life is good.

OUT AT HOME: I read this week that social networking sites have replaced porn sites as the most searched on the Internet. Wow. I’d better figure out Facebook.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Like a lightning bolt out of nowhere. Wow.

Local No. 3, for Free!

2008-09-18T15:29:00.002-04:00

Back in January 2006, as part of "Comics Capital," a feature package looking at Richmond's comics scene, I interviewed Brian Wood, the writer behind Local, a comic-book series in which each installment takes place in a different city. Why? The third issue, which revolves around the fictional Richmond band Theories and Defenses, is set here. Now, more than two years after that interview was published, Local is getting collected into a single volume, and in honor of the occasion, the publisher, Oni Press, has put the entire third issue up on its MySpace page.

Losing It

2008-09-12T15:22:00.002-04:00

Did you hear about the 22-year-old woman who is publicly auctioning her virginity to pay for her college education? No, it’s not a joke. And in the next breath, she says she wants the bidding to hit $1 million.

Now I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale, so I don’t know how much a higher education costs. But I’m pretty sure not $1 million. Can you imagine the monthly student loan payment on that bill?

Maybe I’m wrong. After all, I have been out of college for 13 years. Maybe it does cost that much. If that’s the case, my daughter had better be satisfied with going to a state school, or better yet, be prepared to sell off her virginity.

Strike that.

No daughter of mine will ever go to a state school. I want her to do better than I did.

In all seriousness, this woman, who calls herself Natalie Dylan for “safety reasons,” says she feels empowered by her decision.

“I don’t think auctioning my virginity will solve all my problems,” she said on a celebrity television show, The Insider, on Wednesday. “But it will create some financial stability. I’m ready for the controversy. I know it will come along. I’m ready to do this.”

She later added this gem, “We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?”

What really shocked me about her comments? The “solve all my problems” part. Apparently, she has more than financial problems.

The story continued to make me shake my head when I learned that after eBay turned her down, she decided to go with a Nevada brothel, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. I believe that’s the place made famous by the HBO series.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that her sister works there, allegedly to pay off her college debts?

It’s not that I want to control this woman’s body with angry and harsh words of morality. I have no right. Her body is hers. I respect that.

What concerns me--and maybe it's the romantic in me--is I honestly believe that many of us want to lose our virginity to someone we love. Or lust after. Giving a part of ourselves like our virginity should somewhat be a private affair. Something that bonds two people, for better or worse, forever in a spiritual way. Not in a capitalistic way.

Natalie Dylan said she needs the money. That’s fine. But what if she gets $1 million? Will that open the eyes and legs of other virgins? How is that not prostitution?

And not to be crude, but some of us are virgins in many areas of sex. We may think we’re porn stars, but we haven’t even come close to doing the things that appear on even late night Cinemax. So will we eventually see a Web site, eLay, pop up and offer other areas of virginity for sale?

I believe the message our youth should have about their virginity is that it’s worth a lot more than $1 million. And if when the time is right, when they are of age and understanding of the responsibilities, they find love the first time they make love.

It will be a richer experience than losing it at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch to some wealthy stranger willing to write a check.

OUT AT HOME: We’re officially a Wii family now. And Wii love it.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Even the pros play fantasy football, although it seems they know very little about it.

Down to 53

2008-08-29T18:20:00.004-04:00

Fellow Redskins fans, I’m very confused. I have no idea what our team will do this season.

Granted, it’s all preseason games, but the team looked great in the first one against the Indianapolis Colts. But they made common mistakes of a bottom-place team in the last two games. Plus, they were physically dominated in both of those games against Carolina and Jacksonville.

That aspect of their defeats has me very worried.

Call me one of the “Children of the Zorn” or “Me So Zorny” because I love our new coach. I like his approach with the players and the media. He is certainly old-school, not worried about calling a player out for lack of effort. But he also is quick to praise those who have played with intensity.

I don’t know how he’ll call a game yet since I suspect he’s been running a fairly vanilla offense in the preseason. I also don’t know about how he’ll adjust to situations, an aspect that separates good coaches from mediocre ones.

I do believe Zorn has physical talent to work with, though sometimes I question the desire and intelligence of some of the players.

Take quarterback Jason Campbell, for example. I understand he’s played in a different offense for the past six or seven years. But he has not made much progress in reading the defense and sensing pressure quicker. He seems to care less about the rush and the consequences of being hit. It’s like he’s locked into his target and nothing is going to deter him from that mission.

The good quarterbacks are able to defer to other options and instinctively avoid pressure. I have yet to see that from Campbell in the almost two years he’s been the starter. I believe it is a skill that can be learned. Maybe I shouldn’t be so worried yet. However, the Redskins open the season with three NFC road games and play New Orleans and Arizona. Washington can be 0-5 before Campbell figures it out.

Instead of trying to predict how the team will fare this season, I will try to figure out the 53 players who will be on the roster after cuts are made by the 4 p.m. Saturday deadline. Honestly, I really don’t want to think about wins and losses because I sense this could be a long season.
Roster (starters listed first, then backups in order)

QUARTERBACK (3): Campbell, Todd Collins, Colt Brennan.
Some have called for the rookie Brennan to start. That’s ridiculous. But I will tell you, there’s a chance he could compete for the role next year. That’s if Campbell continues to be clueless about things like a pass rush and Brennan maintains his level of enthusiasm and desire to improve.

RUNNING BACK (3): Clinton Portis, Ladell Betts, Marcus Mason.
I believe Rock Cartwright gets cut after a long run in Washington. It’s time this team keeps its talent and develops it rather than giving it away to other teams. Mason can play running back. He still needs to learn how to make an impact on special teams. He gets his chance this season.

FULLBACK (1): Mike Sellers.

TIGHT END (3): Chris Cooley, Fred Davis, Todd Yoder.
I love Cooley and Davis. I think both will line up together many times this season. Cooley is an all-pro, and the rookie Davis is a better blocker than expected.

WIDE RECEIVER (6): Santana Moss, Antwaan Randle El, James Thrash, Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly, Billy McMullen.
The Richmond native, McMullen, makes the team as the sixth receiver. However, he’ll actually see the field more than Malcolm Kelly who can’t shake his chronically bad knees. Kelly is a major disappointment. The second-round draft choice might end up on injured reserve and loss for the season. The other second rounder, Thomas, looks like he hasn’t adjusted to the speed of the game. He can talent, though raw. However, I can see him contributing come November and December.

OFFENSIVE LINE (9): Chris Samuels, Pete Kendall, Casey Rabach, Randy Thomas, Stephon Heyer, Jon Jansen, Jason Fabini, Chad Rinehart, Andrew Crummey.
Heyer will take over for Jansen who is aging quickly before our eyes. Don’t be surprised to see Rinehart take over at guard or Crummey at center. The offensive line will look completely different next year.

DEFENSIVE LINE (9): Andre Carter, Anthony Montgomery, Cornelius Griffin, Jason Taylor, Kedric Golston, Lorenzo Alexander, Erasmus James, Rob Jackson and Chris Wilson.
Actually, Demetric Evans will probably make the team, though I hope not. He has not done anything and not developed at all. I like the rookie Jackson, who is a bigger defensive end. Golston loses his starting position because he is not a gap run stopper. Hopefully Taylor is back at full strength and he and Carter post double digit sacks.

LINEBACKERS (6): Rocky McIntosh, London Fletcher, Marcus Washington, H.B. Blades, Khary Campbell, Alfred Fincher.
The starting linebackers are old and injury-prone. Hopefully Fincher pans out because he’s been one of the few to show intensity every game in the preseason.

SECONDARY (10): Shawn Springs, Fred Smoot, Kareem Moore, LaRon Landry, Carlos Rogers, Reed Doughty, Leigh Torrence, Chris Horton, Justin Hamilton, Matteral Richardson.
With Landry, this defense is a force. Moore looks like a player who can deliver blows over the middle. Pray that Springs, Smoot and Rogers stay healthy.

SPECIAL TEAMS (3): Durant Brooks, Shaun Suisham, Ethan Albright.
Brooks better win the job. He’s a multiple pro bowl punter.

OUT AT HOME: When does Lost come back on?

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This guy Fabrice Santoro was upset that Andy Roddick served it too fast into his body. The Frenchman claimed Roddick was headhunting or something to that effect. Are you kidding me? This is the U.S. Open. I’ve never heard of such a complaint. So what does Fabrice do on the next point? Match point? He stops playing. Way to compete Fabrice.

The Groin Pulls Ate My Potatoes

2008-08-25T14:36:00.005-04:00

I was honored to be asked back to the Richmond Magazine Fantasy Football League. However, this time, I told myself, I would not only win the championship, but I would put a hurting on my opponent each time out.

I finished in sixth place last year, and in my mind, that result was a product of me being absent at the draft and having the computer select my roster. Not so this season. I showed up 15 minutes early with my sheet of sleeper picks.

I wondered briefly, how much these Richmond magazine staffers and friends knew about football. I recognized that they could write a manual on AP Style. I knew they could tell me a great place to eat on a Wednesday night. And, of course, they could even give me a road map to the newest boutique in town.

Talented writers, artists and editors? Absolutely. Football experts? Um, they probably think Julius Peppers goes well with balsamic vinaigrette or Santana Moss always faces the north. Plus this was the only co-ed league I’ve ever been in. Surely boys know more about football than girls, right?

This was going to be easy pickings.

Pho King Good (my fantasy-football moniker) would rule.

Let’s stop right there before I eat more noodles.

I was wrong about these fashionistas and pop-culture hounds at the mag not knowing anything about the pigskin. Who knew there were so many rabid football fans there?

The draft started like any other. The first round consisted of Brady, Tomlinson, Westbrook, Peterson, Jackson, Addai, Manning, Gore, Lynch, Barber, Romo and Portis in that order. The second and third rounds were pretty much as expected. (I was a little concerned that Redskins Couch Potatoes started to horde all the Burgundy and Gold players. She went with Portis in the first and Cooley in the third. I didn't end up with one Redskin on my team.)

I knew it was the following rounds where I would separate myself with value picks.

But Kate’s Krazy 88s stole running back Kevin Smith early in the fourth round. How did she know about him? Then Koinichiwa B*tches (sic) reached for receiver Calvin Johnson. Both Detroit Lions players — yes, they play for Detroit — could have great seasons. They were not supposed to go so early. I honestly believed I could get them in the sixth round or beyond.

At that point, my meatballs kept falling off my chopsticks.

I wanted Pittsburgh wide receiver Santonio Holmes in the fifth. The kid is going to have a monster year. He’s a tremendous value in the middle of the draft. The Groin Pulls hurt me by taking the receiver two picks before my selection. Then the 88s nabbed Jerricho Cotchery later in the round. That dude was supposed to be a sleeper pick late in the draft.

These Richmond Mag folks were boiling my broth.

General Lee’s Chicken Brigade got greasy with Greg Jennings in the sixth round. He doesn’t have Brett Favre anymore but the kid’s still a stud receiver. Koinichiwa added to her talented roster by grabbing Selvin Young a few selections later.

Selvin Young? Come on. Only really, really, really avid football fans know who he is. It was clear they were rudely slurping my noodles now.

The Groin Pulls aggravated me more with his pick of Brandon Marshall in the seventh. Granted the receiver is going to miss the first four games with a suspension (I was shocked to realize that many at the draft knew that), Marshall still caught a lot of balls from Jay Cutler last year. Again, the Pulls got great value.

Another tremendous steal came in the 10th round when CrushYou selected DeSean Jackson. The rookie has emerged as the Eagles’ best receiver. Road Warrior and HellByrds and Southside Superstarzz somehow managed to pick running backs Ronnie Brown, DeAngelo Williams and Rudi Johnson in the 11th round. But the real bargain was Minnetonka Skippers nabbing speedster Chris Johnson. He was my biggest sleeper of the draft, and I waited patiently really believing nobody would have an idea about him.

I gotta tell ya, I left the draft feeling no steam. I will be lucky to improve on my sixth-place showing of last year. But I’m not gonna let them take my fish sauce.

Good luck, or should I say konichiwa, b*tches.

OUT AT HOME: The one plus about this drought? No mowing the grass. I haven’t done that in three weeks. Woohoo.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: A little geeky, but so true.

OK, But ... He's Still The Boss

2008-08-19T14:25:00.003-04:00

I was at the Bruce show last night at the Coliseum and just wanted to share a few thoughts, a couple of priceless moments and, of course, the complete set list, which true fans of the Boss love to dissect with all the relish of a forensic pathologist. As Dan Nieman mentioned in his review this morning, the sound was just awful. Longtime fans have no problem with this however, because we are hearing every riff, every grunt, every plaintive wailing note of Clarence's sax in our heads anyway. But it didn't do Bruce any favors with some of the newbies I was with — they just couldn't understand what he was saying or singing most of the time and except for his superhuman physicality, they just didn't get it. The music didn't grab hold.

But the rest of us, the anointed, got what we came for and more. The man gives so much of himself — plunging his whole body into the audience, letting them strum his guitar for crying out loud, hold his microphone, dripping his very sweat on them — that by the time he doused the throngs in front of him with a soaked sponge (a "New Jersey baptism"), you got the feeling that if Bruce decided to start a religion, there would be plenty of people lined up to drink the Kool-Aid.

Our seats were so close to the corner of the stage we could have tossed Bruce a football when he came to our side. (Dammit, how could I forget my football?) We were sitting five rows behind Bruce's mother, Adele, and his sister Pamela. He has another sister, and it might have been her also sitting with the family, but I can't confirm that.

I have to share the two funniest things that were said, not by Bruce, but by my husband who commented, "They shouldn't let Nils Lofgren stand next to Clarence Clemmons. He looks like a hobbit." And later on, as The Big Man got off of the, no kidding, golden throne he now sits on for most of the show and shuffled across the stage, "Clarence walks like your Aunt Ro Ro."

There were a few classic moments too. Bruce pulled some kid, maybe 10 or 11 years old, onto the stage and sat there with his arm around him singing "Spirit In the Night" like he was talking to a buddy on the boardwalk. He even let the kid sing the "All night!" in the chorus. He talked about Richmond, how important the town was to him in the Steel Mill days and brought Robbin Thompson up for the night's closer, "Twist And Shout."

At one point he grabbed a guy's sign which read, "My band just broke up. Please play "Backstreets" — Jesse. He obliged, and after the guitar solo, he slowed the song down and with a truly pained expression he said, "It's tough when your band breaks up." He paused for a long time, seeming like he wanted to say so much more, but he kept on singing.

Speaking of signs, I was shocked by the number of signs people were holding up with song requests, because I hadn't seen him on this tour yet. Apparently, what started out as a radio call-in song request gimmick has turned into a crazy scene where people are holding up signs with insanely obscure song requests. "Seaside Bar Song" anyone? Bruce actually wades out into the crowd, gathering up the signs and then sorts through them onstage deciding which ones to surprise the crowd, and his own band, by playing.
He gently mocked one fan who was holding up a sign for "Crush on You" from 1980's "The River."

"The band will go on record to say this is the worst song we've ever recorded," he said. And you know what, they did it anyway. —Janet Giampietro

THE SET LIST:

Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
Radio Nowhere
Out In The Streets
Prove It All Night
Lonesome Day
Spirit In The Night
Stand On It
Cadillac Ranch
Backstreets
For You
Youngstown
Murder Incorporated
She's The One
Living in the Future
Mary's Place
I'll Work For Your Love
The Rising
Last To Die
Long Walk Home
Badlands

ENCORE:
Crush on You
Quarter To Three
Born To Run
Rosalita
Bobby Jean
Dancing In the Dark
American Land
Twist And Shout

Aquaman

2008-08-15T15:56:00.001-04:00

I had no idea. This time last week, I was not really excited about the Olympics. I certainly didn’t care about Michael Phelps. Eight golds? No way. It’s all hype.

Just like when Matt Biondi tried to tie Mark Spitz’s record of seven gold medals (plus seven world records) in the 1988 Seoul Games. He ended up with five golds and seven overall medals. Great feat, but not better than Spitz. Even the great Ian Thorpe managed only three golds and two silvers at the 2000 Olympics in his home country of Australia. Thorpe who was thought to be unbeatable was actually taken down twice.

These “failures” by the greats proved to me that swimming all those races, preliminaries, semifinals and finals, in a short amount of time to equal or break Spitz’s mark was too daunting.

This Michael Phelps guy, pretty good, I thought, probably better than Biondi and Thorpe but there’s way too much pressure and way too much competition for him to set the new standard.

Well, I know better now after staying up into the night to watch him flipper kick and butterfly stroke to six gold medals and six world records. WOW.

One swimmer at the games probably described it best. “We’re not chasing world records anymore,” said Great Britain’s James Goddard, who finished sixth behind Phelps in Friday’s 200 IM. “He’s the world record, so really we’re just chasing him.”

I have seen some great athletic feats. I marveled at Carl Lewis as he won the 100, 200, long jump and 4x100 track events at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics. I saw Flo Jo, Michael Johnson, Edwin Moses, Mary Lou, Greg Louganis, Shannon Miller, Janet Evans, Jackie Joyner-Kersee and the first Dream Team. I witnessed Mary Decker, Mia Hamm, Karch Kiraly, Joan Benoit and Oscar de la Hoya.

But really, have anyone of us seen anyone as great as Michael Phelps? Maybe Tiger Woods? Already Phelps is the greatest summer Olympian in history with 12 gold medals.

Apparently having his goggles fill with water can’t stop him as evidence of his performance in the 200-meter butterfly. His goggles came off slightly as he dove to start the race.

They say he was identified as a potential swimming champion when he was 11. That his body, which stands at 6-foot-4, is disproportional but that helps him be great in the water. His torso is that of a 6-8 man, but his legs are usually found on someone 6-feet tall. Evidently, his shorter legs allow him to have less resistance in the water and a better kick off the wall on turns. That’s not to mention his double-jointed elbow and ankles.

It’s amazing to watch him swim, especially from those underwater shots. He was clearly born to swim.

It’s also clear that he has a champion’s heart and intelligence to know that he can’t waste his blessed talents by not giving maximum effort each time he dives into the pool.

I don’t feel cheated when watching Phelps. That’s why I root hard for him to accomplish his goal of eight gold medals and eight world records. He’s got two more races. Go get’em Michael.

OUT AT HOME: My daughter has learned to give me timeouts when I argue with my wife. Funny how my wife never gets one. The little girl also knows how to improve my mood immediately after a brief row with the wife. “Daddy, are you happy or mad?” she would ask with a big smile. There’s really only one answer to that question. Suddenly, I’m much better and so is my wife.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: As much as I’ve enjoyed the Olympics, I’d much rather watch a Redskins preseason game. Here’s something from one of my favorite players.

Green, Art forever

2008-08-01T15:21:00.002-04:00

I worked at a gas station during my late teen years, a Chevron off North Shore Drive in Reston, Va. Back then, folks had choices between full-serve and self-serve, and petroleum transport engineers like myself were responsible for collecting money from the patrons.

I would stand on the self-serve island, and give out change to people who paid with cash. Those who used plastic would follow me into the office area where I would swipe their card. That space had one soda- and two cigarette-vending machines and motor oil, transmission fluid and fuel injector cleaner on the shelves.

Many times, in the full-service island, I would check people’s dipstick, wash the windshield and put air in tires. Regular customers usually tipped a dollar or so.

It was a happening place, this Chevron station opposite Lake Anne Center. It was where I watched the Washington Redskins win the Super Bowl in 1987 while working the Sunday 3-11 p.m. shift. I believe I ordered China King that night.

The station was also a place where Redskins would come to fill up because many lived in Reston. Dexter Manley was a regular. Charles Mann appeared a few times. Mark Moseley and his perm graced us.

But my favorite, and everyone else’s, was Darrell Green who would drive his Volkswagen Bug to say hello.

My memory is blurry, but I do recall thinking that the car was a perfect fit for the diminutive Green. He was slim, but his muscles bulged from his tight T-shirt. He was very friendly and smiled all the time.

I don’t remember any of us asking Green for his autograph. It wasn’t like that. He was a Redskin, sure, but not untouchable like many athletes today. For crying out loud, he drove a Bug.

We had a tow truck driver named Willie, who had the biggest and most brutal hands I have ever seen. The guy could catch baseballs with no glove and not feel the sting. I’m not 100 percent sure, but I think Green came to the station to talk cars with Willie, who was restoring a 1970 Ford Maverick.

During this time, Art Monk was fast becoming the best receiver in the history of the game. Indeed, Jerry Rice was zigzagging for plenty of touchdowns, but it was Monk who was the standard having played five more years than the San Francisco 49ers receiver.

Monk moved the chains and is regarded as the first big receiver with a then-record of 106 receptions in 1984. He was consistent, catching a pass in 183 consecutive games.

I remember listening to the radio and reading the Washington Post when he was drafted in 1980. I was 10 and just beginning my journey as a fan of the Redskins. He was easily the team’s best player, and so many times, I fell asleep replaying his catches in my mind.

I’m not alone in expressing my fondness and gratitude to these two greats from my youth. I loved my childhood, and Monk and Green were a big part of making growing up fun.

Now these two men of class, humble and gracious every moment of their lives, will be enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame on Saturday. I won’t say anything about the travesty that kept Monk out of the hallowed halls for so long. Instead, I see the delay as a blessing as he and Green, two practice opponents for so many years, go in together.

I was able to witness the greatest era of football around these part. I am a lucky man in this regard.

OUT AT HOME: I went to the Redskins Fan Appreciation Day last weekend. What a stinking disaster. It took two hours to get into Redskins Park, and another 45 minutes to buy a hot dog. As soon as I bit into the soggy dog, the scrimmage was over. Never again? No way. I’ll be back next year.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Remember him? Apparently he makes a good living touring minor-league ballparks now.

2008 Rhymes with Great

2008-07-25T17:56:00.002-04:00

It’s a little more than halfway through the year, and I would have to agree with an old high school friend. He calls 2008 perhaps the greatest sports year ever.

His evidence.

• A Super Bowl that saw the ultimate Cinderella team beat another that was vying for the perfect season. The margin of victory came on a last-minute drive. Before the big game, the New England Patriots were considered the greatest team in the history of pigskin.

• An NCAA men’s basketball championship game that was won by a team that needed a contested 3-pointer at the buzzer. The miracle shot extended the game five more minutes as Kansas claimed the crown.

• The greatest U.S. Open possibly ever, won in the most dramatic fashion possible by the best golfer in the history of the game. Remember Tiger Woods won his third U.S. Open and 14th major title while suffering from a torn ACL and a double stress fracture of his tibia.

• The return of the Celtics and Lakers rivalry in the NBA Finals. It wasn’t Larry versus Magic, but it was nice to see Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen win a ring. Now their careers are complete. It was equally enjoyable that Kobe Bryant was denied a title.

• A cancer survivor throws a no-hitter in his first full season. Boston Red Sox Jon Lester was diagnosed with lymphoma two years ago. On May 19, he beat the Kansas City Royals 7-0 on 130 pitches and nine strikeouts. His cancer is in remission.

• Josh Hamilton is “The Natural.” The kid has overcome a five-year battle with drugs that included an addiction to crack. After coming back last season, he is perhaps the second-most feared hitter (behind Yankees’ Alex Rodriguez) in the American League. Go get ‘em Josh!

• The Wimbledon men’s final was considered the greatest of all-time. First-time winner Rafael Nadal beat five-time title holder in Roger Federer, 6–4, 6–4, 6–7(5), 6–7(8), 9–7. Their unforgettable match lasted in four hours and 48 minutes.

I would have to say my buddy has compelling reason to believe his claim. And if Greg Norman, 53, had won the British Open last weekend, my friend could rest his case without including the second half of the year.

So what could possibly be next? Vietnam winning a gold medal at the Olympics? The Tampa Bay Rays piling on after capturing the World Series? Or my beloved Washington Redskins dominating the NFL (and eventually winning the Super Bowl)?

Hold me, I’m scared.

OUT AT HOME: I went to Camden Yards recently for a day game. The Orioles lost but it reminded me that baseball is meant to be played when the sun shines at its highest point. If you ever get a chance, go watch a day game, whether it’s in Baltimore, Washington or here in Richmond.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Is wrestling fake?

http://view.break.com/538846 - Watch more free videos

Don't Come Running Back

2008-07-18T21:27:00.003-04:00

Back on March 5, I wrote that Brett Favre prematurely retired. That it was disheartening he would walk away with gas left in the tank.

I argued the quarterback had been blessed and owed a debt to the game that treated him so well. That he needed to play until the very end, the point when the body begs for mercy.

My final line was that he would likely miss the game more than we missed him.

It turns out that he does miss playing, so much so that he’s willing to dispatch the very team and community that have made him a football legend.

The situation is already ugly and approaching sad.

There’s a lot of finger pointing between the Green Bay Packers and Favre right now. There’s even accusations of tampering. Of all teams, the Minnesota Vikings are involved. Talk about the black and blue division.

No matter where Favre ends up playing, his comeback will be a huge bruise in a remarkable career. Had he not retired, something could have been worked out between him and the Packers.

But it’s not fair that Green Bay, which has clearly moved on with alternative plans, should be faced with this public relations nightmare. The Packers selected two quarterbacks in the recent draft—highly touted Brian Brohm from Louisville in the second round and Matt Flynn of Louisiana State in the seventh round. That’s not to mention Aaron Rodgers, who is the only quarterback picked in the first round to never start a game in his first three professional seasons.

It’s evident that Green Bay is prepared to begin and finish the season with those three at quarterback.

And I’m glad. Favre has played yo-yo with the franchise for the past three or four seasons. He threatens retirement at the end of the campaign, only to announce his return at the very last minute.

It’s time that the Packers assumed control of this situation.

So it’s my guess that Favre will not play in Green Bay. If that’s the case, where will he end up?

Let me first say that he better not become a Washington Redskin. My team does not need him to regress the development of current quarterback Jason Campbell. Plus, the Redskins are now in the business of getting younger and building a team for the long haul, not renting players for a short fix.

His signing in the nation’s capital would go against everything the Redskins have done this offseason. I don’t want to win one championship, I want to hoist the trophy multiple times by building a team that’s gonna last.

Plus Favre will be expensive, and Washington will have to make moves to fit him under the cap.

That pretty much leaves Tampa Bay, who has money to spend and it will be like Rich Gannon or Brad Johnson or Jeff Garcia coming in to play for Jon Gruden. The guy loves a veteran under center.

Favre would be the perfect fit.

There’s also Minnesota, which is probably a quarterback away from a Super Bowl run. The Vikings can run the football and stop the run, two lethal combinations. What they can’t do is sustain drives or stretch the defense through the air. The gunslinging style of Favre will make the Vikings virtually unpredictable and unstoppable.

There’s also talk he might end up with the Bears, which would be in the division, or the Dolphins, or blah, blah, blah.

You know what?

When he retired back in March, Favre said he was mentally tired. Now it seems, he has created a situation that has left everyone else feeling the same way.

OUT AT HOME: My daughter is closer to the truth. She used to say ducks like to eat cars. Then she said ducks like to eat worms. The other day, she claimed ducks like to eat fish. I’m pretty sure she’ll discover the answer before I do.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: These guys are insane.

Parents Go Away and Let the Kids Play

2008-07-11T14:40:00.005-04:00

I can promise you that I will never raise a family in Beachwood, Ohio, where the kids will grow up all the same.

Did you hear?

This suburb of Cleveland has decided to do away with tradition and eliminate the Little League All-Star game for children ages 9 to 12.

The reason?

Apparently, Mayor Merle Gordon and the entire place agreed that All-Star games hurt the self-esteem of the young players. Meaning, it’s not fair that one player is better than another, especially at the crucial and ego-building ages of 9 to 12.

What?

The impetus of the move was spurred by an article written by Fred Engh, who is the founder and CEO of the National Alliance for Youth Sports in West Palm Beach, Fla. It’s hard to read his article and take it seriously. Here’s one gem.

The injury factor. Stress fractures, trips to specialists and surgeries come into play when these seasons are extended with extra games and practices. They take a toll on young bodies and lead to an avalanche of overuse injuries.

I wonder what Mr. Engh did as a child. Did he even play sports? Come on. When I was a kid, our entire neighborhood, big kids and small, played sports all year round. When it was the summer, we played baseball, every day. When it was fall, we tackled each other HARD in football games. In the winter, we jumped perhaps a million times on the hard courts in pickup basketball games. Imagine the toll that took on our knees. And in the spring, we rode bikes or skateboards and wrecked at least once a week. We didn’t wear helmets either.

This guy, Mr. Engh, is worried that kids might suffer stress fractures and need surgeries because they play a few extra organized baseball games. That’s absurd.

And so what if they do get hurt? It’s a battle scar they can boast about for years.

The most disturbing part of Mr. Engh’s article is that he doesn’t believe we should recognize those kids who are superior. Read this:

If you’re feeling reluctant to do something, consider all the children who feel hurt, left out and embarrassed by being passed over every season.

Youth sports aren’t meant to single out only a handful of kids; they’re about making every child feel special, including those who won’t make the All-Star team.

No, sorry. Sports, as in life, are meant to single out the exceptional. They are also meant to motivate the less talented. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school team. He found inspiration from failure.

All great success stories, and I’m comfortable in using the word “all,” are founded on disappointments, hurt feelings and embarrassments. These are the building blocks of character and heart.

How can any athlete or person develop a true sense of their worth if they are never gauged against someone else? Why even play organized sports? Why even keep score? Let’s just get our children to hold hands in a circle and tell each other how great they are.

Here’s a departing thought. When I was a youngster participating in sports, we all knew the kids who were really, really good. We admired them. We wanted to be on their teams. We wanted to be their friends.
I remember working very hard on my skills to become as good as them. I did improve.

It’s rarely the child who is jealous of another child’s success. It’s usually the parents. That’s the saddest part of all.

OUT AT HOME: Here’s the lede of an Associated Press story: Brian “Young Gun” Krause bested his father Rick “Pellet Gun” Krause to win this weekend’s International Cherry Pit Spitting Championship in Michigan.

And my question to you is… how far do you think the winning spit went? My guess was 24 feet. The answer.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Ready for the Olympics? The Chinese are. Check out this commercial.

Beijing 2008: Adidas "Together" Olympic Spot from R2 Studios on Vimeo.

Staying in School is Cool

2008-06-26T16:22:00.003-04:00

When center Roy Hibbert and forward Jeff Green led the Georgetown Hoyas to the 2007 Men’s Basketball Final Four, the program catapulted back into national prominence. And just like a stock, the pair’s NBA value reached a delicious peak.

Both declared for the professional draft and both were projected as lottery picks. But only Green kept his name in the hat, eventually getting picked No. 5 overall by the Boston Celtics before being traded to the Seattle Sonics in a multiplayer deal that involved Ray Allen. That move helped the Celtics capture their first championship in years.

Hibbert had a change of heart. He decided it was much more important to carry on the Georgetown big man tradition of playing four years in college much like Ewing, Mourning and Mutombo. He said, “I feel like I have unfinished business here.”

He also stayed to earn his degree. Hibbert enjoyed academics and was a bright student. He started at the Hilltop at age 16 after attending Georgetown Prep.

Unfortunately, on the court, the Hoyas and Hibbert didn’t fare better than the previous season. Georgetown was bounced in the second round of the NCAA tournament and Hibbert struggled slightly as the main focus of the team.

Now the big man, he’s 7-foot-2, is projected as a late first-round pick.

How much money did he lose by coming back?

The No. 5 pick this year is expected to earn a rookie salary of more than $3.1 million a year. The No. 10 selection will deposit $2.1 million annually. In some mock drafts, Hibbert is slated to be picked by the Utah Jazz at No. 23. That slot’s salary is $1.1 million. The draft is Thursday night in Madison Square Garden.

So it’s not a stretch to presume that Hibbert lost at least $1 million per year by staying in school. Typically, rookies sign two-year contracts with the club option for the third and fourth years. So potentially, Hibbert’s deficit could be more than $4 million.

You and I look at that figure and cringe. Maybe Hibbert is doing the same thing. But as a follower of the Hoyas — my dad is a graduate of the School of Foreign Service — I can tell you that the way Big Roy thinks and lives is an inspiration.

When he entered Georgetown, he was an awkward, stone-handed goo of baby fat. He worked extremely hard — on footwork, passing, offensive post moves, stamina and shot blocking — to become one of the best collegiate big men in the country. Ask any fan of the team, and that person will tell you Hibbert improved each season.

He also appeared to enjoy his life at Georgetown. Students who knew him, even casually, wrote on the message board of HoyaSaxa.com about how easygoing and approachable he was on campus. He was a college kid. One of them. No pretenses.

He will transfer these characteristics to the NBA. It might take him a couple of years to figure it out, but believe me, he will become one of the best post players. He will earn that distinction at practice every day.

It is my sincere hope that Hibbert finds great success in the NBA — not only for him and his family but for the rest of us as well. I truly believe that Roy, with massive wealth behind him, can impact our country in so many positive ways. Maybe we’ll never hear of his contributions. But he will make a difference in many lives.

For most people, staying in school would have been a mistake. But for Roy, who loved every second of his collegiate experience, it was another memorable year that nobody can ever take away. Not even the NBA.

OUT AT HOME: Gonna take my first road trip with the new minivan. So excited! Sheesh. Did I really say that?

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This video clip had me fooled.

Iron-Willed Tiger

2008-06-20T16:23:00.000-04:00

Is there any question now that Tiger Woods is the greatest ever? In any sport. Better than Ali. Better than Jordan. Better than Gretzky. Better than Aaron.

We are lucky to witness the greatest of all champions.

It was reported Wednesday that Tiger won’t play again this season because he will undergo surgery to repair a torn ACL in his left knee. He says he sustained the injury 10 months ago while jogging at home after the British Open.

He also suffered a double stress fracture of his left tibia two weeks before last weekend’s U.S. Open. Doctors had advised him to skip the championship and rest six weeks to allow his fractures to heal.

And let’s not forget that he had arthroscopic surgery on April 15 to clean out cartilage in his left knee in hopes of completing the 2008 season. His recovery is expected to take six to eight months.

All of this and still he wins the U.S. Open in 91 holes, after playing an additional 18 holes Monday in a playoff against Rocco Mediate. He appeared to grimace after every drive and fairway shot in the five-day event.

Can any of us fathom the amount of pain he must have endured? What sort of mental power must one have to block out each bolt of hurt? It’s not even human.

Tiger has always been known for his tenacity and will to win. His 14th major victory takes that talent to another level.

Forget Tiger for a moment. Consider that the talent differential in golf from Phil Mickelson to the Country Club of Virginia pro is not staggeringly great. Not compared to say Kobe Bryant and Eric Maynor. Or Justin Verlander and the top pitcher for the University of Richmond.

There are a lot of really talented golfers. Really, really talented golfers. Many of them we don’t see on Sundays. What separates these guys is not usually talent, but mental toughness. It’s the ability to raise the level of your game when the situation dictates a clutch performance, no matter what the obstacles.

A torn ACL and two stress fractures would be ridiculous to ask anyone to overcome and compete let alone prevail. But that’s what Tiger did.

“He’s been playing way less than 100 percent for a long, long time,” his swing coach Hank Haney told the Associated Press. “It has limited him a lot in practice. He’s going to come back better than he’s ever been.”

Haney added that when doctors told Woods the preferred treatment for stress fractures was three weeks on crutches and three weeks of inactivity, “Tiger looked at the doctor and said ‘I’m playing in the U.S. Open, and I’m going to win.’ And then he started putting on his shoes. He looked at me and said, ‘Come on, Hank. We’ll just putt today.’”

OUT AT HOME: Since I moved to Richmond in 2005, I hadn’t found a job that I liked. One particular place made me so miserable that I considered working retail or fast food to just get away from the environment. But that changed in February when I found my current employer. I love this place, the work and the people. My advice to anyone who is not happy at work—life is too short. It’s not worth it. Find somewhere you will be appreciated and where you can do your best work.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I love this comedian. She sounds exactly like a few of my relatives.

The Three Amigos

2008-06-13T15:11:00.003-04:00

I lived in Atlanta when the Braves won the World Series in 1995. And believe me, it’s hard not to be a fan of that team when you live anywhere in the Deep South.

The Braves back then had so much class. They were filled with guys who played the game the right way, hard and with passion. They also relied on pitching in an era of the long ball. The Braves won 14 consecutive division titles (1991-2005) with that superior presence on the mound.

Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine and John Smoltz were the backbone of the Braves success, and make up, perhaps, the greatest pitching trio in history. Consider these sick stats that the three compiled in their careers.

* Maddux (Braves 1993-2003)
Record: 350-217
Cy Young Awards: 4
All-Star appearances: 8
Times led National League in wins: 3
Times led NL in ERA: 4
Times led NL in innings: 5
Gold Gloves: 17

*Glavine (Braves 1987-2002)
Record: 305-202
Cy Young Awards: 2
All-Star appearances: 10
Times led NL in wins: 5
Times led NL in games started: 6
Times won 20 games: 5

*Smoltz (1988-2008)
Record: 210-147, 154 saves
Cy Young Award: 1
All-Star appearances: 8
Times led NL in wins: 2
Times led NL in saves: 1
Times led NL in strikeouts: 2
Times led NL in games started: 3

These three pitchers are without question headed to the Hall of Fame. Maddux and Glavine are definite first-ballot inductees. Smoltz gets strong consideration because of his dominance as a starter and closer. In three years as predominately a bullpen stopper, Smoltz totaled 144 saves.

Glavine, 42, has indicated this is his final season. He was set to retire after last season, but a one-year offer to rejoin the Braves was too enticing. But he has won just two games in 12 starts this season and was recently placed on the disabled list for the second time in his career.
Maddux, 42, has a 3-4 record and a decent 3.33 ERA for the San Diego Padres. He won 14 games last season and has posted double-digit victories every year of his career that started in 1990. It may appear Maddux could pitch until he’s 50 and challenge Cy Young’s career win mark. But the righty has said he wants to spend more time with family. This will probably be his last season.

Smoltz, 41, had surgery to repair the labrum in his right shoulder on Tuesday. It could be months before the pitcher knows if he can pitch next season. He was 3-2 with a 2.57 ERA and 36 strikeouts in 28 innings. I saw him pitch in May, and he was throwing it 95 mph with ease.

It is my hope that the three will retire after this season. Then in five years, we can honor the trio as they are inducted into the Hall of Fame together. That would indeed be a celebration of all things good in sports—no steroids, no spying, no rogue officials.

OUT AT HOME: Dick Trickle was a race car driver who competed at all levels including NASCAR. He also owned the best name in sports until he retired from full-time racing several years ago. Now comes his replacement for best name—Cincinnati Reds pitching coach Dick Pole. God bless those two for sporting those names.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I never get tired of watching his swing. Congrats Junior!

Fighting is Not Part of the Game

2008-05-30T15:15:00.001-04:00

I wonder what I would do if Danica Patrick walked toward me, appearing to have intentions of fighting. Fist fighting?

In my estimation, that’s what it looked like last weekend when she marched with her helmet still on toward the pit area of Ryan Briscoe. Moments earlier, Briscoe clipped Patrick’s car and put the best female driver in the world out of the Indianapolis 500.

Fortunately for all involved, Patrick was intercepted and convinced to stop her march and return to her area. If she had continued, it might have gotten ugly. Briscoe could have hit back in self-defense and done more damage to Patrick’s face than he did to her car.

Still, I have several problems with Patrick’s temper tantrum.

First, I’m sure she realized that this was an opportunity for “good television.” She’s no dummy. Patrick understands the value of air time. Call it the Anna Kournikova factor — become very rich despite little success in the arena of play.

However, Patrick is good at her sport. She’s so good that it’s disappointing that she needs to reduce herself to challenging other racers to a fight.

But this was an opportunity to win without taking the checkered flag. That’s why I believe she knew whatever she did in response would be good television. She was right. Even though Scott Dixon won the race, most everybody was talking about Patrick’s hissy fit after the race.

Second, Patrick probably believes that no male racer will hit her back. She has free reign to embarrass, to confront and to challenge her counterparts because she knows nobody will call her bluff.

That’s something I hope racing addresses soon, especially if she decides to cross over into NASCAR, where I think the men aren’t as gentlemanly as those in Indy. She might be a good lion tamer today, but at some point, if she keeps poking the beast in the eye, she will be bitten.

Third, what’s also unfortunate in this case is that Patrick may never be judged as wrong. She’s a minority in a world dominated by men. She’s had to fight to get to where she is now. But the majority of that fight was on the racetrack where she proved herself worthy. To take the struggle outside the lines, well, is crossing the line.

But the media responses have been disturbing. Some have praised Patrick for standing up for herself. Others have said she had every right to confront Briscoe since it was clearly his fault.

Perhaps she was well within her bounds to march.

But a professional always understands that bad events are part of the game and at times beyond anyone’s control. In this situation, that was the case.

Contrast what Patrick did to how her teammate, Tony Kanaan, responded after he was knocked out of the race by another woman driver, Sarah Fisher.

Fisher struggled to secure financial commitments from sponsors for the race and then experienced car troubles before the start. She spun out and ran into Kanaan’s car at the race’s midway point.

In a television interview after the race, Kanaan said, “I feel so sorry for her. I drove back in the ambulance with her, and she was just crying so much. She put so much into it, and I just feel bad for her. She apologized to me, and I should be the one apologizing to her.”

OUT AT HOME: I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept seeing Jeremy Bentham’s face in the coffin.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Whoa. Who cares how she throws.

The Bearer of Bad News

2008-05-23T11:21:00.002-04:00

“Welcome everybody to the banks of the Potomac. It’s a beautiful day and we expect a sellout crowd to what will be a historical event.

"Today, your Washington Redskin will face the always tough bear in a life or death situation. Win and you move on. Lose and you won’t have a leg to stand on.

"What a treat we have for you today. I’m Frank Herzog along with Sonny Jurgensen and Sam Huff. I’ll start with you Sam. What will the Redskin have to do defensively today to come out of this alive?”

“I’ll tell you Frank. It’s man time. There’s gonna be some hittin’ today. I’m excited! But for the Redskin to survive, well, I just don’t see it.”

“And Sonny, what will the Redskin have to do offensively to prevent from getting eaten alive?”

“Run fast!”

Laughter from Sam.

“I’m serious. The Redskin will need to use his fear. That’s a good thing. It can motivate you. But Frank, I’m with Sam. I don’t think the Redskin wins today.”

“Gentlemen, we’ll know very soon. The Redskin is back to receive the kickoff. He’s got it at the goal line. Out to the 10, the 20, and angles out to the 30, the hungry bear chases, there’s a claw, a gouge, a bite. Down goes the Redskin near midfield…”

This was the image when I saw the video on ESPN2’s “First Take” that ridiculously asked: Could a top kick returner run from one goal line to the other goal line with a hungry bear in between?

Apparently the people who work the show became obsessed with the question and produced a segment trying to explain it. I thought it was such a stupid waste of time that I watched. Then I saw it was actually entertaining because Antwaan Randle El was allegedly the top kick returner even though he has run back two kickoffs in the past three seasons.

But nonetheless, I watched. My beloved Redskin was confident in the fact that he could outsmart and outmaneuver the bear. I for a moment agreed.

That’s until the segment cut away to Dr. Lynn Rogers, who was tending to a 900-pound bruin named Ted E. Bear. YIKES! Actually, WTF?

Bears are freaking huge. And they can run up to 35 mph. They have claws. They have John Elway teeth.

I suddenly had a vision of 5-foot-10, 190-pound Randle El juking and deking pathetically as the, let me emphasize again, 900-pound bruin bears down on the runner. That’s not Brian Urlacher chasing Twaan. That’s a bonafide American grizzly built Ford tough.

I just gotta say again, the bear is 900 pounds and runs a sub-4.0 in the 40. That’s freakish natural gifts.

Sorry Randle El. You would lose.

OUT AT HOME: Got on my roof to clean the gutters. Every year, my house seems to get taller and taller. I really need to hire a professional next year before I hurt myself.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK:What was she reading on Delonte West’s arm? Or was she just admiring the muscles?

VIDEOS OF THE WEEK (SPECIAL EDITION):

2008-05-16T15:56:00.000-04:00

Dream assignment?

I love her little dance.

He might owe a Las Vegas casino $400,000, but at least he still has a sense of humor.

Go ahead. Indulge.

As one of my friends wrote, “If this doesn’t give you goose bumps, you might be dead.”

Even as a video game, it makes me happy.

I want to kiss you.

Let’s end it with our play of the day.

A Home Run

2008-05-12T10:25:00.006-04:00

I will let this story speak for me this week. Sometimes, sports do matter and it's nice to know that such experiences can exist between the lines.

OUT AT HOME: I can only hope my daughter would do the same.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Here's the video version of the story. It confirms she suffered an ACL tear.

Curses, Foiled Again

2008-04-25T13:41:00.007-04:00

This should be interesting. Electronic Arts officially announced today that retired Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre will grace the front of Madden NFL 09.

Peter Moore, EA Sports president, discussed the move on his blog and the popular game's Facebook page reveals the new cover. Madden is scheduled to be released Aug. 12.

I’m in disbelief.

Why would Favre do this to himself?

For a man who has experienced a few tragedies in his life, he should know better than to bring such a thing into his home. I’m sure most people remember when his father died. Or when his wife battled cancer. Or when he admitted that he had an addiction to prescription pills. Oh, yeah, let’s not forget about Hurricane Katrina destroying his home.

And now this?

Why, Brett?

I thought you were going into retirement quietly. I thought you were going to ride an ATV around your property, find a perfect spot to lay back and watch the sky move.

This is a thrill you can do without.

Could it be you don’t believe?

Impossible.

Everyone believes in the Madden Curse.

Maybe you should talk with Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders about it. He was the first victim. Sanders was the 2000 cover boy. He was young, healthy and at the peak of his career. He was also one year away from breaking Walter Payton’s all-time career rushing record. Then he randomly retired. Nobody knows why. It’s even rumored that Sanders doesn’t really know the reason.

I do.

The Madden Curse.

Tennessee running back Eddie George was next. He had just completed a great year, rushing for 1,509 yards and 14 TDs. The cover year produced a drop of nearly 600 rushing yards, even though he played all 16 games. George was never the same and retired three years later at age 31.

Minnesota Vikings quarterback Dante Culpepper’s year was 2002. He had thrown 33 TDs and rushed for 7 more the season before. His cover year produced a season-ending knee injury after 11 games.

St. Louis Rams running back Marshall Faulk put up some eye-popping stats. He was named to the 2003 cover after rushing for more than 1,000 yards in seven of eight seasons. He also had four consecutive years of 80-plus catches. His cover year produced nagging injuries and poor performances. He never reached the 1,000-yard rushing plateau again in his final four seasons and retired at age 32.

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is perhaps the greatest player in Madden history. He donned the cover in 2004. Then he broke his fibula in the preseason and started just four games. The curse continued to bite Vick as he is now in prison serving time for dogfighting.

Baltimore Ravens middle linebacker Ray Lewis is considered one of the most dominant defensive forces to ever play. He had 121 tackles and six interceptions as the leader of a great defensive unit. He was rewarded the next season with the cover of Madden. He made 20 fewer tackles and didn’t record an interception. His team also missed the playoffs. Oh, yeah, Lewis was injured and was forced to sit out a game.

The cover boy for 2006 was Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb. The year before, he passed for 31 TDs, led his team to a 13-3 regular season record and a berth in the Super Bowl. What happened after the Madden Curse got him? He suffered a sports hernia after the first game. McNabb tried to play through it, but was eventually shut down after nine games. The Eagles fell to 6-10 and the following season, McNabb tore his ACL in the 10th game.

Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander was coming off an MVP season when he was put on the 2007 Madden cover. He then broke a bone in his foot and was limited to 10 games. Alexander was recently cut.

Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young thought he survived the curse. Not so fast. An injury forced him to miss his first game ever — high school, college and professional career. Experts have said Young also regressed in his play, throwing for 3 fewer TDs and 4 more INTs.

That brings us to the present. Maybe Brett thinks he’ll be immune to the Madden Curse since he’s not playing anymore. All I have to say is: Brett, stay off ladders.

OUT AT HOME: Does mocking the first round of the upcoming NFL draft make me a geek? My wife (proudly?) thinks so.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This is an interesting concept. It makes sports writers accountable.

One Coach Stays, One Goes Antiquing

2008-04-18T12:09:00.004-04:00

I should have picked up on the hints.

When I heard Virginia Union University coach Dave Robbins announced his retirement this week after 30 seasons of leading the men’s basketball team, I thought about our many conversations last October. Several months back I wrote a story for Richmond magazine about Robbins and his tenure at the historically black university on Lombardi Street.

Robbins, 65, compiled a 713-194 record as the first white coach in the Central Intercollegiate Athletic Association. He won three NCAA Division II national championships and coached a handful of players who later found success in the NBA.

He was perhaps the most interesting person in the city. A white man who had transcended race and culture to become a strong and dignified leader of young men. His stories, his memories — whether they be of racial friction or cultural education or basketball glory — are more than enough to fill a book.

During one of our conversations, I asked Coach if he was going to retire after the season. He waffled, prattled on and on about how he wasn’t thinking about it, that he didn’t want such talk to be a distraction.

However, he did drop some hints, and if I had been better at reading between the lines, I would have known he had made up his mind already.

He admitted that there was some symmetry to 30 seasons. It was a nice neat number that universally represents retirement because of vested pension plans after that many years.

He also said back in October that his longtime assistant of 23 years, Willard Coker, was deserving of an opportunity to lead the Panthers. Coker played for Robbins on the first national championship team in 1980.

“It’s a happy, happy day for me, mainly because Coach Coker will be taking over, Robbins,” said Tuesday during a press conference. “He’s a good friend. He is more than ready to take the program and run.”

When I last spoke to Robbins in October, I asked him hypothetically what he would do if he retired since coaching had been a part of his life for 42 years.

“Antiquing,” he replied.

Right there was the biggest clue. Antiquing is searching for something, perhaps a masterpiece, belonging to the past. Maybe Robbins realized it was time to let go and allow the future to happen.

Robbins is a great man in every sense of the word. He is humble, faithful and treats people with goodness and kindness. He also walked away when he felt he needed to move on. As much as the decision will torment him in the nights to come, it was an altruistic act befitting of only great men.

MANY, MANY GRANTS FOR GRANT
The other coaching move that needs discussion is Virginia Commonwealth University’s effort to keep Anthony Grant for one more season.

The Richmond Times-Dispatch reported in early April that VCU was working on a financial package that would pay Grant “at least $750,000 and possibly close to $900,000 with incentives and basketball camps.” The paper confirmed that Grant is currently making a base salary of $400,000 with a $100,000 annuity.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Coach Grant. He’s brought so much joy and pride to my alma mater in two short seasons—he’s 52-15 with a victory in the NCAA tournament over Duke.

But VCU is not an institution where coaches make that kind of money. Dare I drop the cliché? You can buy a lot of library books with that cash. I gulped hard when I heard he was making $500,000 and thought he probably deserved it. But with all apologies to Grant, an amazing coach who will one day earn seven figures annually, if it’s going to take nearly $1 million to keep you, I’d just as soon go after the next young hot coach.

Besides, Grant’s new raise could instead be a great financial start to adding a football team.

OUT AT HOME: Another reason why I hate mowing the lawn. I was grinding away yesterday while my wife was replanting some daffodils. Suddenly, I hear a faint scream. I turned and found her bleeding from a gash on the tip of her nose and on her cheek, which swelled up to the size of a golf ball. Apparently, the lawn mower shot a stick or rock at my wife’s beautiful face. Poor thing. Now she looks like Marcia Brady after that time she took a football to the nose.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Are you kidding me?

21 Bad Days 20 Years Ago

2008-04-11T13:42:00.002-04:00

Imagine stubbing your left big toe for 21 consecutive days. Or having a flat tire for 21 mornings in a row. Or spilling your dinner wine for 21 straight evenings.

Hard to believe it could happen. But if it did, I would suspect it would be more incredible to consider that no matter what you did — make changes in your routine, anticipate the occurrence or seek professional help — the same thing happened over and over. There was nothing you could do to stop it.

It’s not some far-fetched Twilight Zone plot. This 20-year-old story has some truth to it. For one April in 1988, the Baltimore Orioles experienced something very similar when they lost their first 21 games. The losing streak to start a season is a Major League Baseball record.

Just take a moment and think about it. That’s 21 games in a row. How does this happen?

It’s not like the Orioles were a bad team. They had two future Hall of Famers in Cal Ripken Jr. and Eddie Murray. They had two very capable catchers in Mickey Tettleton and Terry Kennedy. The outfield of Brady Anderson, Fred Lynn and Larry Sheets was very solid. The pitching staff featured a young Curt Schilling, veterans Mike Boddicker and Scottie McGregor as well as hurlers in their prime like Mike Morgan, Jeff Ballard and Dave Schmidt. This was a decent team.

Plus, they say baseball is a game of inches, and on any given day, the ball will fall your way. And with this law of averages, it’s unlikely that good teams can lose more than a handful in a row. Nature won’t allow it.

But that was certainly not the case for these Orioles of my childhood.

April 9, 1988, was opening day at Memorial Stadium. A then franchise-record crowd of 52,395 showed up to witness the Orioles give one of the worst season-opening performances in history.

Baltimore lost 12-0 to the Milwaukee Brewers and in the process let a man score from second on an infield hit, allowed a steal of home, yielded 16 hits, threw two wild pitches, walked five batters and hit two more. All of this in front of Maryland Gov. William Donald Schaefer, who threw out the first pitch.

Orioles manager Cal Ripken Sr. told the Washington Post after the game: “Sometimes you have games like that. You don’t like to see it on opening day, especially in front of your fans, but it’s a funny game. The positive thing is that we’re going to show up Wednesday and the score will be 0-0. We’re a lot better than we showed today. I guarantee you that.”

General Manager Roland Hemond added: “We'll bounce back. Every team has games like this.”

Little did they know.

Wednesday indeed came but not the fans. Only an announced crowd of 13,487 watched Baltimore lose 3-1. The Orioles flew to Cleveland and were swept in four games, being outscored 28-6 by the Indians.

The streak stood at six, and Cal Ripken Sr. was fired and replaced by Hall of Famer Frank Robinson.

The beatings continued. Three more games to the Royals. Then three to the Indians. Baltimore nearly snapped their streak when Mike Morgan pitched a shutout for nine innings against Cleveland. However, the Indians scored in the 11th to take the lead. In the bottom half of the inning, Billy Ripken hit a single and then Murray missed a homer by inches. The double put runners at second and third. Baltimore failed to bring them home and lost 1-0.

The Orioles extended their streak to 15 when they lost three to the Brewers. The Royals stole three more from Baltimore in the next series. The losses featured several storylines. In the opening game, Kansas City scored nine runs in the first inning. Then in the next, the Washington Post ran this headline: “17th Loss Elemental, 4-3, Royals.”

The story’s lede was this: “KANSAS CITY, MO., APRIL 23 — They could have littered the roadway with excuses. They could have pointed toward a dazzling sun that cost them two runs or a dancing wind that cost them another.”

Apparently Mother Nature was in on the joke as well.

President Ronald Reagan called the team before the 19th consecutive loss. Iced champagne couldn’t prevent losses in games 20 and 21. The Twins were the seventh team to sweep the Orioles in the young season.

But the nightmare ended on Friday, April 29, when Baltimore beat the Chicago White Sox, 9-0, before 14,059 fans at old Comiskey Park. The streak had lasted 26 days.

“We have pride, and this has been tough,” reliever Dave Schmidt told the Washington Post. “To lose and lose like this has hurt. We handled it pretty well, getting the same question day after day. We know we’re not this bad, and to lose like this is incredible. We couldn’t relax until it was over, and we didn’t until it was over tonight.”

The Orioles promptly went out the next night and lost to end April with a record of 1-22.

OUT AT HOME: My dad is coming to town from NoVa to visit tomorrow. That means we’ll be going to Super King Buffet for dinner. It is simply the best place for a glutton like me.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: If this is wrong, I never want to be right.

The Shadow for Hire

2008-04-04T16:19:00.006-04:00

I’d like to hire myself out. I’m available full time or part time.

Here’s my ad.

Have you been ARRESTED several times in the past couple of years? Do you seem to always find trouble when you go to nightclubs? Are you on super-double probation with your professional organization or the league?
THEN YOU NEED THE SHADOW.
Since your agent and lawyer don’t give a #%$^& about you, let me make sure your nose always stays clean.
I’ll taser you if you decide to backhand a stripper. I’ll put a boot far in your rear if you want to wave a handgun about. And I’ll squeeze and not let go if you think it’s a good idea to drive after several magnums of champagne.
You’ll thank me in the morning when you wake up in your own bed.

I’m not sure where I can place the ad. Maybe Sports Illustrated?

My career inspiration came after I read that Chris Henry, a talented receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals, recently was arrested for the fifth time since 2005. The team cut him yesterday while he was in jail awaiting arraignment on assault charges.

Henry, 24, is accused of punching an 18-year-old in the face and breaking his car window with a beer bottle. A municipal court judge set Henry’s bond at $51,000 and noted his previous arrests for drugs, guns and alcohol. Judge Bernie Bouchard also called Henry a “one-man crime wave.”

The NFL would not speculate on Henry’s future with the league, but it’s likely he’ll be suspended indefinitely if he’s convicted. He was suspended for eight games last year for violating the league’s conduct policy. He was also forced to sit out two games in 2006 because of misconduct.

Bengals president Mike Brown said in a statement that Henry had forfeited his career with the club.

“His conduct can no longer be tolerated,” Brown said.

The Bengals had 10 players arrested from April 2006 to June 2007.

Hypothetically, if I was out on the town with one of my pro-athlete clients, this is what would happen. Before heading out, I would attach a remote electrical shocking device to his armpits so I could singe his hair with the push of a button.

The pro and I go out, he in a chiffon lemon suit and me in jeans and a grungy hoodie. We enter a club. He sees some lovely ladies and moves to talk with them. I go to the bar but with the client always in my sights. I order a Red Bull. He starts to pound club-issue Mad Dog 20/20.

The boyfriends of the ladies return. They accost my client, who pushes them. Suddenly, “Funky Cold Medina” thumps through the club. The boyfriends and my client continue to push and point fingers. I pull out the remote and shock him once. He jumps in the air and grabs his pits. The boyfriends stop, very confused. I shock my client again. He does the same move — a high jump with his hands in his pits. Others take notice. They shrug their shoulders and imitate. Just for kicks, I shock my client a third time, but with more voltage. He screeches, jumps and moves his feet like they’re on hot coals.

It’s all the rage. Everyone at the club dances “The High Jump.”

Later that night, as we take a taxi home and my client rests his head on my right shoulder, he thanks me for a good time.

I reply, “It’s my job.”

The next day, he trains hard to be the best free safety in the NFL. A week later, I get a call from him.

“Yo, Shadow, you wanna kick it at the clubs?”

I put on my jeans and hoodie and disappear into the night. It’s time to go to work.

OUT AT HOME: Wouldn't it be great to never have to make a bed again?

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Imagine if this guy was a golfer or a baseball player.

1977 Revisted

2008-03-27T11:47:00.026-04:00

This is without a doubt the funniest e-mail I’ve ever received. Of course when you combine the 1970s with words like “ass kicked” and “chest hair” and “terry cloth jumpsuits,” how can it not be amusing?

I wish I knew the author. But whoever you are, I’m feathering my hair just for you.

Enjoy! (I've edited some of it for the general audience)

Start of e-mail

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day.

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. BLEEP. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

OUT AT HOME: We bought our daughter her first pairs of big girl underwear this past weekend. She was very excited to discover that her mommy wore them, too. When she asked me if I wore panties, I said, "no, daddy wears boxers." She didn't understand and was a bit disappointed. So, I corrected myself. "Yes, daddy wears panties. But they are black with skull bones and absolutely no lace!"

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I'm sure there are probably a thousand examples of other teams doing this. But plays like this one is why people do not like Duke.

Bet The Mortgage, The Rams Are In (well maybe lunch money instead)

2008-03-14T14:19:00.006-04:00

I was on a weekend drive last Sunday when Linus Kiselius banked in a game-winning shot to lift William & Mary over Virginia Commonwealth University in a stunner. The victory advanced the Tribe into the finals of the Colonial Athletic Association tournament finals against George Mason, which eventually won the title and the automatic bid.

The Rams, however, were left questioning how they could lose in such a crucial time of the season when they had played so well during most of it. When there were really no answers, VCU was reduced to scoreboard watching and hoping for favorites to win and high-major bubble teams to lose.

I’m here to tell you today, given what’s happened over the past week, the Rams are in. No doubt about it.

There are 34 at-large bids. It’s a given that the Big East will get six teams in not including the conference tournament champ. The Atlantic Coast Conference will likely get three at-large invitations.

That leaves 25.

The Big Ten will take up four more slots and the Pac-10 five at-larges. The SEC also will earn five bids, and this does not include two-time champs Florida.

The total now of at-larges is 11.

The Mountain West will only get one bid beside the conference tournament winner after New Mexico was beaten in the quarterfinals. The West Coast Conference, however, will get two at-large bids because St. Mary’s lost to San Diego, which beat Gonzaga in the finals. Those three teams are in.

We are down to eight.

The Atlantic 10 will likely just have one at-large after Massachusetts lost in the quarterfinals of the conference tournament. I’m giving the Big 12 the benefit of the doubt and slotting that conference for four teams, even though Baylor is definitely on the bubble and lost in its first tournament game.

So we’re down to three.

The Sun Belt will get one of those bids because South Alabama fell early in its conference tournament. I have a hard time giving Illinois State of the Missouri Valley Conference an invite because it lost in the title game to Drake by 30.

Now there are two.

Here are the teams remaining vying for those spots, though it might change depending what happens over the next three days in conference tournaments.

I have VCU (24-7), Miami (22-9) or Virginia Tech (18-12), Villanova (20-12) and Oregon (18-13). I’ll even throw in Florida (21-11) and Illinois State (24-9). Miami and Virginia Tech play each other today. My guess is the winner of that ACC clash will get the bid.

That leaves one.

Though VCU’s RPI is 61 compared to Illinois State’s 36, I believe the Rams and the CAA have earned tiebreakers. The CAA has had multiple bids in consecutive years now and is the only mid-major conference to have a school reach the Final Four. Add the VCU victory over Duke last year and its near upset of Pittsburgh, the selection committee should take history into account.

That’s why I believe the Rams will be dancing as a 13th seed. And like I predicted in a previous week, I see VCU winning a first-round game.

OUT AT HOME: Like I said, I drove west last weekend. Took the family to Farmville to eat at a country diner. We got lost and ended up at KFC at the corner of Huguenot and Robius.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Good for Billy Crystal! Fouling off a major-league pitch is as good as roping one into center.

He Might Come Running Back

2008-03-05T12:56:00.003-05:00

After years of contemplating retirement, Brett Favre will finally commit to it.

The decision surprised many fans, especially in Green Bay where Favre played 17 seasons. He informed Packers coach Mike McCarthy of the retirement during a telephone call Monday night.

“I know I can still play, but it’s like I told my wife, I’m just tired mentally. I’m just tired,” Favre said in a voicemail to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen.

Unlike many of the great quarterbacks of his generation, Favre can walk away from the game saying he can still compete. Multiple concussions forced Dallas’ Troy Aikman, Buffalo’s Jim Kelly and San Francisco’s Steve Young out of the game. Various significant injuries made the retirement decision easier for Dan Marino in 2000.

The 38-year-old Favre has started an NFL record 253 consecutive games at quarterback. He owns league records for passing touchdowns (442), passing yards (61,655), completions (5,377), attempts (8,758), interceptions (288) and games with at least three TDs (63). His 160-93 regular season record is the most wins for a quarterback.

Favre and the Packers lost to the eventual Super Bowl winners, the New York Giants, last year in the NFC Championship Game. The gunslinging QB, known for his grit, heart and cannon arm, had one of his best seasons ever.

Until today, the prevailing thought was that Favre definitely would return and pursue another Super Bowl.

“If I felt like coming back — and Deanna [Favre’s wife] and I talked about this — the only way for me to be successful would be to win a Super Bowl,” Favre told ESPN. “To go to the Super Bowl and lose would almost be worse than anything else. Anything less than a Super Bowl win would be unsuccessful.”

But Aikman is quoted saying he thinks Favre will miss the game too much.

“As the season gets closer, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he changes his mind,” Aikman said.

I wouldn’t either.

None of us will ever know what it’s like to be a professional NFL quarterback, especially one of Favre’s caliber. But it must be a blessed feeling. I doubt these great quarterbacks can adequately describe their charmed existence.

What is it like to throw a ball 50 yards into the hands of a streaking receiver as 90,000 fans roar? What is it like to run off the field with raised ball in victory, knowing you have just captured a prize that is the source of happiness for millions of people? What is it like to have the way you play the game and the character you show imitated by others in all facets of their life?

I can’t imagine another endeavor that could compare in terms of exhilaration, emotion and effect.

Favre can still fulfill more dreams, even now in the bonus time of his career. Aikman, Kelly, Young and Marino could not. And if these great quarterbacks were given Favre’s option, their past decision would dictate they would play until they were carried off with their legs dragging behind them.

John Elway, another hall-of-fame quarterback from this era, came back twice and won back-to-back Super Bowls. He hobbled both those seasons.

So it is a little disheartening, just a tiny bit, that Favre, this great warrior who has not missed a game in more than 15 seasons, chooses to walk away with gas left in the tank.

To me, when an athlete is blessed with so much and has received so much, a debt must be paid. And that payment is to play until the very end. And that end is when the body begs for mercy.

Favre will be missed — if indeed he never returns. But it’s likely he’ll miss the game more.

OUT AT HOME: We were watching Intervention the other day. The show is about people with addictions. My wife turned to my 2-year-old daughter and said, “Don’t do drugs!” The mama then asked the youngster if she heard the message. My daughter nodded and replied, “Don’t do dragons!”

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Um. I don’t blame the field reporter at the recent Los Angeles Marathon for not having a reply.

Rocket Malfunction

2008-02-29T17:03:00.008-05:00

America is a forgiving nation.

Do wrong. Admit to fault. Ask for compassion.

Anything short of the most atrocious crimes, Americans will exonerate the guilty--even embrace them if they are willing to accept responsibility and punishment.

This is a fair nation.

Pete Rose knows that now. If only he had admitted to gambling when he was accused, he not only might be in Cooperstown, but he probably would be coaching and regarded as the best combined player and coach who ever lived.

Instead, he acknowledged fault years later and has never been forgiven. He cheated. Then he lied about it. Then he kept lying about it when there was clear evidence to the contrary.

That sort of deception is never forgiven.

Pete Rose turned from American sports legend to old and pathetic.

Flash forward to today and Roger Clemens, who is arguably the greatest pitcher in history. Clemens was named in the Mitchell Report, a 409-page document released Dec. 13 that spans the history of illegal performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball.

The report claims Clemens used steroids and human growth hormone at least 16-21 times from 1998-2001. The basis of the allegation comes from Brian McNamee, Clemens’ former personal trainer, who testified that he injected the pitcher with the illegal substances.

Clemens went on the attack early to defend himself. He appeared with Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes and insisted he would never go for the “quick fix.”

“I’m angry that, that what I’ve done for the game of baseball and as a person, in my private life … that I don’t get the benefit of the doubt,” Clemens told Wallace. “The stuff that’s being said, it’s ridiculous. It’s hogwash for people to even assume this. Twenty-four, 25 years, Mike. You’d think I’d get an inch of respect. An inch.”

Just a day after appearing on the CBS show, Clemens staged a press conference and released a 17-minute audiotape of a conversation he had with McNamee three days earlier. He also filed a defamation suit.

Clemens brought a knife to a gunfight and later released a statistical report that he says rebuts allegations that his career rebounded about the time he was accused of using performance-enhancing drugs.

Meanwhile, McNamee turned over vials, syringes and gauze pads to federal investigators. The samples were reported to have Clemens blood and illegal drugs mixed together.

Jump forward again to Feb. 13, when Clemens and McNamee testified at a congressional hearing on drug use in baseball. Clemens continued to deny all allegations despite his best friend, Pettitte, testifying in a sworn affidavit to Congress that “The Rocket” confessed he did use human growth hormone.

Now the FBI is involved and is investigating whether Clemens lied to Congress. He could face perjury charges very soon.

Yes, Clemens is innocent until a court decides otherwise.

I’m just wondering here. If evidence should surface showing Clemens lied, won’t we all wonder: With all his millions, with his connections to some very smart people, why didn’t anybody just suggest he tell the truth? I mean, his buddy Pettitte did when he admitted what McNamee said about his usage of HGH in the Mitchell Report was true.

Won’t we wonder why Pettitte didn’t simply remind Clemens about Rafael Palmeiro or Mark McGwire? Palmeiro wagged his finger at the same committee on March 17, 2005, and denied all allegations. McGwire said nothing.

Five months later, Palmeiro was suspended for 10 days for steroids use.

Today, neither player is seriously considered for the Hall of Fame, though each has the numbers to earn a spot. As far as the voters and the public are concerned, they lied and continue to lie. Therefore, they are cheaters.

In the meantime, Pettitte is preparing for another season. He’s faced the questions. Some have even praised him. I wouldn’t go that far. He did cheat the game. But I do forgive him.

However, if Clemens joins the list of proven cheaters, I hope he never enters the Hall of Fame. Sure you can shout there’s no conviction, just like Barry Bonds. But I ask you: does a court have to say so for us to believe it?

Besides, the Hall of Fame should be the farthest thing on Clemens’ mind. He’s dealing with the feds now. You don’t play around with those folks. Just ask Michael Vick.

OUT AT HOME: Hoisin sauce. — it makes every noodle dish, including Ramen, taste restaurant-quality. Try it.

PHOTO OF THE WEEK: Perhaps the greatest sports photo ever?

Your Rams Are Better Than Mine

2008-02-22T11:58:00.005-05:00

I’ve held off writing about the Virginia Commonwealth University men’s basketball team because I didn’t want to jinx them. I’m ridiculously superstitious and told myself “when” the Rams won their 20th game, I would blog something.

It happened on Wednesday.

VCU beat Northeastern, 66-62, to improve its record to 20-6. It’s the first time the Rams have had consecutive 20-win seasons since 1983-84 and 1984-85. VCU needs one more Colonial Athletic Association victory to clinch the No. 1 seed in the upcoming conference tournament.

I’m beaming with pride.

When I attended VCU from 1990-95, we had a heck of a men’s basketball program. Kendrick Warren, Sherron Mills, Marc Jackson, George Byrd, Kenny Harris, Terrence Gibson, Tyron McCoy, Rodney Ashby, Eric Atkins balled at the Richmond Coliseum. Oh yeah, I can’t forget Konstantin Pepeliaev, the first 7-footer and Russian to play for VCU (I believe).

I would argue that those teams had more talent than the Rams under the current head coach, Anthony Grant. Warren is the school’s all-time leading scorer. Mills was selected in the second round of the NBA draft. Jackson played in the NBA long enough to earn a pension. McCoy is a top 10 all-time scorer.

But the Rams of my era never sniffed the NCAA Tournament under Sonny Smith. Instead, VCU lost in the first round of the NIT in 1993 to current rival Old Dominion.

Those Rams teams disappointed me every year.

So what’s the difference?

Coaching is definitely the biggest reason. But more on that in a bit.

The Rams did themselves a favor when they moved to the CAA in 1995 from the dissolved Metro Conference. VCU had very little chance of winning the automatic bid against schools like Louisville, UNC Charlotte, Southern Mississippi and Tulane. And unfortunately for the Rams, they never jelled well enough to be seriously considered for an at-large bid.

Now, VCU is in a conference with similar schools. The Rams can compete against programs like George Mason, James Madison and Old Dominion.

But like I said before, Grant is the difference maker. He has developed a culture of winning, and that still translates well with a young team.

I’ve watched perhaps a dozen Rams games. I’ve only seen them play their best two or three times. In other games, VCU struggled offensively — shooting poorly, committing way too many turnovers and not having a reliable third scorer.

But in the 12 games or so, I’ve only seen them lose once.

Three reasons why.

One, VCU plays great defense. The Rams get after it and put constant pressure on the ball. They can transition quickly from defense to offense and that leads to many easy baskets. VCU is holding opponents to 58.7 points per game, 38.7 percent shooting and just 27.5 percent from behind the arc. Those are impressive numbers.

Two, the Rams have a pair of go-to-guys who can score when the team needs a bucket. Everybody knows Eric Maynor, who leads the team with an 18.2-points scoring average and 135 assists. However, more notable are his 140 trips to the free-throw line where he’s shooting better than 78 percent. That means when Maynor needs to score, he’s taking it to the basket and getting rewarded. The other threat is Jamal Shuler, who is a good complement because he can hit the three when the team needs a big rally.

Three, VCU never seems to hesitate or appear nervous when holding a narrow lead or trying to come back from a deficit. This demeanor is a product of Grant and the run late last year. The Rams believe they can win every game despite the scoreboard.

I truly believe if VCU finds a consistent third scorer, even if it’s a different person every game, the Rams will again go to the NCAA Tournament. And depending on the matchup, I think it’s reasonable to expect a victory in the first round.

VCU has an important contest tomorrow morning at Akron in ESPNU’s BracketBuster game. This is not a must-win, but is probably needed if the Rams fall to at-large status.

And, folks, trust me — Grant is just getting started. The VCU program is going to maintain this level for a decade even if he leaves.

OUT AT HOME: I love the television show Lost. I watched it last night and predicted the identity of the baby before he was revealed. I do have so many questions. So if you’re a Lost expert, please leave a message. I need some answers.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Keeping with the theme of singing kids, here’s one that made me smile. I love the accent!

I Look Good in Cardinal Red

2008-02-15T12:31:00.004-05:00

I start a new job Tuesday and feel energized and hopeful for the future. That wasn’t the case the past several months when the old job was taking its toll, wearing me out and making me feel lost.

With this new start, I decided to incorporate other beginnings in my life. For example, I will bring my own bags to the grocery store to do more for the environment. I will complete the chores on my to-do list on time and without grumbles. I will throw away the microphone to stop cursing at “kids” who beat me in online video games.

But perhaps my biggest change will be switching NFL teams. I have been a Washington Redskins fan since I asked my dad about football in 1976. Even my Vietnamese grandfather adopted the team when he moved to this country and Reston, Va.

“I love Doc Walker,” Hung Gui Cung would say. “He from UKLA.”

“No, grandpa,” I would reply. “He’s from U-C-L-A.”

Every time John Riggins or Gerald Riggs would plow through an opponent, my grandpa would roll on the floor laughing his dentures off and snorting rice out of his nose.

“John Riggo, he a character,” the Hungster would say.

Indeed, so many good memories.

But it’s time for a change. Just like my old job that left me tired, the Redskins under Daniel Snyder have worn me out. It’s an uphill battle every day to be a fan of this team. It’s like a constant fight. I yell and yell and yell that what they are doing is wrong, but Snyder never listens to me.

Let’s go back to this past season only. When Sean Taylor died, the fan base pulled together and the team bonded. Snyder was beloved for doing all the right things. The Redskins surged to the playoffs. There was hope for the future.

Then Joe Gibbs retired. The consensus feeling was that the organization and its fans wanted to keep the team intact and see how far they could take Gibbs 2.0. It turns out 2.0 was measured in inches and not Super Bowls.

From the beginning of the coaching search, Snyder did things that baffled experts. He held interviews at his mansion, and the candidates usually spent the night. He spoke with defensive coordinator Gregg Williams four times without success. Snyder revved up Redskins 1 and had a secret rendezvous with Jim Fassel that made no sense to anyone. The former Giants coach had not been linked to a top job in years.

Then Snyder fired Al Saunders, meaning that quarterback Jason Campbell would have to learn another offense. He hired Jim Zorn, who previously had never held a position higher than quarterback coaching. Zorn brings in the West Coast offense, which some have said is a system that is completely opposite of Campbell’s strengths.

Snyder also fired Williams and hired his assistant Greg Blache. On the outside, it would seem cruel treatment of a man who had the players’ support and had given the franchise three pretty solid years.

When this happened, the thought was Fassel was going to get the job. He had links to Zorn and Blache. But apparently enough outraged fans spoke up and changed Snyder’s mind.

Anyway, now Zorn is the coach. I have no idea if he’s ready. I’m sure he’s motivated, but that might not be enough in this circus. The search has turned the Redskins from an endeared team after the Taylor tragedy to once again being the laughingstock of the NFL.

I’m exhausted.

And I was ready to collapse after hearing the Redskins want to trade first- and third-round draft choices for old and selfish wide receiver Chad Johnson. Why? Haven’t they learned that good teams build through the draft? Enough of the old ways that didn’t work.

This team leaves me pooped.

So I figured my new team should be the Arizona Cardinals. They are close in color scheme. They have never won anything significant, so I can’t be accused of bandwagon jumping. And they have Russ Grimm, an old guard from the glory days.

Hello, Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald!

OUT AT HOME: The best thing about being unemployed is spending the day with my daughter. The worse thing is deciding what is an appropriate salary requirement. Hate that question.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I’m biased of course, but there’s nothing cuter in the world.

Let’s Not Get Caught on the Rebound

2008-01-31T11:56:00.000-05:00

I purposely avoided writing about the Richmond Braves last week to see if people still cared about the topic. Turns out, the hurt and anger still linger, and fingers are still being pointed.

It’s so easy to blame the city and the mayor for the Braves leaving town. Anyone with a platform can use anecdotes to stir negative emotions aimed at our leaders.

But what if it’s our fault? What if we’re truly the ones to blame, and the local leaders reacted based on our action the past few years?

It’s OK to admit we’re hurt by the team’s pending departure. Somehow, the Braves leaving makes us feel like we failed. Could we have shown more affection? Could we have paid more attention? Could we have expressed more pride?

Probably.

But we didn’t. And now they’re leaving.

It started out as a great relationship. We adored each other. Remember 1993, when more than 540,000 of us visited The Diamond? Now that’s love. That was the start of an eight-year run of more than half a million fans at the old ballpark each season. Those were the best of times. Jermaine Dye. Chipper Jones. Even John Rocker.

But something happened in 2001. We started to drift apart. What came between us? Were we having too many problems at home? What was the reason for a drop-off of nearly 80,000 fans from the previous season?

Whatever the difficulties, they persisted because we didn’t spend nearly enough time together. Only 321,696 showed up in 2006, with a slight improvement to 356,028 in 2007. Richmond’s decline in attendance occurs at a time when minor-league baseball is seeing unprecedented attendance numbers elsewhere.

Minor-league baseball drew 900,000 more fans in 2007, setting a record for the fourth consecutive year. That figure was compiled based on numbers supplied by 12 leagues.

So why would we want another team when we’ve proven we don’t want to support the one we have now?

It’s been reported that organizations are lining up to come to Richmond. Some suggest that we should move forward with our stadium plans. Bring in another team, people say, and everything will be better.

It’s natural when there’s a breakup to seek the nearest quick fix. But rarely does that heal the wounds.

The best course of action is to think for a minute and consider if we really want another relationship so soon.

I think it would be unwise to move too fast.

Why? Because Richmond is not a professional sports town — not in the slightest.

Take Fort Wayne, Ind., for example. There’s no interstate flowing through the Hoosier state’s second-largest city, which has a population of roughly 252,000. There are no companies like Circuit City or LandAmerica Financial or Genworth Financial or MeadWestvaco with headquarters there.

But there are professional sports teams — six of them, including the Mad Ants of the NBA Developmental League and the Wizards of the Class A Midwest League.

The folks in Fort Wayne love their teams so much that they supported a plan to build a new 5,000-seat downtown stadium for an estimated cost of $30 million, to be completed before the 2009 season. And that’s for a Class A team.

The company that owns the team, Hardball Capital, pledged $5 million toward the project. The city will borrow $16 million, with the debt being paid with tax money collected by special downtown taxing districts.

The Wizards’ old haunt, 6,300-seat Memorial Stadium, was dedicated on April 18, 1993.

What would be the reaction of Richmonders and those who live in the surrounding counties if such a deal was proposed?

I’ll give you one guess.

Let’s consider all our options before dropping millions on another team that might one day leave because we won’t support them.

Perhaps the answer to the situation was written previously on this blog. One person suggested we build a football stadium.

The new facility would give the emerging University of Richmond program a competitive edge in recruiting. It also might encourage Virginia Commonwealth University and the school’s president, Eugene Trani, to field a team.

Can you imagine a Spiders vs. Rams game on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in a stadium that’s unique to Richmond?

If that ever happened, all of this angst over the Braves might be forgotten, and forgiven.

OUT AT HOME: Super Bowl Prediction: Giants 35, Patriots 24. Yeah right.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: OK, I would switch places with Tom Brady. He’s No. 2 on the smooth list behind George Clooney.

Love Is on the Menu

2008-01-29T16:41:00.000-05:00

Turn up the heat this Valentine’s Day without, well, turning up the heat — in the kitchen at least. Let some location restaurants arouse your senses with special love-brewing menus. Below is a sampling of Valentine’s Day offerings; be sure to make reservations in advance.

Manakin Grill
12912 Plaza Drive, 784-0544
Three-course prix-fixe menu for $45 to include choices such as she-crab soup, coconut shrimp, pecan chicken and pan-roasted escolar (be advised that the latter could disrupt your romantic intensions).

Edible Garden
12506 River Road, 784-2011
Chef Ed Blasé is cooking up a fabulous meal — served Feb. 14-16 in conjunction with the restaurant’s third anniversary — focusing on local ingredients that both meat-eaters and vegetarians alike will love. Menu items include an appetizer of grilled Italian sausage, fennel, cannelloni beans, sun-dried red pepper and a roasted garlic crostini; and a roasted Portobello mushroom, butternut squash, caramelized onion and parsnip Napoleon entrée.

Berkeley Hotel
1200 E. Cary St., 780-1300
This four-course menu is $150 per couple, excluding tax and tip. Menu items include Surry sausage and oyster-stuffed clams in a roasted tomato broth; broccoli Reggiano Parmigiano bisque with grilled lobster; petite grilled beef tenderloin topped with Hudson Valley duck breast, whipped potatoes and baby broccoli with sherry balsamic reduction; and red currant key lime tartlets.

Zed Café
5109 Lakeside Ave., 261-5656
Prix-fixe five-course dinner ($75 per person) starting at 5:30 p.m.

Virginia Crossings Resort
1000 Virginia Center Parkway, 727-1400
At Virginia Crossings Resort look for several special offers between Feb. 14-17, including entertainment each evening. A room package ($249) includes a Valentine’s Day dinner and breakfast. If you’d rather romance your honey in your own bed, try the “Celebration of Romance” dinner ($49.95 per person), a four-course meal that includes soup, and shared candied-curry crab martini and grilled shrimp cocktail appetizers. For your entrees, choose from wild mushroom ravioli with mozzarella-stuffed portabella served with creamy risotto and asparagus; chicken oscar with lump crab and hollandaise; to grilled petite lamb chops with balsamic drizzle; grilled salmon with caper berry beurré blanc; and twin tornados filet with au poivre cognac cream. Finish off the meal by sharing a cheesecake sampler or chocolate-dipped strawberries.

What Else Should I Be … All Apologies

2008-01-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

Golf Channel anchor Kelly Tilghman returned to work Thursday after being suspended for two weeks. She was disciplined after saying during the season-opening tournament that other PGA Tour players should take Tiger Woods and “lynch him in a back alley.”

Tilghman rightfully apologized to Woods, who acknowledged her mistake and said the issue was over. However, the Rev. Al Sharpton and members of other organizations called for Tilghman’s firing. Her words were predictably twisted, and the controversy spread like wildfire.

That’s when the Golf Channel stepped in and suspended its anchor.

Tilghman recorded another apology that was played at the top of a telecast Thursday.

“I’m Kelly Tilghman. It’s an honor to be with you again,” she said. “In a recent live broadcast, I used an inappropriate word that was offensive to many. Over the last two weeks, I’ve taken this time to reflect and truly understand the impact of what I said. While I did not intend to offend anyone, I understand why those words were hurtful. I am terribly sorry for any hurt that I’ve caused. I would like to express my deepest apologies.”

It’s my opinion that Tilghman did not have to apologize again. She definitely made a mistake and used poor judgment — hence the initial apology and subsequent suspension. That should have been enough.

I also don’t like how the most recent admission of guilt sounds so PR. Who talks like that anyway? If you are a public-relations professional, please tell me how this sort of language is beneficial?

I wonder if she were really allowed to apologize with her own words, what would they be? Maybe something like this?

“I made a terrible mistake, and I’m sorry. I tried to associate a posse of young guns on the PGA Tour taking down the most powerful man in town with a lynching. It was in poor taste. I know better. But never did offending African-Americans enter my mind. Tiger is my friend. I have infinite respect for him. I know and Tiger knows I’m not a racist. I’m very pissed off that anyone would imply that. You don’t know me. And stop trying to make me out to be a bad person. I’m not and neither are my employers. It’s over. Go away.”

Perhaps that kind of response would encourage the situation to last a little longer. But hell, Tilghman would probably feel better about herself.

Tilghman is not the first to read an apology crafted by some high-powered but clueless PR firms. It happens almost monthly in sports. An athlete gets in trouble and reads a statement. The press event is cold and really, does anyone ever heal from hearing a sterile apology?

The only genuine request for forgiveness I’ve heard in years is the one Michael Vick gave. More PR firms should study that moment and copy it. Vick appeared to speak from the heart, and I believed he truly was sorry for his actions. Not like he owed me an apology. But it was nice to learn that Vick was human like me.

Now another sports anchor is in trouble. ESPN’s Dana Jacobson apparently said something “inappropriate” about Notre Dame, Touchdown Jesus and Jesus while drunk at a roast. I believe the f-word was used often.

So what did the co-host of First Take on ESPN2 say in her apology?

“My remarks about Notre Dame were foolish and insensitive,” she said. “I respect all religions and did not mean anything derogatory by my poorly chosen words. I won’t make excuses for my behavior, but I do hope I can be forgiven for such a poor lack of judgment.”

Too bad she couldn’t just say, “I was drunk and words came out of my mouth that I thought were funny at the time. You people are so sensitive and judgmental. Get over yourself. But if you can’t, I’m sorry if I offended you.”

OUT AT HOME: I have good news and bad news. The good news is I’m taking a multivitamin every day now. The bad news is my diet is not working. I haven’t lost a single pound and still top the scales at over two bills.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: For all you sports bachelors out there — ninja shirt folding.

Richmond Braves Moving

2008-01-14T14:02:00.001-05:00

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting on its Web site that the Class AAA Richmond Braves are moving to Gwinnett County, which is a suburb of Atlanta.

The move will come following the 2010 season when the Braves’ lease with The Diamond expires.

Reporter David O’Brien cites two unnamed sources familiar with the situation. John Emmett, public relations manager for the Richmond Braves, said the team had "no comment on today's report."

The Braves have played at The Diamond since the mid-1980s and have been a part of the Richmond community since 1966. However, the deteriorating ballpark has raised questions from the Atlanta Braves franchise, local fans and Richmond city officials whether a new stadium should be built or an extensive renovation of The Diamond should take place.

No decision was reached and further discussions were put on hold after the Braves agreed to extend the current lease for up to three years in late August. According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, the parent team also said it was ready to hike annual rent payments to nearly $750,000 a year over 20 years for a new stadium that would cost around $35 million. That contribution would have accounted for nearly half of the annual cost to finance the stadium.

But the city hesitated and began a search to hire a developer for the Boulevard. The Times-Dispatch reported that this move frustrated Atlanta officials who were eager to sign a new agreement quickly.

It would appear the city was trying to play chicken with the Braves instead of sharing the road. There was no way the Atlanta franchise was going to entirely pay for a new stadium. It would seem each time the parent club tried to be reasonable and nail down a deal, the city came up with a reason to balk.

Now, the Braves have blinked and turned off the road to head back to Georgia. Maybe the city was gambling upon the perceived lack of interest in keeping the Braves. It will be interesting to realize if this notion is true.

A guess? Richmonders will not miss the team.

Too Young to Diet

2008-01-14T08:41:00.000-05:00

Flipping through the TV channels recently, I came upon an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. I watched just long enough to see a stick figure of a teen throw a tantrum about how fat she looked. I was appalled, but I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. According to the Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders (ANRED) organization, about one out of every 100 women between the ages of 10 and 20 are starving themselves to look thin, and about 4 percent of college-aged women have bulimia. In 2005, 12.3 percent of high school students reported they had gone without eating for 24 hours or more to lose weight or to keep from gaining weight during the last 30 days, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In her book Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body, journalist Courtney E. Martin explores eating disorders through first-person accounts. The book is a 2007 nominee for the Books for a Better Life Award. On Feb. 16 from 10 a.m. to noon, Martin will speak at Commonwealth Parenting (4121 Cox Road, Suite 110) as part of its distinguished speakers’ series.

Martin has written for Newsweek, the New York Times and the Village Voice. She’s also been featured in Seventeen, Glamour and Family Circle and has appeared on the NBC’s Today show, MSNBC, and Fox News. Martin is currently an adjunct professor of women’s studies at New York’s Hunter College and is collaborating with Emmy-winning, HIV/AIDS activist Marvelyn S. Brown on a memoir of her life, set for release later this year.

Registration is required: Tickets are $30 per person; the first 100 students to register will attend for free. For more information, call 545-1272 or visit Commonwealth Parenting.

And Now … Random Thoughts

2008-01-11T19:15:00.000-05:00

Since there is so much going on in sports, I thought it would be best to write a random thoughts column. But before I start, I forgot my manners last week and didn’t wish you a Happy New Year. So there it is. May you have the best year of your life.

Let’s start with the Redskins coaching situation. As you already know, Joe Jackson Gibbs stepped down to spend more time with his family. Not a bad decision for a 67-year-old with diabetes and a very sick grandchild. Thank you, Joe, for restoring my team — two playoff appearances in four years is a great accomplishment considering the previous 13 years with just one postseason showing.

I certainly hope owner Dan Snyder stays in house and hires Gregg Williams. This will allow the Redskins to continue to ride what Gibbs has built. Give Williams a two-year contract and keep the coaches and core players and let’s see if the team can maintain the momentum.

If Snyder goes outside and hires a young defensive coordinator like Jim Schwartz (Tennessee) or Rex Ryan (formerly Baltimore), then you can bet that current offensive coordinator Al Saunders will stay but there will be changes and a year or two of rebuilding.

However, the most drastic changes will come if Snyder can entice Bill Cowher to end his self-imposed two-year retirement. Cowher will be expensive (I’ve read nearly $10 million per year); he will want personnel control and prefers a 3-4 defense. In my lifetime, the Redskins have never played a 3-4 defense. That would be a complete overhaul of the team. Not the best scenario.

So please, Snyder, you said Gibbs left the team in good shape. Let’s explore if that statement is true by keeping the Redskins together. Hire Williams.

University of Richmond coach Dave Clawson is leaving for the University of Tennessee to become the offensive coordinator. That’s great news, although many Spider fans may not agree. For Clawson, it is a direct path to a head coaching position at a football powerhouse.

In addition, Clawson nearly doubles his salary after being offered a three-year deal worth $1.2 million, according to published reports.

Ironically, Clawson, 40, signed a five-year contract last week with Richmond after leading the football team to its finest season and an 11-3 record. He was 29-20 over four years with a pair of conference championships.

Good luck, Coach Clawson.

I’ve been reading about what’s going on in Michigan. Rich Rodriguez left West Virginia to become the Wolverines’ new coach a few weeks ago. Then after Michigan beat Florida in the Capital One Bowl, freshman quarterback Ryan Mallett said he was transferring. Mallett’s pro style of play does not fit Rodriguez’s spread offense that requires a running QB.

Here’s where I have a problem with the NCAA’s current system for transferring. Mallett was the second-rated prep quarterback a year ago and came to Michigan because of the pro style of Lloyd Carr. Mallett now has to SIT OUT a year if he transfers to another Division I school, per NCAA rules. (Players don’t have to sit a year if they transfer to a Division I-AA school like Richmond).

It’s a sure bet Mallett will be a professional quarterback on some level. His primary objective at this time is finding a college that helps him accomplish his goal. So why does he have to sit out a year and be penalized? It’s not his fault that Rodriguez came in and changed the system. The NCAA should allow players under these circumstances to transfer to a Division I school and play immediately.

I was 1-3 on my picks for the NFL wildcard playoffs. I’m back to try again. The winners this weekend will be Jacksonville, Indianapolis, New York and Green Bay.

OUT AT HOME: My wife declared “we need a new vacuum” late last Sunday. I shrugged and said, “let’s go to Best Buy.” We came home with a new vacuum and a stinking carpet cleaner! I have to admit the carpet cleaner has been money. We’ve done half the house and already I’ve noticed a huge difference in our air quality. Now I’m obsessed with air. This week our furnace will get a new filter.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I haven’t seen the new show yet, but this promo is pretty funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSSJdEuT0p8

The Business of Being Born

2008-01-10T09:32:00.000-05:00

Life is full of choices, but some women are concerned they no longer have a choice when it comes to delivering their babies. The concern largely stems from an increase in births via caesarean section. For example, in 2004, the caesarean rate was 29.1 percent, an 8 percent increase over the previous year and a 41 percent increase from 1996, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. These figures lead to speculation. Are more women being coerced into C-sections because doctors are afraid of lawsuits stemming from vaginal births? Or are women just not informed of their choices — doulas, midwives, home birth?

Ricki Lake (yes, that Ricki Lake ) tackles those questions and talks about her own home birthing experience in a documentary set to be shown at the Byrd Theatre in February. The Business of Being Born, directed by Abby Epstein, has been screened across the country; this will be the third and final preview in Richmond. “We want the dialogue to continue and the conversations to grow so that women, men and families know what their options are, what their choices are so that they can make truly informed decisions on how best to bring a dear baby into this world,” says Richmond organizer Therese Hak-Kuhn. Jenny Simpson, who owns and operates Birth and Baby Kneads in the West End, agrees: “Women don’t understand birth anymore,” she says. “I’m not pro-home birth or anything, but I’m just like, ‘Ladies, get a grip; you’re going in for major surgery.’ ”

Doors open at 12:30 p.m. Feb. 3, and the movie begins at 1 p.m., with small facilitated group discussions afterward. Tickets are $2; students get in free with I.D.

On the Picket Line

2008-01-04T16:35:00.000-05:00

Richmond native John Aboud (of VH1 and Modern Humorist fame), who now lives in Pasadena and is a Hollywood writer, says that things are “sucky” right now, with the writers’ strike having taken over his life. You can read his “near-constant blogging” on the subject at United Hollywood. Aside from the strike, Aboud and comedy partner Michael Colton also appear on newly released Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place DVDs explaining everything you wanted to know about these twin pinnacles of 1990s American culture (no, that isn’t a Tori Spelling reference). Like Dave Barry says, we aren’t making this up.

The Playoff Posse

2008-01-04T11:30:00.000-05:00

I asked my 6-year-old nephew the other day if he liked school. He said not really. I beckoned why. He had no reply.

“Would you rather be at home or at school?” I pushed.

“At home.”

Obviously.

“Would you rather be at home all alone in your room or at school?”

“At home because I have four stuffed animals on my bed. So I won’t be alone.”

That response turned my nose sideways.

“Wanna know their names?”

Now he was in control. I nodded.

“There’s Teddy.”

It wouldn’t be a bed posse without Teddy, probably the lieutenant of the clan. Just like Todd Collins, the quarterback who now gives the Washington Redskins (9-7) a platoon leader who can execute the colonel’s commands. He does it with precision, completing nearly 71 percent of his passes in three of his team's four victories to close the season.

Collins hits the passes that move the ball just enough to continue the ride on the momentum train. That’s the beauty of this offense right now. It is methodical and unspectacular, but it is physically brutal on a defense.

And the leader of this professional football offense is Collins, who will be the difference Saturday afternoon against the Seattle Seahawks (10-6) in the NFC wildcard playoff round.

The Redskins won't win without a big game from their 36-year-old. The Seahawks are too good, especially their defense. They attack and create opportunities with sacks and turnovers — two things this quarterback has shown he can limit.

Collins has waited for this opportunity his entire professional career. It’s a game that he can decide. What a wonderful opportunity to bear such a responsibility and to confront such a burden.

I submit that he’ll play his best game yet this weekend — Washington 31, Seattle 20.

“There’s Shrek,” my nephew added.

“Teddy and Shrek, dangerous one-two punch.” He agreed with me. Smart boy. Shrek does kick butt.

Just like the Jacksonville Jags, entering their game against the Pittsburgh Steelers as an unstoppable force. The Jags (11-5) beat the Steelers (10-6) on Dec. 16 by a touchdown.

But it’s hard to defeat a good team in its house two times in a month, especially if one game is during the playoffs. Though the Steelers struggled down the stretch, I like Ben Roethlisberger. He knows how to win in the postseason — much more than his counterpart, David Garrard.

This game is perhaps the hardest to call. But the wintry conditions and home-field advantage will help Pittsburgh prevail in this upset — Steelers 20, Jags 17.

“There’s Harry,” he said.

“Harry? Why do you call him that?”

“He’s a monkey with orange hair that sticks up, and it looks real.”

“Oh, Hairy?”

My nephew nodded.

Hairy would best describe the New York Giants (10-6). What team will show up against the Tampa Bay Bucs (9-7) on Sunday? Make no mistake, New York has talent, when it runs the football, the Giants are one of the top five teams in the league.

But when New York relies on Eli Manning to win games, then it’s 50-50. There’s no telling what Manning will do. Granted, he played well against the Pats, but he has not proven that he can string a few good games together.

So will the Giants grow frustrated against a stout Tampa defense and abandon what they do best early in the game? Or will they keep pounding Brandon Jacobs and hope Eli will convert those tough five yards on third down to sustain drives?

I see Jeff Garcia returning to the lineup with some fire. He has always played well against the Giants, having engineered two playoff victories over New York in the past six seasons.

There will be a coaching vacancy in the Big Apple come Monday — Bucs 27, Giants 21.

“There’s a dog, but I haven’t given him a name,” my nephew ran upstairs and retrieved the stuff animals. The dog was a beagle. He was flimsy, small and quite frankly, boring.

“He’s my favorite.”

I’m glad I kept that thought to myself.

Boring best describes how I feel about the San Diego Chargers (11-5) and the Tennessee Titans (10-6) game. The Chargers will win this one big, no doubt about it in my mind. San Diego, despite Norv Turner’s best efforts to undo a great team, has won six in a row and LaDainian Tomlinson has rushed for 679 yards and six touchdowns during that span. Chargers 34, Titans 13.

OUT AT HOME: I was seriously considering buying myself Guitar Hero III for Christmas. But then I remembered I’m 38 years old and maybe the game wasn’t age-appropriate? It would be like me wearing pooka shells.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Speaking of video games, here’s the next generation. Now if this was available, I would buy it. http://revoeyes.blogspot.com/2007/12/wii-virtual-reality-is-real-amazing.html

The 12th Man on the Field

2007-12-21T13:11:00.000-05:00

The unofficial count was 10 dropped passes by the New York Giants last Sunday when they lost to the Washington Redskins. Some blamed it on wind gusts. Others said it was because of frigid conditions. And still others pointed to the playoff pressure of the game.

The Giants dropped screens, hooks and go passes. Amani Toomer was wide open down the sidelines, and New York’s all-time leading receiver had the ball bounce off his hands. Nobody was within five yards of him.

As I watched this happen, muffed pass after muffed pass, I wondered …
I rank the Redskins' 22-10 victory over the Giants as one of the best ever. It’s been a difficult season to watch and follow. There was so much hope at the beginning and so many close defeats in the middle. Washington (7-7) lost five games after holding the lead at halftime. A sixth defeat came when the Redskins threw two late interceptions deep in Tampa Bay territory in a 19-13 loss.

It has indeed been a nightmare season on the field, and coupled with the murder of star free safety Sean Taylor, many Redskins fans have wished for the end to come soon. That sentiment continued last Sunday night when second-year linebacker Rocky McIntosh fell in the first quarter. The weakside linebacker will be out for up to a year after he tore the ACL and MCL in his left knee. He was developing at a stellar pace, and it’s questionable if he’ll ever regain his explosiveness.

So with three young defensive playmakers out due to devastating circumstances, and a quarterback who hadn’t started a game since 1997, there was no way Washington could win at the Meadowlands, especially with New York knowing that a victory would secure it a playoff berth. The Giants had outscored the Redskins 55-3 at home the past two seasons.

But then New York players started to drop passes. And Brandon Jacobs, their 265-pound running back, was being tackled by smaller guys. And Giants quarterback Eli Manning was jumpy in the pocket and threw some passes early despite little pressure.

What was happening?

Could it be?

To me, there was a force greater than the wind and cold, and greater than the circumstances of the situation that was pushing the Redskins along to victory.

I don’t claim to be overly spiritual, but I do believe. I have faith. I know there is existence. If I look to the sky, put my hands together and ask for guidance, I know I’m heard.

That’s why it’s not impossible for me to fathom that a presence, with work left undone, was there to lend a hand to his teammates on the cold winter night.

I don’t want the season to end anymore. It may this Sunday night in Minnesota. But I have this feeling, the Vikings might drop a few easy passes and their pro bowl rookie Adrian Peterson might find it hard to break tackles or juke defenders.

I have a feeling it’s not over yet because there’s still work left undone.

OUT AT HOME: Have you ever seen a baby squirrel? Or even a teenaged squirrel?

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: The Redskins need to bring this attitude to the game Sunday night against Minnesota.

Notice how Frampton (No. 39) is talking back. See what happens to Frampton later. Man, he was a badass!

—Gage Harter

Skating Into Richmond, for Cancer’s Sake

2007-12-19T17:02:00.000-05:00

The annual Women & Wellness Forum Series to benefit breast-cancer research is slated for Feb. 5 at the Jefferson Hotel. This year’s keynote speaker is Mary Lou Retton, Olympic gold medalist, fitness ambassador, author and actress. Retton will speak at both the breakfast, which will start promptly at 8 a.m., and the luncheon, which begins with a reception at noon. Last year, Richmond native Sara James, a Dateline NBC correspondent, spoke at the event.

Invitations to the 2008 Women & Wellness breakfast and luncheon will be mailed on Jan. 3, 2008. Reservations will not be taken until after this date, and no telephone reservations will be accepted. If you would like to be placed on the 2008 Women & Wellness invitation list, please e-mail TeamMassey@vcu.edu with your full name and mailing address.

French Schmench. Try Israeli Wine.

2007-12-17T10:43:00.000-05:00

Can the wineries of Israel hold their own against vintners from well-known wine-producing regions such as California, France and Italy? Judge for yourself at Jewish Family Services’ Israeli Wine Festival on Jan. 19 from 6 to 9 p.m. at the Troutman Sanders Building (1001 Haxall Point).

The event will feature red, white and dessert wines from top wineries in Israel, along with food by Richmond chefs from Anything Goes Catering, BlackFinn Restaurant & Saloon, Old Original Bookbinder’s, Carena’s Jamaican Grille, Jay Frank, The Melting Pot, Three Monkey’s, and Rostov’s Coffee & Tea. Plus, guests will enjoy a silent auction of travel, jewelry and more.

Tickets are $75 in advance and $100 at the door. Proceeds benefit Jewish Family Services, a nonprofit agency that offers programs such as counseling, home health care and adoption. For more information, call 282-5644 or visit www.jfsrichmond.org.

The Mitchell Report: The Cleanup Hitter

2007-12-13T16:52:00.000-05:00

Now we know that Roger Clemens (Page 167) is a cheater. And so is his buddy Andy Pettitte (Page 175). And former American League MVP Miguel Tejada (Page 201). And former National League Cy Young winner Eric Gagne (Page 216). Even Halle Berry’s former husband, David Justice (Page 181), deceived us.

These players and many others were named Thursday in the Mitchell Report, which alleges their use of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.

George Mitchell, former U.S. Senate Minority Leader, told the world during a press conference that, “for more than a decade there has been widespread anabolic steroid use.” Mitchell was hired by Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, and the report concluded a 20-month investigation.

Even though Mitchell wrote in the 409-page report that “former commissioner Fay Vincent told me that the problem of performance-enhancing substances may be the most serious challenge that baseball has faced since the 1919 Black Sox scandal,” the 74-year-old director of the Boston Red Sox also wrote against disciplining players named in the report.

“Except in those cases where [Selig] determines that the conduct is so serious that discipline is necessary to maintain the integrity of the game. I make this recommendation fully aware that there are valid arguments both for and against it,” Mitchell wrote.

Personally, I’d like to see none of the named players be allowed to play the game again. However, that’s not how our system works. They will play and earn their millions.

But they will be treated like pariahs, a la Mark McGwire, when judgment day comes. The end of a storied career should be a time of great reflection and a reward for the hard work and dedication they put toward their craft. However, for many, that day when they retreat away from the game will be the moment when they realize the damage they have done to America’s pastime.

It is my hope that when Roger Clemens is up for induction, for the greatest honor available to an athlete, immortality and enshrinement, his name will not be called. The Baseball Hall of Fame will not want him despite his statistics.

To my knowledge, the Hall of Fame is 100 percent clean. The players celebrated there now cast no suspicions of cheating and no doubts of their accomplishments. There are no asterisks.

Bonds and now Clemens hail from the Steroids Era, but that’s no excuse. Alex Rodriguez, Ken Griffey, Craig Biggio, Randy Johnson, Greg Maddux, John Smoltz and Tom Glavine to name a few, also come from the same period, and they will enter the Hall of Fame with no illegal prick marks on their bodies.

Keep the Baseball Hall of Fame clean.

I believe the next generation of players — Prince Fielder, David Wright, Fausto Carmona, Felix Hernandez, Jose Reyes, Scott Kazmir, Grady Sizemore, Cole Hamels, Matt Holliday, Curtis Granderson, Alex Rios, Ryan Zimmerman, Troy Tulowitzki, Miguel Cabrera, Ryan Braun, Justin Verlander, Bobby Jenks, Nick Markakis, Adrian Gonzalez, C.C. Sabathia, Scott Shields, Brandon Webb, Josh Beckett, Chris Young, B.J. Upton, Danny Haren, etc. — will make us forget all the cheaters.

OUT AT HOME: Want something fun and cheap to do with your kid(s)? Go to Stony Point Mall just before 7 p.m. any night and tell your kid(s) to stick out their tongue. Something magical will happen.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Would I ever do this? HELL, NO!

Will You Go See R. Kelly?

2007-12-11T19:28:00.000-05:00

When he sang “I Believe I Can Fly,” I thought it was a little cheeseball, but when R. Kelly came out with his “Trapped in the Closet” series, I lost all respect. Come on, folks, that’s not music. And it certainly doesn’t warrant a Grammy nomination?

And we can’t forget R. Kelly’s legal troubles, which my fave comedian Dave Chappelle doesn’t shy away from.

But he really ticked me off when he dragged Usher down with him with this song.

So needless to say, when R. Kelly comes to the Richmond Coliseum on Jan. 11, I won’t be in attendance — will you?

Vigil This Sunday

2007-12-07T16:28:00.001-05:00

This Sunday, Dec. 9, at the Fairfax Building (10710 Midlothian Turnpike) there will be a candlelight vigil for Kyle Fleischmann. The vigil is part of a national effort to bring attention to the disappearance of Fleischmann, a 24-year-old who went missing from his hometown of Charlotte, N.C., on Nov. 9. The vigil starts at 4:30 p.m. For more information, visit www.helpfindkyle.com.

Caught in the Web

2007-12-06T14:47:00.002-05:00

Remember the swell of pride and support Richmonders threw behind Elliott Yamin in his bid to win American Idol?

Well, here we are again. The national spotlight shines on the University of Richmond Spiders tomorrow in their quest for a national football championship. It’s great when the whole city can get behind something, and this is the ticket.

The Spiders (11-2) play two-time defending champion Appalachian State (11-2) at 8 p.m. in Boone, N.C. The game will be televised on ESPN2 with the winner advancing to the NCAA Division I-AA title game on Dec. 14 in Chattanooga, Tenn. Delaware and Southern Illinois play in the other semifinal.

If you remember, Appalachian State stunned the college football world with a Labor Day weekend beating of the University of Michigan in the Big House. Some have called the victory the greatest upset in college football history.

The Mountaineers are 37-6 over the past three seasons and have won 34 of 35 home games. They are led by sophomore quarterback Armanti Edwards and running back Kevin Richardson.

The Spiders have won eight games in a row and defeated Wofford, 21-10, last weekend in Spartanburg, S.C. Star running back Tim Hightower scored two touchdowns and Michael Ireland recorded an interception and recovered a fumble. Quarterback Eric Ward finished 20 of 30 for 181 yards and a touchdown.

“We thought we played an excellent football team tonight,” said coach Dave Clawson after the game. “Appalachian will be a good challenge for us. They are good and we know it is a tough place to play. (But) you could tell us we were going to Russia right now and we would be thrilled.”

I graduated from Virginia Commonwealth University and hate everything UR. I hate their pretty little campus. I hate how their fans would chant “SAT” to VCU players back in the day at the Robins Center. I hate how their students sat on plush lawns while we chafed our butts on concrete. I hate how their basketball team has beaten powerhouses in the NCAA Tournament, including wins against No. 2 seed Syracuse in 1991 and defending national champion Indiana in 1988.

But all that gets put aside tomorrow as this gutsy team represents our city in one of the most significant sporting events in Richmond’s history. I know Virginia Union has won several basketball national championships, but this is football, America’s game.

The Spiders are a balanced team. They score 34.9 points per game, third best in the Colonial Athletic Association. They are second best in the CAA in scoring defense (21.5 per game) and sacks (37). This team likes to be methodical on offense and attack opponents on defense.

The team in some ways reflects our fair city’s fiercest traits. We have a conservative, measured approach to things. Before making big changes, we like to make sure everything is in place and go about it in a systematic pace. But if people threaten us, our defense is to gouge out their eyes (I’m thinking politicians and NASCAR drivers here).

And for you VCU grads who think I’ve turned John Walker Lindh, consider this. Richmond will never beat us in football. And at our current pace, they won’t ever beat us again in basketball either.

OUT AT HOME: I told my wife recently that “real men” have big HD televisions. She thought about it and agreed. What a great wife. So I went and got a Best Buy credit card. I have been shopping around and this is the one I want. But that’s out of my price range. So this is the one I’m going to get. What a beauty!

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This referee paid homage to one of the greatest rulings ever. All hail Ben Dreith!

Want Some Dinner With That Wine?

2007-12-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

On Dec. 6, La Petite France is hosting its first wine dinner under new ownership (Karol and Tamara Gajda took over in April). The Feast of St. Nicolas, which begins at 7 p.m., will feature six courses of traditional winter French cuisine paired with regional French wines (see below). The meal is $75 per person, excluding tax and tip. For reservations, call 353-8729 or visit www.lapetitefrance.net.

Aperitif
Mulled wine

First Course
Pâte du foie gras “en croûte”
Champagne Aspic Nicolas Sauterne

Second Course
Gratin of winter cardoons scented with lavender
Château Magence Graves, 2004

Third Course
Filet of Pacific halibut, saffron crème and mussels
Roux Tere and Fils White Burgandy, 2005

Fourth Course
Roast duck with chestnuts, walnut-crusted figs and Armagnac
Domaine La Guintrandy Côtes du Rhône, 2005

Fifth Course
Trails End Farm mixed greens, candied walnuts, peppermint oil and balsamic syrup
“Hugel” Gentil, 2005

Sixth Course
Bûche de Nöel
Coffee, tea

A Fan’s Lament

2007-11-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

The football bounced free on the field. Fumble. Out of nowhere, Sean Taylor raced into the television screen and scooped up the ball. He ran 39 yards down the sidelines and launched himself into the end zone with his arms extended and his body parallel to the ground.

He was Superman.

Superman.

Superman.

He was murdered early this morning. Assassinated. Taken away from all of us because someone decided Taylor must die. And so it happened.

Regardless of his past, of the gangster elements in his life, of how he was probably fated for such an ending, Taylor’s death has left many of us sick and sobbing.

We miss him already.

We loved him dearly.

We don’t know him as a person. Others have said how much he adored his little daughter, how he was very smart and how people followed him because he was genuine. Taylor was just 24.

We only knew him as a player. His nickname was “Meast” for half man, half beast. No. 21 was someone who could knock the wind out of you with a stare. He was the Washington Redskins best player. A bully. Our bully. The guy we wanted beside us when the talking is done and there’s no other recourse.

They called him “Grim Reaper” because he put fear into opposing receivers crossing the middle. “Did you get the license plate of that man?” was a favorite saying of analyst Sonny Jurgensen when Taylor leveled another opponent.

Terrell Owens was scared of him. Randy Moss would run out of bounds. Countless others, professionals, men who if they walked into the room would make other men look to the ground, these guys bowed to Mr. Taylor.

He was a beautiful player—6-foot-2 and 220 pounds of raw athlete. He covered ground like no other player, had a knack of being around the ball and making a key play. Remember the playoff game in Tampa Bay two seasons ago?

Taylor was just beginning to reach his potential and it was wonderful to watch. The Redskins drafted LaRon Landry to free Taylor to roam the field and go after the ball, or anyone who entered his territory. He responded with a conference-leading five interceptions.

No. 30 Landry and No. 21 Taylor were known as Area 51. It was a pairing that should have lasted 10 years.

They say sports are insignificant when tragedy like this one happens. Life, or death, is bigger than the game. They say it feels wrong to think about how Taylor’s death will impact the team. But it’s OK. Football is our connection to Sean Taylor. It’s how we know him. How we grew to love him and root for him to overcome his troubles.

We spent almost every fall and winter Sunday for the past four years with him. He gave us so much joy. He hurt like we did after each defeat. That’s why his death feels so wrong.

We wonder when he flew through the air during the waning minutes of the Philadelphia Eagles game on New Year’s Day 2006, was there a silence? A stillness? A serenity that overcame him? Because at that very moment, he joined thousands of hearts and breaths. We were all one. And that kind of unity should bring a peaceful feeling.

We only can hope his death, which has brought many of us together again, can bring him the same free, soaring feeling he experienced in that brief moment as Superman.

Ernie McCracken and Bob Barker on the Same List?

2007-11-16T16:54:00.000-05:00

I hope you’re having a great week.

I recently saw that TV Land and Entertainment Weekly compiled a list of the 50 greatest TV icons. The show airs tonight at 8. If you can’t wait and want to know who is the top choice, click here.

I will say only one sports-related person made the list. Howard Cosell, the voice for Monday Night Football and championship boxing events, placed No. 28 between John Ritter and Regis Philbin.

The list got me thinking about the greatest movie sports icons of all time. So in honor of fictional characters Homer Simpson, Lassie and Kermit the Frog, who all made the leap into film, here goes. And remember, this is not scientific nor is it as well researched as TV Land’s list. It’s just having some fun with two of my favorite things.

15. Ernie McCracken (Kingpin, 1996). Bill Murray at his best with the comb-over and the fist pump after each strike.

14. Morris Buttermaker (The Bad News Bears, 1976). Drunk and vulgar, the man was my hero. Can you remember the team’s sponsor?

13. Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump, 1994). How many times have you said, “Run Forrest, run?” Also, he is perhaps the only football hero turned ping-pong stud in the history of mankind. His run across the country featured a great Doobie Brothers song.

12. Jimmy Dugan (A League of Their Own, 1992). Back-to-back Tom Hanks? Why not? He did win two Oscars in a row. Apparently the crying line is still one of his favorites.

11. Bob Barker (Happy Gilmore, 1996). Who knew Barker had hands of stone? Body blow, right hook, eight jabs and a right cross put Happy into the water.

10. Wilbur “Shooter” Flatch (Hoosiers, 1986). “I know everything there is to know about the greatest game ever invented.” And “We’re gonna run the picket fence at ‘em!”

9. Herman Boone (Remember the Titans, 2000). Nobody plays a cop or coach like Denzel Washington. I’ve actually met the real Herman Boone. What an honor.

8. Annie Kinsella (Field of Dreams, 1989). Any woman who stands by her man’s weird visions and voice hauntings in the face of bankruptcy is the greatest wife ever. She believed in him.

7. Adrian Pennino (Rocky, 1976). The royal couple of sports films. I don’t think I cried more during a movie than I did the final scene of Rocky. Well, maybe when Barbara Hershey was dying Beaches.

6. Jake Taylor (Major League, 1989). We get to hear conversations between catcher and batter. Good stuff, especially, “How’s your wife and my kids?”

5. Roy McAvoy (Tin Cup, 1996). Never lay up. Always take dead aim and go for the green. “When was the last time you took a risk?”

4. Billy Hoyle (White Men Can’t Jump, 1992). He proved on the playground, it’s hard work making something this pretty look like a chump. I have the same problem.

3. Jerry McGuire (Jerry McGuire, 1996). A great year for sports movies. “Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?” said the man who shoplifted the pootie.

2. Crash Davis (Bull Durham, 1988). This is a guy I’m sure we all wish we could be. Plus, he can hit for power. “Quit trying to strike everyone out — strikeouts are boring, besides that, they’re fascist.”

1. Roy Hobbs (The Natural, 1984). A film I can watch over and over because there’s something glorious about a home run that wins the game. Roy Hobbs is an example of someone everyone admires. We all have known such a person who awes us with talent and humility. And somehow, no matter what happens in life, they overcome and we root for them because we like them.

OUT AT HOME: Nothing like a ferocious stomach virus to remind you that your mundane life is actually pretty good. Can’t wait to return to it.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This is a sport, right? They have uniforms, helmets and goggles.

Giving Thanks For A Cooking Break

2007-11-12T12:42:00.000-05:00

If the mere thought of cooking a big, involved Thanksgiving meal for your friends and family is making you crazy, why not let someone else do the work? Several restaurants in the Richmond area are open for Thanksgiving, giving you time to relax and mingle with your posse rather than bustling about the hot kitchen and burning the dang turkey.

Manakin Grill is one such place taking reservations for turkey day, and they’re doing it buffet style. The smorgasbord will include garlic mashed potatoes, green beans with garlic and shallots, herbed bread-crumb stuffing, turkey, honey and clove-glazed Virginia pitt ham and pumpkin pie. Call 784-0544 for reservations and more information.

Following last year’s success, Hidden Treasure in Jackson Ward is once again preparing full holiday meals for customer pick-up. Nearly 30 families bought full meals last season, but even more people stopped in for fixings and whatever else chef Norman Jordan had on hand. “We actually sold everything that was prepared in the entire restaurant,” Jordan says. No leftovers for him! Call 225-9048 at least a week in advance to order your Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s meal.

Bistro 104, The Glen Restaurant and Sam Miller’s are among the other dozen or so restaurants that pledge to be open on Thanksgiving — guaranteeing you get your fill of tryptophan and all the fixings.

It’s Family Time for Andy Reid

2007-11-09T16:12:00.000-05:00

When my beloved Redskins play the Philadelphia Eagles in an important game this Sunday, it may be the last time Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb participate in the rivalry.

McNabb is likely out the door because of the Eagles’ investment in rookie quarterback Kevin Kolb, who was drafted in the second round. Also, shamefully, it seems the fans and local media have turned against the signal caller who has led the franchise to four NFC championship games.

Reid was an unknown head coach when he made McNabb his first draft choice in 1999. The decision was met with boos as fans believed that their team should have picked Texas running back Ricky Williams, who is currently suspended from the league because of numerous failed drug tests.

Reid now faces a rabid Philly sports community calling for his immediate exit, not for the team’s 3-5 record, but more because of the recent prison time imposed on his two sons for DUI and gun convictions.

The 24-year-old Garrett Reid and his 22-year-old brother, Britt, were sentenced Nov. 1 to up to 23 months. The brothers admitted in court that they are addicted to drugs.

County Judge Steven O’Neill described the Reid house as a “drug emporium” during the sentencing hearings. The judge also called the Reids a “family in crisis” and questioned whether the sons should be returned to Andy and Tammy Reid’s home after serving the jail time.

All of this has given experts and sports radio callers a forum to unleash some outrageous solutions — some of which, I have to admit, angers me as a parent and as a sports fan.

Here are a couple suggestions I’ve heard:

There’s a double standard in the NFL because the league is not taking action against Andy Reid but suspended Michael Vick indefinitely.

So what we’re comparing here is…

Vick who admitted to setting up a dogfighting ring where gambling and other illegal activity such as gun or drug dealing allegedly took place versus …

Reid who perhaps enabled his sons’ drug habits and bad behavior by spending more time with other 20-somethings as a football coach rather than being with his family as a father.

How people can make one jump to the other is beyond me. Reid may be a bad parent, but he did not break any laws. He is not a criminal, despite what the judge charges.

The NFL and/or Eagles ownership should do something to help Reid.

Actually, NBC’s Keith Olbermann offered this brilliant idea during the pregame show last Sunday night.

Olbermann theorized that since the NFL preaches “with justifiable pride about its symbolic family” that commissioner Roger Goodell or team owner Jeffrey Lurie should intervene because they “may be the only individuals with the power to steer the lives of as many as seven people back out of this nightmarish skid. Because this time it’s no metaphor: Those seven people literally are the NFL family.” http://video.nbcsports.com/player/?id=178868

Of course, Olbermann does not suggest what the NFL or the Eagles owner can do. Give the family money? Offer the Reids counseling? Maybe plan an intervention like that show.

Truth is there’s really nothing the league or others can do except provide encouragement and offer support if the Reids ever ask for it.

Reid has deflected questions about his imminent departure saying he’s going nowhere. But that probably will change in the offseason. There’s no doubt this is a family in crisis and the best solution is for the talented coach to spend the time at home instead of 18 hours a day at the office. Just maybe, when his sons are released early for good behavior, the family can start the healing process and two young lives can be saved.

Only then, if the mending happens, the NFL and team owners can help the Reids by welcoming Big Andy back with another head coaching job.

OUT AT HOME: I turn 38 next week. I look forward to a couple dozen grilled cherrystone clams with ginger flavored Vietnamese fish sauce. Enough said.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This kid thinks he’s good at video games. He’s not so hot. I can beat him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDdErzFwrRY

I Want Candy

2007-10-30T13:44:00.000-04:00

Indulge me for a few minutes like you would a party-sized Twix. Bite into the milk chocolate over smooth caramel and that light cookie crunch. Yum!

Tomorrow is Halloween. The chilly air and premature darkness remind me of my childhood days, dressed up as a frogman complete with a skin-tight wetsuit, flippers and goggles. I’d run around the neighborhood carrying a pillowcase full of candy. The mother lode!

Ah, the candy.

I’m proud to say I grew up in the 1980s. If you remember back then, it was still okay to give out candy apples and candy cigarettes. In fact, I used to pack the cigarettes and put one behind my ear for later.

What was not okay was to hand over a Clark Bar or a 5th Avenue. We knew the neighborhood houses that sucked! But there was always some clown at school who loved a Whatchamacallit and would trade a Nestle Chunky for one.

Candy was the whole reason for Halloween. The costumes, in my mind, were the lure for the candy. It’s like a seal performing tricks to get that fish. OK, I’ll be a pirate to get a fun-sized Heath Bar. I’ll even grunt out a “Shiver me Timbers” if you dole over that Blow Pop.

I took some time to jot down the candies I remember from back in the day. I separated the good from the bad, similar to what I did as a kid when I got back from trick or treating.

THE GOOD
Almond Joy — The No. 1 candy bar on my list. These were treasured and immediately put in the freezer with a “DO NOT TOUCH” sign. Nothing like eating the coconut first and saving the nut for last.

Kit Kat — A solid candy bar. Great for a rerun episode of Happy Days just before dinner. A Kit Kat is a candy bar made for the routines of every day.

Pixie Stix — Usually given two or three at once. These paper straw-shaped containers carried multi-flavored magical dust that tingled the tongue. A real BOY could chug a Pixie Stix with no tonsil sting. One of these days I’m gonna try a Cap’n Crunch and Pixie Stix sandwich!

Rolo — What’s not to like? Chocolate with caramel centers and plenty in a pack. I never loved anyone enough to give her my last Rolo.

Smarties — Not the British attempt to duplicate our classic M&Ms. But the tablet-sized pills that are full of fruit flavors. I can’t tell you how many times my jeans were washed with a packet of Smarties in the front pocket.

Honorable mentions — Spree, Bit-O-Honey, Pop Rocks, M&M Peanut, Nestle Crunch, Big Red and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

THE BAD
Tootsie Roll — Did nothing for me except stick to my teeth. If I wanted something cocoa-flavored, I’d drink Ovaltine. They are small and annoying.

Mike and Ike — A wanna-be glorified jelly bean that is another stick-to-the-teeth irritant. Mike and Ike is just more available. I mean, how many movie theaters sell jelly beans?

Runts — Just because it looks like a banana doesn’t excuse the makers from not giving it a banana flavor. It tastes like a bruised squash. Egads! The other shapes aren’t even proportional. A cherry bigger than an orange? A lime that looks like a pea? Runts are no Nerds, that’s for sure.

PayDay — Way too many peanuts. In the same class as a Zero bar.

Jolly Ranchers — Gee, thanks. One whole Jolly Rancher from a bag of 500! There’s nothing wrong with Jolly Ranchers, in fact, they have quite a flavor burst. But people who give them out tend to be stingy especially with the watermelons!

Shameful mentions — Zagnut, $100,000 Bar, Now & Later, Starburst, Mr. Goodbar (I always have a scary image of Diane Keaton in a tub) and O’Henry.

Here a question that popped up in my mind as I was writing this. Does bubble gum exist anymore? It used to be that adults munched on chewing gum and us kids devoured the bubble gum. And you were loyal to a brand — Bubblicious, Bubble Yum, Dubble Bubble or Hubba Bubba. Other bubble gum like Bazooka or Super Bubble were second-tier and not considered in the debate.

I always chewed the Bubble Yum grape, not just for the flavor, but for the non-stick action of the gum after the bubble burst. Manb was I cool after blowing a face-sized bubble and then taking the stem part out of my mouth and holding my accomplishment up like I was going to fly away. Good times.

OUT AT HOME: If a little girl dressed in a pink cat outfit comes to your door and says, “Meow, trick or treat,” be kind. It’s my daughter’s first real experience. So please, no Tootsie Rolls or banana-shaped Runts.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I just can’t stop picking on Boston fans. Sorry.

Boston is the Dave Stoller of Sports

2007-10-26T15:50:00.000-04:00

It used to be that Boston sports fans were some of the biggest losers in sports. They were Dude Lebowski, Shelley Levene and the Matthew McConaughey character in Dazed and Confused. They were Louis Tully, Jerry Lundegaard and Gary in The Last American Virgin.

Sure the Boston Celtics and the Boston Bruins experienced some good times. But they weren’t enough to offset the heartaches of the Red Sox and the Patriots. Even Boston College left area fans feeling like this guy.

However, all that has changed recently. The Patriots have won three of the last six Super Bowls. The Red Sox are looking for its second World Series victory since 2004 after waiting 86 years for a title.

And then there was what happened last night.

I’m no Virginia Tech fan. But I do have state pride and was rooting for the Hokies to take down the No. 2 ranked Boston College Eagles. What transpired made me sick to my stomach as BC rallied for two touchdowns in the final minutes to win, 14-10. I can’t imagine how Tech fans must have felt. Lane Stadium became the saddest place in America.

Are you like me? Are you ready to see Boston teams and their fans knocked down a notch or two? Not that they’re bad people. I’m sure the majority of them are amazingly graceful and appreciative. But it’s like watching a neighbor say thank you after winning the lottery for the third time. Enough is enough.

So this Sunday, the Redskins have a chance to restore some balance in the sports world. And from conversations with fans of my beloved team, there is some belief Washington has a chance.

I’ve heard talk about the Redskins highly regarded defensive and in particular the secondary. Hit them. Lay the lumber. Make Randy Moss, Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth think twice about extending the arms.

Indeed, the skins are physical enough downfield to intimidate. Sean Taylor is brutal and craves challenges against the best receivers. BOO! He’s scared many good NFL receivers in the past. Remember this play? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls794MhIkU4

Although it was former Redskins Ryan Clark who was charging at Todd Pinkston, it was Taylor’s (No. 36) reputation and hits earlier in the game that caused the receiver to pull up. There are quite a few examples similar to this that demonstrates Taylor’s ability to alter a receiver’s focus.

I do believe that if the linebackers and defensive backs keep everything in front of them, limit the yards after the catch and deliver punishment at the same time, there’s a chance to contain New England even without a push from the front four. But if the Redskins are able to pressure Brady, then absolutely, I believe keeping the Patriots to no more than three touchdowns is very possible.

It’s no secret that Washington defensive coordinator Gregg Williams has a huge ego. Sometimes it’s to the team’s detriment. But I think his ego will be a benefit against the Patriots. Williams will take this game as a challenge to his genius. He will devise a terrific game plan. But will his personnel be able to execute it?

Who knows? If I did, I would definitely wager dinner against a Patriots fan. Speaking of which, why is the point spread 17? That’s a disgrace and extremely disrespectful. New England was the favorite by the same margin last week against the winless Dolphins.

The Redskins point spread opened up at 16 and actually moved up. So that means there’s no faith around the country that the home team can maintain pace with the Patriots.

My head tells me that Washington needs four turnovers with one for a score, four sacks, 150 rushing yards and solid game management by Campbell to have a chance at victory. I don’t see all of those happening. Pats 28, Redskins 10.

My heart tells me that Brady and Moss bleed like we all do and Taylor, Landry, McIntosh, Fletcher and Marcus Washington are blood-thirsty. Skins pound the Pats like a Bobo Doll Experiment. Washington 35, New England 31.

And just so you know. I always follow my heart.

Finally, if you need another reason to root for the Colorado Rockies, despite their 0-2 deficit, here’s a good one. The Rockies have voted to give a full playoff share to the wife and family of Mike Coolbaugh, the minor-league coach killed in July by a line drive while coaching first base for the franchise’s double-A affiliate Tulsa Drillers. His wife, Mandy, was six months pregnant when her husband died at age 35. The couple also have two young sons.

The World Series winning share last year was $362,173.

OUT AT HOME: For Halloween, I want to be this like this Bruce.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Time to get fired up for some Richmond Renegades hockey. The home opener is tomorrow night at 7:35 at Richmond Coliseum.

The New England Perfects

2007-10-19T15:27:00.000-04:00

It might be an urban legend that every season when the last undefeated NFL team loses, members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins gather to pop a champagne cork on a vintage from that year.

The reason being is that the 1972 Dolphins are the only team to go through a grueling NFL season without a loss. They defeated the Washington Redskins, 14-7, to cap off a 17-0 season.

The coach of that team, Don Shula, denies such celebration exists.

Whatever the case, it’s highly likely that each surviving member of that team gives a fist pump or curves a little smile when the final undefeated team loses.

The record is now 34 seasons old and with the salary cap, revenue sharing, free agency and a 16-game schedule, more perfection does seem remote.

That will all change this year because the New England Patriots are the most perfect team I’ve seen since the 1991 Washington Redskins. That’s right, New England will finish the season undefeated.

The Patriots are 6-0 and average 38.3 points while yielding just 15.3 points. They are winning games by an average of 23 points. That’s domination in a league that rarely has teams separated by more than a touchdown.

The NFL’s other undefeated team, the Indianapolis Colts, has an impressive winning margin of 15.2 points. But that’s still a full touchdown behind the Patriots.

New England leads the league in total offense, passing, first downs, time of possession and turnover ratio—all key factors to winning in the modern game.

It all starts with Tom Brady, simply the greatest quarterback I’ve ever seen. And that list includes Montana, Elway, Favre, Marino, Fouts, Aikman, Manning and others. At age 30, Brady is showing what he can do with a competent corps of receivers. He is the first player in history to pass for at least three touchdowns in the first six games of the season.

Brady had five last week against the Dallas Cowboys. On the road and against a highly regarded defense, the Patriots quarterback picked apart a youthful and speedy secondary. He had a sixth touchdown called back and overthrew his new favorite target, Randy Moss, a couple of times that could have led to scores.

Brady is connecting on 72.5 percent of his passes with 21 touchdowns and 2 interceptions. At this pace, he will shatter Manning’s record of 49 passing TDs set in 2004.

It’s scary how the Patriots got Moss for a fourth round draft choice. What was the rest of the league thinking? What were my Redskins thinking? When properly motivated, Moss is the best in the business. His size, speed and hands create matchup problems and he’s proven he still can run and get it. Moss has always been a touchdown maker, and with eight this year, he’s on pace to best his personal record of 17.

Other receivers like Wes Welker, Donte Stallworth and tight end Ben Watson allow the Patriots to spread the field and make defenses chase rather than attack. The offensive line is solid and gives Brady just enough time.

Also, New England is doing this without their best running back, Lawrence Maroney, who has battled a groin and other injuries all season.

I don’t have time to talk about the defense, but just know there are stars on each level—Ty Warren, Adalius Thomas and Asante Samuel.

Looking at the Patriots schedule, the two games that threaten their date with history are at Indianapolis (Nov. 4) and home against Pittsburgh (Dec. 9). However, I’ve been very impressed with the New York Giants, and with that game being the season finale (Dec. 29), logic and past history dictates that it’s possible the Patriots might rest their starters for the playoffs.

But who knows with Bill Belichick. The controversial coach has not shown any mercy and actually has run up the score in each game this season.

• Week 1 at New York Jets (38-14): 1-yard TD by Heath Evans, 1:58 left.
• Week 2 vs. San Diego (38-14): 3-yard TD by Sammy Morris, 3:28 left.
• Week 3 vs. Buffalo (38-7): 45-yard TD catch by Randy Moss, 10:22 left.
• Week 4 at Cincinnati (34-17): 14-yard TD catch by Randy Moss, 3:18 left.
• Week 5 vs. Cleveland (34-17): 15-yard fumble return TD by Randall Gay, 0:42 left. (Note: This TD came one play after the Patriots failed to convert on a fourth-and-goal from the Browns 4)
• Week 6 at Dallas (48-27): 1-yard TD run by Kyle Eckel, 0:19 left.

This tells me that New England is not messing around. The Patriots just don’t want to beat teams, they want to destroy and humiliate them. I’m sure part of this has to do with SPYGATE.

So when the Patriots meet the winless Dolphins this weekend, it’s certain that many members of the 1972 undefeated team will be rooting hard for Ronnie Brown and the boys. But don’t bet on an upset.

And it’s going to be a little ironic, maybe even poetic, when this year’s Miami squad joins the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers as the only winless team in NFL history. The Dolphins will not be the favorite in any of their remaining games.

OUT AT HOME: Lawn mowing season is over! Woohoo!

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Inspiration for the folks at Richmond Magazine.

Keeping The Game Alive

2007-10-12T12:07:00.000-04:00

In the early morning of Feb. 8, 1996, Antonio Daniels heard a knock on his door. It was Bowling Green basketball coach Jim Larranaga and assistant Stan Heath.

The coaches entered with an ominous glazed look. Something was terribly wrong. They told Antonio that his mother would call him soon, but they wouldn’t tell him why.

The trio sat in silence for five minutes. Two knowing the truth. One swallowing hard and imagining the worse.

Then it came. The phone seemed to ring louder this time.

Antonio’s mother told him that his older brother by a year, Chris, had died minutes earlier from a heart attack. Chris was just 21.

Larranaga stayed with Antonio for hours. They cried. They prayed. Player clung on to coach and asked why. There were no answers.

Chris was a 6-10, 238-pound fifth-year senior who played center for the University of Dayton. He had earned a degree in communication management and was pursuing a second in sociology.

According to published reports, Chris experienced convulsions at his off-campus home at 4 a.m. He was admitted to the hospital an hour later in full cardiac arrest and efforts to resuscitate him failed.

He was pronounced dead at 5:31 a.m. Antonio received the call from him mother around 6 a.m.

Chris had developed into one of the better big men in the nation. He averaged 12.9 points and 6 rebounds. He was second in the nation in field-goal percentage, hitting 67.9 percent of his shots.

“It changed my attitude toward the way I think about life and the game of basketball,” Antonio says on his Web site. “It makes you cherish the time that you have here and cherish those you have here also. Once you get attached to someone so much, and then something like that happens, it’s just like a big piece has been torn from your heart.”

Two days later, Antonio decided to play against nationally ranked Eastern Michigan. It was a day that the brothers had circled on the calendar.

“I know that if my brother hadn’t been planning to come to that game I probably wouldn’t have played,” Antonio writes on his Web site.

Bowling Green fans will never forget the outcome. Antonio, a point guard, hit an off-balanced layup with four seconds left to give the Falcons a 72-70 victory.

Much of what Antonio Daniels does today is a tribute to his brother. He developed his game and was drafted into the NBA. He’s now a member of the Washington Wizards, which spent their training camp at Siegel Center on the Virginia Commonwealth University campus.

Antonio thought of his brother recently when teammate Etan Thomas underwent successful open heart surgery to repair a leak of the aortic valve. The irregularity was discovered during a routine physical before the start of training camp. It’s likely Thomas will never play in the NBA again.

Antonio wondered aloud to the Associated Press whether the stress test, which involves a heart check after running on a treadmill, could have saved Chris’ life. Other Wizards added that Thomas’ condition shows the necessity of having regular checkups.

The University of Dayton basketball team still honors Chris by giving a Most Improved Player Award in his name after each season. Larranaga moved on to George Mason and led the Patriots to the Final Four in 2006. Antonio enters his 11th season with career averages of 7.9 points and 3.3 assists. He wears No. 6 for the Wizards—his brother’s No. 33 added together.

OUT AT HOME: I know skinny jeans will be the death of me. My wife bought my daughter a pair and the two year old wore them last weekend. With high heels. With a tiara. With two Dora temporary tattoos. No joke. While my wife thought our daughter looked cute, I saw my life flash before me.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: You might remember this link from a previous post.

Of course you knew there would be imitations. And another.

Homes of the Braves

2007-10-05T14:43:00.000-04:00

It was a glorious day when the man came to our house and wired us to a box that seemed to control the world. It was called cable television and with dozens of niche channels at my fingertips, no longer would my family be subjected to the Movie of the Week.

Instead, we enjoyed First and 10 on HBO. Pro karate on ESPN. Duran Duran on MTV. Even Dr. Ruth on Lifetime.

And I didn’t have to turn off the television when “America the Beautiful” played on WRC or WTTG on a Friday night when staying up was so very cool. I could tune in to USA “Up all Night” or catch a Van Damme (The Muscles from Brussels) movie on Showtime.

To me, that was the golden age of television. When a Superstation was truly a Superstation—Leave It to Beaver reruns and all.

That’s why I was a little sad when I heard TBS had broadcasted its last national Atlanta Braves game this past Sunday. Baseball fans from Charlotte to Cheyenne to Carlsbad have been watching the team for three decades.

Back in 1977, Ted Turner, the team’s owner, had a novel idea of throwing his team out there, via satellite to cable systems and seeing if it would stick. The Braves did in many places. They became America’s Team.

I was never a fan. I rooted for the Baltimore Orioles.

However, on many a nights, while I did my homework, the Braves helped me calculate geometry equations and understand the role of the U-boat because they were the only game on TV.

The Braves teams of my generation were Dale Murphy, Bob Horner, Glenn “Mother” Hubbard, Gene Garber, Phil Neikro and who could forget Pascual Perez?

Skip Caray, Ernie Johnson Sr. and Pete Van Wieren brought us the games.

“Ernie, Skip and I were having dinner in San Francisco, and somebody sent a drink over,” Van Wieren said to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “We looked over and the person waved, but we had no idea who he was. He walked over and said he was a San Francisco resident who had started watching our games on cable and enjoyed them. We thought, ‘Wow, people really are watching these games!’”

Added Caray, “On the road, it got embarrassing in some ballparks because there would be more Braves fans than home team fans.”

The Braves broadcasts were so pervasive that during the 1990s, Major League Baseball in its negotiation with TBS, required the station to limits its telecasts to 90.

And it’s easy to argue that the Braves broadcasts helped sustain cable television during the early years. They proved that instead of a Major League Baseball Game of the Week, the sport could televise a national game daily and endure.

But the end became inevitable when ESPN, ESPN2 and Fox aired their own national games on a regular basis. Soon fans were able to purchase packages that allowed them to watch their favorite team on regional broadcasts.

The Braves became just another team in America.

I can’t remember the last time I watched a telecast. It’s been years. But I can remember Horner’s four-homer game and Murphy making it look so simple in the outfield. I might not miss the Braves, but I do miss the era they are connected to.

Here’s how Caray said goodbye to the viewers: “To all the people who have watched the Braves for these 30 year, thank you. We appreciate you more than you will ever know. When we first came on the air on TBS, which was then WTCG, the big TV shows were M*A*S*H, Dallas, Laverne & Shirley, Happy Days and Charlie’s Angels. We outlasted them all. The only one that beat us was 60 Minutes.

“We don’t want to get all maudlin here, but thank you folks and God bless you. And we’re going to miss you every bit as much as you miss us.”

OUT AT HOME: My daughter is celebrating her second birthday this weekend. Unlike her party last year, this one will have a theme. Dora the Explorer. Everything Dora. The cake, the napkins, my hairpiece. Even the piñata will be Dora. Oh yeah, speaking of which, piñatas are made with pullstrings now so kids don’t have to hit them. Too bad. It would have made the party more entertaining.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I think I’ll join a league. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_rslXAXE6Y

Don’t Miss It

2007-10-02T17:03:00.000-04:00

Local independent radio station WRIR 97.3 FM kicks off its on-air, weeklong fall pledge drive on Oct. 4. The next day, Metro Space Gallery (119 W. Broad St.) will host an exhibit of donated local art in conjunction with Curated Culture’s First Fridays, with a portion of each sale benefiting WRIR. Beginning at 6 p.m., the bands Marionette and Dark Little Rooms will perform. Across the street at Turnstyle, you’ll find DJs spinning music. For more information, call 622-9747 or visit www.wrir.org.

Support National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2007-10-01T10:57:00.000-04:00

In the October issue of Richmond magazine, which should be hitting mailboxes and newsstands this week, we included a calendar of breast cancer-related events in honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. But that was just a sampling. There are tons of other events planned, including a free Pink Mondays series of lectures and seminars at Henrico Doctors’ Hospital. Each Monday in October, the Forest campus’ Williamsburg Room will feature discussions on various topics, everything from breast-cancer screening and genetics (Oct. 8) to caregiving strategies and stories for the caregivers of a woman with breast cancer (Oct. 22). Call 242-5662 for more information or to register.

VCU Massey Cancer Center’s Massey Alliance is hosting its second annual Swinetangle at Rock Bottom Island (5995 River Road) on Oct. 20 from 2 to 6 p.m. Come for barbecue and live bluegrass by the Atkinsons. Tickets are $30 in advance for adults ($40 at the door), $6 in advance for ages 6 and older ($10 at the door) and free for children younger than 6. Proceeds benefit VCU Massey Cancer Center. For more information or to purchase tickets, call 827-2179 or visit www.richmond.com.

If you’re looking to take an active role in someone’s recovery from cancer, volunteer to drive a patient to treatment. Training opportunities for potential drivers are available through the American Cancer Society on Oct. 9 at the Chesterfield Police Department (2730 Hicks Road) from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. For more information or to register, call 527-3718.

Columnists Should Also Be Reporters

2007-09-28T12:43:00.000-04:00

Maybe you were in Africa this week and missed the latest coach-reporter spat. This one was a doozy.

Not only did it involve a 40-year-old coach of a major university, but also a female columnist, who rose quickly to her title without enough time on a beat.

First, you should watch the video of Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State coach, whose team defeated the Texas Tech Red Raiders last Saturday. Instead of discussing the victory, he chose to blast a column written by Jenni Carlson of the Oklahoman.

Now I won’t opine on who is right or wrong. I can’t. I’ve never been a coach of a Big 12 program in the heartland of America where football is king. I don’t understand or realize the pressures that go with such a job.

Also, for me to criticize a coach who acted on emotion, well, I would be a fraud. I’m cool most of the time, but when something hurts me deeply, I can’t contain myself. I’m capable of such an outburst.

However, I do believe with credibility, I can comment on the journalism side of this story. I have been a columnist as well as worked sports beats for metro dailies. I understand the differences between reporter and columnist and the demands of each.

Carlson’s piece, and Gundy’s biggest contention with it, is that it’s based on inaccuracies. Speculations. Hearsay. Second-hand information from colleagues, sources and dare I say message boards.

Carlson uses ambiguous phrases to disguise her lack of viable attributions.

“If you believe the rumors…”

“Tile up the back stories told on the sly…”

“Word is…”

“If you listen to the rumblings and rumors…”

This is the part I have most trouble with. I’ve met many sports columnists who join a fistfight late and since they hold the title, they feel they should deliver the knockout blow. Unfortunately, they do research by reading the beat reporter’s stories for the season. They scour the Internet. They call a booster. They use their intuition, which has gotten them by in similar situations in the past. They do everything but observe a practice, question the coach, talk to the subject of their column.

What’s worse, many columnists believe — and this is ego — they know exact what’s going on in a locker room or how players feel. There’s no need to do the reporting.

Don’t blame those columnists too much. The job is hard enough trying to produce insightful, inspiring and informative columns several times per week. But to also understand what a hot route is or how to attack a Tampa 2-deep defense, and then try to come in late and decipher a team’s mojo, that’s quite a challenge.

Plus, many columnist have never played the game, never understood the pressures to perform in front of a nationally televised audience. So how can columnists accurately portray what’s going on between coach and players behind closed doors?

The answer: Don’t try.

Not without the coach or player openly stating there’s a problem.

For Carlson to question this young man’s heart, desire and courage—the staples of a football player and some would say the very attributes of a man—by suggesting that he is weak because his mother fed him chicken, crosses the line.

Never mind that most college kids love having their mothers around to feed them.

Football is brutal. You don’t have to play the game to know that. It takes tremendous courage to strap on the helmet, tighten the cleats and go out and dominate your opponent.

There is not one cowardly football player, chicken hand-fed or not.

I understand, though, why Carlson chose to use the chicken analogy after being told about it by the beat reporter. Some columnists, who never played or don’t have a level of understanding of the game but try to be above it, the key is to mask weaknesses with witty, sarcastic and even humorous copy.

Sometimes in this attempt to bowl over the reader, columns become personal and hurtful.

Should columnists be allowed to do that without retaliation like the one Gundy gave?

If you believe what I’ve told you on the sly—then absolutely not.

OUT AT HOME: I think I’m a land person. It seems I’ve talked to quite a few people lately about their homes. I’ve noticed that they either boast about their house or simply say, “My rancher is cute, but I have a lot of land.”

VIDEOS OF THE WEEK: My heart is still broken.
I’ll drown my sorrows with this clip.

And a bonus: Check out Michael Conley’s mad skillz.

Steps to a Cure

2007-09-21T16:44:00.000-04:00

Kevin Everett, the Buffalo Bills player who was paralyzed after breaking his neck on the football field, will soon walk. That’s what doctors said as he was transferred from Buffalo to a Houston hospital today, less than two weeks after sustaining a life-threatening spinal cord injury.

“Soon… they’re going to stand him up,” Dr. Barth Green, president of The Miami Project to Cure Paralysis, told the Associated Press. “(Doctors are) very confident he’ll be walking very soon… in the next days or weeks, not months.”

Incredible news. Some would consider Everett’s progress a miracle.

But it’s not.

There were many steps taken before and after the tight end fell limp on the field. It started 22 years ago when Marc Buoniconti collapsed from making a tackle for The Citadel and was paralyzed for life.

His father, Nick Buoniconti, is an NFL Hall of Fame linebacker and a former HBO football show host. After his son’s injury, Nick Buoniconti joined a group to establish The Miami Project, now one of the world’s leading neurological research centers and located on the University of Miami campus.

Over the years, Nick and Marc put a face to spinal cord injuries and the Buoniconti Fund raised millions for The Miami Project, which today has an impressive list of researchers, clinicians and therapists whose purpose is to find a cure.

Christopher Reeve, the former actor, was treated at The Miami Project when he was paralyzed after being thrown from a horse in 1995. Reeve later also established a foundation to pursue a cure.

All the work, all the hopes, and unfortunately all the new cases of paralyzes (10,000-12,000 per year in the United States) culminated when Kevin Everett ran down the field full speed to open the second half against the Denver Broncos.

Marc Buoniconti checked his e-mail and relived his own tragedy as he read of Everett’s injury moments after it happened. Buoniconto said in a South Florida Sun-Sentinel article that he had a flashback to the time he couldn’t feel his body and thought: “Oh my God, I broke my neck. I’m paralyzed.”

When Marc snapped back to reality, he called Bills owner Ralph Wilson and asked how The Miami Project could help. Ironically, Wilson is one of the project’s biggest financial donors.

Green contacted the Buffalo doctors, who already knew of project’s work with hypothermia, or cooling of the body, as a way to treat spinal-cord trauma. Within 15 minutes of the injury, cold saline solution flowed through Everett’s body and lowered his temperature to 92 degrees. It reduced the swelling. Doctors likened it to putting an ice pack on a sprained ankle or knee.

Initially, the prognosis was not good. Everett’s injury was “catastrophic.” Doctors said full recovery was not likely. Then Tuesday (Sept. 11) came and Everett was taken off sedation and his limbs started to move.

Green would tell the Sun-Sentinel, “For us, it’s hard to describe. It’s basically everything Nick Buoniconti and Marc and I have dreamed about—actually getting people walking out of the hospital. It’s a surreal feeling.

“Added to the fact is Mr. Wilson being so important to us here and a University of Miami player is involved—more irony, considering we’re part of the University of Miami. It’s karma. It’s amazing. It’s all a bit mind-boggling.”

There’s one more bit of information that’s numbing. Green added that Everett’s injury to the C-3 and C-4 vertebrae was exactly the same as Marc Buoniconti’s.

“If this treatment was available 20 years ago, Marc would be walking right now,” Green said to the Sun-Sentinel.

This year, the NFL stopped funding a Miami Project grant that studied spinal cord and brain injuries. Perhaps Everett’s accident will bring the league back.

So if you have one dollar to give, one dollar to add to a collective lump that will improve the world, consider giving it to the Buoniconti Fund. You never know when karma will save your life.

OUT AT HOME: I’m going to the Redskins-Giants game Sunday with a relative who loves the New York team. So much, in fact, he went to a game at FedEx Field two years ago dressed as a blue Santa. He was booed and had beer thrown on him. Mothers and their children took turns giving him the bird.

Right on, Skins fans! Nobody wears a blue Santa suit in our house!

When my relative came back from that Christmas Eve game, he looked like Dan Aykroyd in “Trading Places” after he takes a big bite of a salmon he stole from the company party.

Anyway, I don’t think he’ll pull any stunts this year. He doesn’t drink anymore.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Elton John an Atlanta Braves fan? Who knew?

Viva Sports!

2007-09-14T15:41:00.000-04:00

Before we start this week’s blog, I need help getting this jingle out of my head. I don’t have much free time to think, and when I do, I like to dream about movie stardom, Redskins victories and how much I want to eat raw clams.

But I can’t anymore because this jingle occupies those moments now. This week, I’ll focus on a little show-and-tell and a little trivia. Let’s get started.

This link provides possible evidence on how the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick cheated. The NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell fined Belichick $500,000 and the team $250,000 Thursday night. The Patriots also will forfeit a 2008 first-round draft choice if they reach the playoffs or second- and third-round picks if they do not qualify for postseason play.

Honestly, I think the punishment is too light. Belichick was caught last year doing the same thing and warned not to do it again. So how does he respond? He cheats in the first game of the season.

I would have suspended the coach for four games and taken away all the team’s draft choices for next year. And I would have fined them. Apparently, Philadelphia Eagles players, who lost to New England in Super Bowl XXXIX, are questioning whether Belichick spied on them. It seems every time the Eagles defense blitzed, the Patriots responded with a screen pass or a quick hitter. Hmmmm.

This definitely taints Belichick’s legacy, and I believe it’s as damaging to the game as steroids.

I’m not sure what the next link says about our “alleged” national pastime. The Marlins-Nationals game Wednesday drew a crowd of 400 at Dolphin Stadium. That’s 74,600 empty seats if you’re keeping score. What the???

The stadium was so empty that a season ticker holder was thrown out for heckling the umpire too loudly. Again I say, “what the???”

The fan could be heard saying “you don’t make more than me” on the television broadcast before he was escorted away. According to the Washington Post, “The three-day series between Florida and Washington at Dolphin Stadium drew a total of perhaps 3,000 fans, though the announced attendance was reported to be more than 10,000 every day. Monday’s and Tuesday’s games, both at night, drew about 1,200 each.”

At least it would be easy to get the beer man’s attention.

The next link has a photo midway down that should come with a warning. It shows my nominee for worst broadcast team in the history of professional football. Mike (Greenberg), Mike (Golic) and Mike (Ditka) were the broadcasters for the late Monday Night Football game on ESPN pitting San Francisco against Arizona. Rating for the second game was down 19 percent from the previous year.

Greenberg and Golic are funny when they are talking about milking a cow or being tasered. They aren’t amusing when analyzing Frank Gore’s cutbacks or Alex Smith’s development or Matt Leinart’s noodle arm. Ditka had some entertaining moments on Saturday Night Live and the soccer movie with Will Ferrell.

Speaking of Ditka (here’s the warning part), what the??? is he doing in that photo? I thought I saw it live, but assured myself I was seeing things. Unfortunately, I was indeed correct. Wonderful!

OUT AT HOME: For crying out loud!!!

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Actually two videos. The first has a European flavor and is for a Richmond magazine employee. The second is fast becoming one of my favorite songs. The video is pretty cool too.

She Needs to Play the Lottery

2007-09-07T11:48:00.000-04:00

Could it be possible? Perhaps. I guess in a lifetime of golfing, if a person plays three or four times per week for 40 or 50 years, one could make 16 holes-in-one. But to do it in a span of nine months?

Hmmmm.

But that’s what Jacqueline Gagne of Rancho Mirage, Calif., claims to have done so far this year. And you thought the 84 you scored this summer at the local municipal course was impressive, consider that the odds of making 16 aces during that span is the same as being struck by lighting several billion times.

Shocking.

Apparently it’s all true. The lucky lady, who has played just four years, made her first ace on Jan. 23 and her 14th on May 25. The Palm Springs Desert Sun was called after the eighth hole-in-one and even though everyone in the sports department was skeptical, they decided to check it out.

Here’s what the Desert Sun sports editor wrote after the newspaper investigated.

Believe me, to say that we didn’t believe Jacqueline Gagne’s hole-in-one claims is an understatement. I believe the phrase “That crazy woman just e-mailed again with another hole-in-one” was uttered more than a couple times around the office.

But after golf writer Larry Bohannan talked to her and started to believe, so did we. Every one of her aces was witnessed and her character appears unassailable. We tried to poke holes in her story, and we couldn't. So in short, we believe in miracles.

Word of her amazing feat spread after the article was printed. Two of her next holes-in-ones reportedly came in the same round at a course where she does not normally play. Then a local television station crew joined Gagne on an outing to do a story.

Here’s what happened.

Apparently, the shot was not technically an ace, since she was hitting three after a penalty. But still. The video does not clearly show the ball falling into the cup, but based on everyone’s reaction, there’s no way Gagne could have pulled a fast one.

Gagne also made an appearance on the Early Show with Harry Smith and golf teaching pro Peter Kostis. The pro seemed impressed with Gagne’s swing and admits he’s a believer. She also appears to have a better swing than Harry Smith.

There’s also an interesting 10-minute interview on YouTube that drew the scorn of many visitors who commented on the feat.

Life has definitely changed for the 46 year old—for the good and bad. She launched a Web site, hired a public relations firm and signed two significant endorsement deals.

A quick check of her Web site reveals some really bad PR. The press release about her 16th ace opens with a paragraph that likens Gagne with the Almighty. Scary.

For 46-year-old gifted golfer Jacqueline Gagne, rarity has become routine. By her own hand (and some say by the hand of God himself), she has managed to recreate the miraculous time and time again. After her astounding sixteen hole-in-ones (all since January, 2007), she has now become something of a Par Three Prophetess!

With this kind of proclamation, it’s no wonder some have ridiculed her and she finds herself defending the feat almost daily. She explains in a midsummer article by the Desert Sun.

As for me? I’m a believer. I just don’t see how a person can pull off such a scam. Gagne would need dozens of witnesses and then get lucky and make a hole-in-one while the cameras are rolling.

You can check out some of her holes-in-one at the United States Golf Register. Just search her name.

OUT AT HOME: My wife likes to play a little game with my daughter Emalene. My wife pretends she’s crying so Emalene races over and consoles her. I got into the game the other day.

“Waaaaaaa!” I wailed.

“Oh no. Daddy’s crying.” Emalene said while giving my wife a concerned look.

My daughter then went to the coffee table and grabbed the remote control for the television. She rushed over to me.

“Here Daddy.”

Suddenly, I felt a lot better.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: This video made me laugh. Out loud. I would be the Bad Gear Guy. I do hate Dr. Quickskins.

Carytown Goes Green

2007-09-05T16:15:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow night, Sept. 6, is Fashion First in Carytown, a night when many of the stores stay open late and host special events or sales. This month, many of the stores are focusing on an eco-friendly theme. So get out and shop for sustainability. Here’s a sampling of store events.

Que Bella will introduce a new reusable shopping bag for frequent shoe-buyers. Anyone who spends at least $200 will get one free and shoppers who bring it back for their next comfy-yet-stylish shoe purchase will receive a $5 discount. In addition, Lauren Carroll, co-owner of the cruelty-free, eco-friendly shoe line Charmone will be in the store from noon to 8 p.m.

At Soak! shoppers will be offered organic Hawaiian hand treatments along with special discounts and refreshments. The evening will feature Malie Kauai’s line of all-natural aromatherapy products. If you stop in, make sure to smell the coconut vanilla: The creamy, rich scent is absolutely delicious.

Need Supply Co. will launch three new socially and environmentally sustainable clothing lines. The first is Good Society, a denim line that uses 100-percent organic cotton. The company focus on clean, simple jeans for both men and women and donates 10 percent of its profits to various charities worldwide. Loomstate is a denim and chinos line for men and women that’s also made with organic cotton. And for customers who want an entire “green” outfit, Need Supply Co. will be featuring Alternate Earth, a line of basic tees made from organic cotton that come in a range of styles and colors. While you’re in the “green” mindset, owner Chris Bossola wants you to recycle your old jeans. So, if you bring in an old pair and buy a new pair, you’ll get a 20 percent discount and your old jeans will be donated to charity. And if that isn’t enough, Sticky Rice will be serving up vegan sushi and DJ Rudy Lopez will be providing music.

Animal-friendly handbags by Canadian Matt & Nat will be the focus at Jet Set Boutique. Many of the designs have the look of leather with a price tag of $150 or less. If you buy one during Fashion First, you’ll get 20 percent off. A fashion show at Pink will feature Stewart + Brown, an eco-friendly fashion-forward clothing line.

These are just a few highlights of tomorrow’s big night. Look for more events in the other boutiques as you wander up and down the street.

Happy Camping with David Lowery

2007-08-31T10:40:00.000-04:00

What started out as an extended birthday party for a group of friends is now a music sensation — in the middle of the California desert. You’re probably asking why Richmond should care, right?

Because several of the bands at the third annual Cracker and Camper Van Beethoven Campout (Sept. 6-8 in Pioneertown, Calif.) have Virginia ties: Richmond residents David Lowery of Cracker and Camper, Johnny Hott, also of Cracker; Charlottesville’s Hackensaw Boys and Ohio’s Jason Molina, whose albums Lowery has produced in his Broad Street studio, Sound of Music. (Temporarily relocated across the street, thanks to a recent fire on that block.) Molina records under his own name, as well as Songs: Ohia and his most recent incarnation, Magnolia Electric Company.

I caught up with Lowery recently to talk about the campout and the latest news on his musical projects.

“Originally it was going to be a party for friends and families and people in the band,” he says. “Lots of people in Camper had September birthdays.” Then a plan developed to invite fans, which worked out pretty well. “Everybody clamored for us to do another one,” Lowery says, and last year, the second night sold out. This year, they are adding a third night, and Cracker will play 1993’s “Kerosene Hat” in its entirety. (“Low,” off this album, was the group’s first big single.)

Pioneertown, Lowery acknowledges, is “out in the middle of nowhere,” but it’s within reasonable driving distance of L.A., Las Vegas and Phoenix. “It’s a beautiful place. Hipsters and artists have discovered that area in the last 10, 15 years. I like the vibe of the people.” It’s also not far from where he grew up, in Redlands, Calif.

When Lowery and I spoke, he was in California, writing songs for Camper. But more appears to be happening on the Cracker front. A radio station in New York picked up a demo recording (“Baby, All Those Girls Meant Nothing To Me”) off Lowery’s MySpace page this summer, and it’s gotten considerable radio play. The band’s also been touring in support of last year’s album “Greenland.” With well-attended shows, Lowery calls this Cracker’s “most successful summer in more than 10 years. Kids like rock again — I don’t know what it is.” The 17-year-old group may come out with a new album next (rather than Camper) because of this wave of support, and Lowery suggests that another “radio song” might be released this fall.

And now for the burning question: Will there be an East Coast Campout for those of us who can’t make it to the desert? Lowery says maybe next year. “We’ve thought about it, and we even know where we’d want to do it,” he says — possibly in Virginia or North Carolina. But the decision will be made after September, once this year’s campout is done. Stay tuned!

The Half-Hour Fantasy Football Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif

2007-08-31T10:37:00.000-04:00

This week is devoted to fantasy football. Let’s jump right in and analyze the top 12 picks of the draft since most leagues have a dozen teams.

1. LT. Superhero.

2. Steven Jackson. The bruising back totaled 2,334 yards from scrimmage and 16 touchdowns last season. The Rams have said they want Jackson to catch fewer passes this season because they want to spread the ball to their receivers more. Some think he resembles another Jackson.

3. Joseph Addai. He shared time last year and surely
that’s still the plan. However, the Colts have not found anyone who can take carries away from Addai. That means this Super Bowl champ, if healthy, will add at least 500 yards to his totals last season.

4. Larry Johnson. We waited a while for him to report to camp. It’s a good thing he took the money now before his body breaks down. Johnson rushed for 752 times the past two seasons. The Chiefs have said they want to limit his carries and with an inexperienced quarterback set to start and an inferior offensive line, Johnson’s production will certainly drop by 200-300 yards and a handful of TDs.

5. Laurence Maroney. Can’t go wrong with having the No. 1 running back on the Super Bowl favorites. Come November and December when the weather gets cold, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPHDWokDNys
Maroney and his big body will run over defenses. The Patriots will have a balanced offense, which only means it will be very effective.

6. Frank Gore. The 49ers running back has a physical style mixed with surprising speed. Gore signed a huge contract in March just before the surge toward his prime. San Francisco is much improved, meaning Gore will have more scoring chances.

7. Shaun Alexander. He was injured last year after an MVP season that saw him break the single-season TD record. His foot injury is just a sign of his physical breakdown. He may have one more good season left as the primary back. But look for him to share more carries.

8. Willie Parker. Just like Maroney, Parker will get the ball come winter in Pittsburgh. Six of his seven 100-yard games came at home, including a pair of 200-yard outbursts. He’s good value with the No. 8 pick.

9. Reggie Bush. He might be a stretch this high because he shares time with the Deuce. But just to be able to watch him on Sundays perform for your team is worth the risk. He won’t carry it 20 times, but he will have 20-30 touches. So that means he’ll line up in the slot and return punts.

10. Rudi Johnson. The man from Petersburg is suppose to break down already. But he continues to grind out the yards. The Bengals drafted Kenny Irons in the second round to take some of the load off of Johnson. Not gonna happen. Irons blew out his knee.

11. Brian Westbrook. The best running back in the NFC East. Westbrook is a threat to take it home every time he touches the ball. He’s also the best receiving back in the league. Injuries are a concern, but if he’s on the field, there are few better ballers.

12. Peyton Manning. There’s no question that running backs win fantasy leagues. However, Manning is worthy of a first-round pick. The Colts used their top pick to draft a slot receiver. Tight end Dallas Clark keeps improving. Manning does not make mistakes and he’s good for at least 30-TD passes.

OUT AT HOME: You know you have a cool wife when she eagerly anticipates a special delivery all week. When that delivery comes, she can’t wait to show it to you. My wife bought my daughter a “HAIL TO THE REDSKINS” T-shirt. It’s AWESOME!!! The kid and I will be sporting our gear on Sundays.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: You can’t possibly want another one. But hey, who I am to judge? A tribute to a great woman gone too soon.

He's in the Game

2007-08-24T10:50:00.000-04:00

I didn’t buy Madden 08 when it was released Aug. 14 and I probably won’t ever. You see, I’ve given up on the video game. No matter how much time I put into it, I’ll never be good. Plus I’m always the Redskins, and I’m sure that doesn’t help much.

One guy who has perfected Madden is Justin Chow of Great Falls, Va. Chow, 22, is considered one of the best in the country and has competed in the $100,000 Madden Challenge and appeared in the first season of Madden Nation on ESPN.

Chow started his video football career by running Bo Jackson wild on Techmo Bowl. His father grew up in Los Angeles, so naturally he learned to love the L.A. Raiders. Techmo Bowl was indeed one of the best games ever produced and Bo Jackson was perhaps the greatest game icon in the history of video sports.

“Then I got a Sega Genesis in 1994,” Chow says. “That’s when I first played Madden.”

Chow would whip his dad but soon gave up the game. It wasn’t until 2004 when he bought PlayStation 2 with an online adapter that he started playing Madden again.

Chow learned playbooks, glitches and cyber opponents on his journey to become an online legend. Madden players across the nation knew who he was.

“I’m a competitive person,” says Chow, who is a senior at Radford University. “I really got into it. I played all the time.”

By 2005, he had heard of tournaments and the circuit. He traveled to Las Vegas for his first tournament and won $10,000. He later qualified for the Madden Challenge by taking the Washington D.C. tournament.

Soon after, EA Sports, the makers of Madden, came calling and picked Chow to appear on a reality television show. The gamers rode cross-country on a bus and played for survival. The winner collected $100,000.

In the eight-episode Madden Nation, Chow lasted until the seventh show. Chow recently entered a tournament in Hawaii but lost in the final eight. He says over the past two years, he’s won about $35,000 in prize money.

But how does he pay for the travel expenses?

“All I need is a plane ticket, and I get that from sponsorships or wherever,” Chow says. “It’s weird, perfect strangers treat me well because I’m good at Madden. I have strangers pick me up at the airport, let me stay at their house, feed me and drive me wherever I need to go.”

During the Madden season, which starts when the game is released and runs until May, Chow says that he can practice up to 12 hours per day. He’ll play online or in practice mode.

As for secrets, he says at his level, it usually comes down to the mental aspect because so many players are equal in their execution.

“Madden is about adjustments,” Chow says. “You need to have in your head every possible play at any given situation that will not be stopped by your opponent.”

But for regular folks like me, Chow offers suggestions like knowing the playbook and just getting in some practice. He also says that perfecting the glitches help a lot.

“There’s a glitch in Madden 08,” Chow says. “There’s a way to make the receiver jump real high. He’ll jump over two or three guys and make the catch.”

Chow will be back at Radford in a few days to finish his studies in computer science. EA Sports has offered him a job as a game tester once he’s done.

“I want to be a game designer one day,” Chow says. “I just can’t work 9-5 at a desk. I need to be connected to video games in some way.”

OUT AT HOME: I’m a geek, I’m a geek, I’m a geek. My cousin Ernest called me up recently to say, “Hey, ESPN is doing mock drafts. You wanna do some?”

Of course I did. We drafted teams in four leagues. Not satisfied, I suggested a few days later that we create a league that included individual defensive players and a punter. GEEK!

The draft for the Salty Prunes League is Tuesday, Sept. 4. I plan on making Julius Peppers or Champ Bailey my first defensive player selection.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: Here’s a video of a friend of my wife’s sister. Bernard Pollard is a safety for the Kansas City Chiefs. All hail Fort Wayne!

What We’re Working On

2007-08-20T11:31:00.000-04:00

While you’re enjoying the final weeks of summer, over at Richmond magazine we’re gearing up for our October issue, which will include a package of school-related stories. We're interested in learning more about tutoring programs throughout the area's public schools. If your child has taken advantage of any tutoring opportunities in either Richmond, Chesterfield, Henrico or Hanover schools, give me a call at 355-0111, ext. 324, or e-mail sarahm@richmag.com.

Baseball Great Heads Home

2007-08-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

My grandfather’s property in Mountainside, N.J., looked massive through the eyes of an 8 year old when in fact it was just less than an acre.

My younger brother, grandfather and I would walk the land in the mornings, cutting up gypsy moths that were trapped in potato sack aprons that hung around oak trees and shooting blue jays away from sparrows nests with homemade sling shots.

We would spend the afternoons swimming in the pool, which seemed as big as the ocean, but now I know I could have covered its length in five strokes. My grandfather, a baseball player at Rutgers and a civil servant his entire life, taught us to dive—spring three times on the board and cut through the water without nary a splash.

When we were refreshed from swimming, it was time to put on the gloves and box. My grandfather, Anthony Glenn Harter, wanted his grandsons to protect themselves in the schoolyard.

“Uppercut to the stomach,” he would say. “That way you don’t break your hand. You can hit someone in the stomach all day long.”

He drove a Lincoln Continental with suicide doors and steered with one finger, boasting about the supreme vehicle’s power steering. We would go with him to the Stop & Shop and among the purchases we would buy several gallons of milk, deli meat, root beer and vanilla ice cream.

Dinner was eaten when the sun clocked out for the day. Bath time followed. And then we all gathered in the living room for Yankees baseball.

I was never a Yankees fan. My father grew up loving the Brooklyn Dodgers to oppose my grandfather’s beloved Bronx Bombers. So I naturally was steered to follow my father’s team.

But I was a fan of my grandfather. Whatever he did, I wanted to do. Whatever he said, I wanted to repeat. So it was during these hot summer nights, when my grandfather would teach me about Reggie Jackson, Mickey Rivers, Chris Chambliss, Graig Nettles, Willie Randolph, Ron Guidry, Goose Gossage, Ed Figueroa, Sparky Lyle, Bobby Murcer—how easy it is to remember the names—Catfish Hunter, Thurman Munson, Bucky Dent, Jay Johnstone, Roy White, Paul Blair and Billy Martin, I became a Yankees fan.

If Mickey Rivers stepped up to bat with runners on base and he was 0 for 3, my grandfather would say, “he’s due.” If the hitless streak was over two or three days, Anthony Glenn would add, “he’s overdue!” Inevitably, these slumping Yankees would find their stroke and I would believe he performed magic over them.

The seventh-inning stretch in Grandpa Harter’s house meant ice cream soda. My brother and I were responsible for making them—two scoops of vanilla and the root beer from the Stop and Shop.

I’ve never made or had better.

I was reminded of all of this a few days ago. It had been years since I thought in detail about my grandfather. But when Phil Rizzuto died, the great Yankees shortstop and broadcaster, “Holy Cow!” the memories flowed.

Anthony Glenn Harter passed away a couple of years before Rizzuto retired from the booth. Here’s hoping the two of them are sharing an ice cream soda and talking about how Alex Rodriguez is overdue.

OUT AT HOME: Jennifer, my wife, and I were dressed up and drove to a social event recently. I don’t know what it was, maybe I had a few seconds at a traffic light, or maybe her sheer beauty kept catching my attention, but I noticed.

“Honey, I just had a moment to look at you, and you look great,” I said.

She smiled and laughed. And it was the kind of smile and laugh that if we’re lucky enough to share more often, we’ll be happily married forever.

So the lesson I learned? Take time to check out the wife because she’s beautiful.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: In honor of “The Scooter.”

17th Annual Down Home Family Reunion

2007-08-14T13:34:00.000-04:00

Sunday was a wonderful day for Carytown’s Watermelon Festival. Let’s hope the weather is as forgiving this weekend for the 17th Annual Down Home Family Reunion, a celebration of African-American folk life hosted by the Elegba Folklore Society.

On Saturday, Aug. 18, the free festivities at Abner Clay Park (Belvidere and West Leigh Street, in Jackson Ward) are from 4 to 11 p.m. Here you’ll find artist/producer Pauline Bailey (whose work is also on display through Aug. 26 at The Propaganda, 101 E. Leigh St.), soul singers The Intruders, Toby Foyeh and Orchestra Africa, the steel drums of Trinidad by Caribbean Pan Vibes, jazz singer Lady E, children’s activities, demonstrations, and Southern and African-inspired foods.

The Sunday at Dusk event (5 p.m. at the Holiday Inn Central) will feature neo-soul recording artist Dwele, comedian Antoine Scott and spoken word by Tuesday Verses Poets with Chicken Grease. Tickets for the Sunday at Dusk event are $10. For more information, call 644-3900 or visit www.efsinc.org.

Jhoon Rhee Means Might for Right!

2007-08-10T14:43:00.000-04:00

If I’m in a crowded area, say a doctor’s waiting room, and I want to know who grew up in the Washington D.C. area circa the 1970s and 1980s, all I have to do is say “Nobody bothers me.”

Anybody who responds, “Nobody bothers me either,” will definitely earn a smile and some conversation.

For those of you who weren’t privileged to grow up with Joe Gibbs and the Hogs, Manute Bol, Mike Gartner and Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, then you wouldn’t know what I’m talking about.

So here, check this out.

The commercial was perhaps the most popular during its 15-year tenure on Channel 5 (WTTG) and Channel 20 (WDCA). Every kid, and I stress every kid in my generation saw it and could recite it.

I can’t remember a single phone number, not even my wife’s, but ask me how to reach Jhoon Rhee, and I could tell you under the influence of bad sushi.

“Call USA-1000!”

Now I might have a Western name, but I look 100 percent Asian in the winter (some say with a summer tan I look Hispanic). So it was pretty cool back in the day to have that little commercial in my back pocket and anyone who messed with me, got a little Bruce Lee glare and the Chinese restaurant waiter accented “Nobody bothers me.”

I tried to actually reach Jhoon Rhee (USA-1000 is not the number now) at one of his dozen schools that also can be found in Texas and Arizona. The 5-foot-6, 135-pound Rhee has built an empire after coming to America from Korea with $46 in his pocket.

Apparently, at age 75, Rhee is as active as ever. He does a lot of speaking engagements and seminars. People who see him marvel at his youthful appearance.

But Jhoon Rhee was never the interesting one to me. While watching cartoons like Underdog or Scooby-Doo after school, I often would see the commercial and imitate the little boy.

“Nobody bothers me either!” And then wink a good wink.

He’s not so little anymore. Chun Rhee is now a master and runs the Jhoon Rhee Falls Church school.

“I remember my dad was going to say the line,” Chun Rhee says. “His friend, the cameraman, suggested the kids do it. There were never any intentions for us to do the commercial. We were just there to watch.

“It took me five takes to get it right. It was the wink that got me. You can see me struggling with my eyebrows.”

Chun Rhee was five when the commercial first aired in 1972. His sister, Meme, was a year younger. The ad cost a few hundred dollars and catapulted Jhoon Rhee to cult status.

“A lot of people still remember the commercial,” says Chun Rhee, who graduated from William & Mary. “It’s amazing.”

OUT AT HOME: I want to know what’s in Dora the Explorer that has my daughter addicted. It was just a month ago we introduced her to Dora, Boots and Swiper and now she’s obsessed. What is it that make children want the blanket, the pillow, the towel, the action figure, the freakin’ backpack and map?

Man, the people who make children’s television are good! Real good!

“Dora, Dora!” that’s all I ever hear her say anymore. She ignores her toys, her mother and her friends. She doesn’t want to eat. She doesn’t want to sleep. She sneaks a dose of Dora behind our backs.

It’s time for an intervention.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: I feel bad for this poor guy, but he did come up with a cool catch phrase, “BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!”

Will he finally win a ring?

2007-08-01T12:43:00.001-04:00

It had been 20 years since a high schooler considered entering the NBA draft. But that’s what Kevin Garnett did in 1995 when he declared himself eligible.

I remember going to my own fantasy draft auction that season drooling over the prospect of this kid. At 6-foot-11 and with kangaroo-leg springs and arms that could stock the top shelves at grocery stores, Garnett possessed freakish athletic tools.

I opened with a high bid. I waited. Nobody topped me. I was told that he was a high school kid who should go to college. He didn’t belong with men.

“But what about Moses Malone? Or Darryl Dawkins?” I protested.

Those guys had butts the size of minivans when they were teens. They could move you out of the lane with just one bump.

Garnett? He was a skinny young’un with no obvious skills. No outside shot. No patented post move. No intimidating snarl. And certainly nothing that could budge a 7-foot grizzly out of rebounding position.

I told my friends they were insane, that Garnett would become the best player in the game and eventually win a handful of championships.

Unfortunately, I was half right.

Garnett learned after a tough rookie season that he didn’t need to go through post players. Just over them. He also developed a nice jumper. He added a quick first step and fadeaway. He even threw in some baby hooks.

I don’t remember when, but No. 21 once dunked on or “posterized” (as some are fond of saying) an opponent and Minnesota Timberwolves play-by-play man Kevin Harlan responded with this famous line, “Garnett dunks with no regard for human life!”

Garnett grew confidence. He earned respect. He was the perfect teammate and leader. He signed a six-year, $126 million contract in 1997. He appeared blessed.

Well, there was this one thing.

It’s funny how sports stars age so quickly before our eyes. Garnett lost year after year in the playoffs, and people always thought he would be back and eventually win it all. But it never happened.

Meanwhile, Tim Duncan, Garnett’s chief rival, kept winning and did it without much effort. The pair will go down in history as two of the best power forwards of our time. However, Duncan will be held in higher esteem because of his four championship rings.

Now Garnett is traded after serving 12 years in Minnesota. His statistics are already good enough for the hall of fame.

He’s going to the Celtics for seven players, the most for one player in the history of the NBA. When he arrived and saw that the last of Boston’s 16 championships was won in 1986, a reporter said, “21 years ago.”

To that, Garnett responded, “21 is a good number.”

I don’t believe the Celtics are good enough for Garnett to finally win a ring. Just like Charles Barkley going to Phoenix in the early 1990s, this will end with Garnett’s body breaking down and him realizing one day that it was not meant to be.

He’ll join a long list of talented players who never won it — Karl Malone, Patrick Ewing, Allen Iverson, Steve Nash, John Stockton, Jason Kidd, Reggie Miller, to name a few from my era.

Danny Ainge, Boston’s executive director of basketball operations, said the team gave up a lot to get Garnett and added, “Too much? Time will tell.”

OUT AT HOME: I had my daughter on the changing table the other morning. I took off her diaper as she said, “pee pee.”

I felt the diaper, and it was dry. So I said, “No pee pee.” Wait a second. She went all night without wetting the diaper? That’s when I saw the devilish smile. She had just given me a signal of what she was about to unleash. And she did. All over the changing table, all over the floor.

So what did I learn? My 21-month-old daughter is probably ready for potty training, which means I need to figure out how to train her. I also learned that when my little girl sends out a warning, I need to heed.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: At last, football is here! So in honor of the start of training camp, here’s a video that will blow your mind. Of course, it’s of the best quarterback in the National Football League! Be sure to check out the other ones in the related section.

Rich Mag on the scene: Vick's court appearance

2007-07-26T15:45:00.000-04:00

A couple hundred protesters, a few fans, a bunch of downtown office workers and, oh yeah, every media outlet from here to Kalamazoo showed up downtown on Bank Street to see Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick make his appearance at federal court this afternoon to face arraignment on animal cruelty charges related to a dogfighting ring in Surry County. A few pictures from the street:

PETA signs depicting wounded pit bulls were on heavy display, while others came up with clever slogans for their banners.

Allison Drezek (left), mother Dee Drezek and Allison's pit Nemo (wearing a "Stop Killing My Family" T-shirt) showed up to protest Vick.

Fewer people protested Vick's innocence.

"Bad Newz" is the name of the dogfighting ring, which came from a nickname for Vick's hometown, Newport News.

TV camera operators and other photographers made up a large part of the crowd.

Y101 radio personalities "Sludge" (Brian Haddad, in plaid shirt) and Abe Kanan, wearing costumes from Premiere, were barking up the right tree to publicize their station.

No. 1131938 ("That's what they call me by," said this Vick protester, who wouldn't give his name) says the former Virginia Tech standout might have to trade his football for a ball and chain.

The man arrives (second from right), to both boos and cheers. Presumably it was a little quieter in the courthouse.

Bad Newz Sports

2007-07-25T16:03:00.000-04:00

For crying out loud, what’s going on in sports? Michael Vick. Barry Bonds. Gambling referee. Has there ever been a worse time in American sports history? (And, yes, that's hypothetical. No doubt that those with longer memories could recount other scandalous eras.)

I’m sure you all have read the stories and know most of the details, but I’d like to bring up a few points that left me crosseyed.

Michael Vick: How did this mess become public? If you remember, Vick’s cousin, Davon Boddie, was busted for distribution of marijuana and possession with intent to distribute. A search warrant was issued based on suspicion after the arrest.

Now we all know Boddie lived in the Surry County house Vick owned and what authorities found there.

But the eyebrow-raising thing to me is that in the federal indictment for dogfighting, Boddie was not listed. Why?

He lived there, after all. That’s where the activity took place. Why was Boddie not named with Vick and the other three who were indicted? What sound does a canary make?

Barry Bonds: Word is that Patrick Arnold, inventor of “the clear,” told HBO Sports' Bob Costas that Bonds knew he was taking steroids. But at the same time, the chemist says he never met Bonds.

Man, I just wish someone would tell the truth. Maybe it would be better when Bonds breaks the record and then goes away.

Gambling referee. His name is Tim Donaghy, and he could go down as the most notorious sports figure in history. Even worse than Shoeless Joe Jackson or Pete Rose.

The stunning thing about this sickening situation is that Donaghy earned a good salary. The Associated Press reported he made $260,000 last year. I’m sure it’s a different world than the one I live in, but how can you get in deep with the mob making that kind of coin? Plus he’s a referee who works less than 200 hours a year! You gotta be some kind of stupid to screw up a gig like that.

In light of all the filth, there is something that reminds me that sports still can be good. Cal Ripken and Tony Gwynn will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this weekend. They are two of the classiest athletes of my generation.

OUT AT HOME: I visited my father and brother in Northern Virginia last weekend, and the three of us moved seven logs that were six feet long and about two feet (my dad claims they are only a foot) thick. How we moved them, I don’t have any clue. But we did He-Man the logs several feet out of the way.

So a few hours later, as we filled ourselves with white rice and five-spice beef at our favorite Szechuan restaurant, I felt a paralyzing pain. My back. My aching back.
“That’s why I told you to use your legs more,” my dad said, offering me jasmine tea but no sympathy.

I left the restaurant stiff, walking like if I sneezed, I might have an accident. Arriving costumers must have wondered, "What the hell did he eat?"
It’s been several days now, and my back is no better. I really should go see a doctor. My lawn needs mowing, and other chores are piling up.

This latest incident just reminds me that I’m getting old. Because nothing says “old man” more than me scrunched over, holding my lower back with both hands and asking my wife and daughter to wait up.

VIDEO OF THE DAY: You’ve heard of the Rain Man, now meet Stephen Wilshire. He’s perhaps the most amazing of all savants. His nickname is “The Living Camera.” This demonstration is truly remarkable. —Gage Harter

Conference on Immigrant Rights

2007-07-25T10:14:00.000-04:00

There’s no doubt that immigration and immigrant rights are hot topics. But many worry that much gets lost in a wave of political jargon and that all sides are not equally heard, which is why the National Immigrant Solidarity Network is hosting a three-day conference of workshops at the University of Richmond beginning Friday.

Workshop topics will include congressional legislation, multi-ethnic organizing and militarization of the border. The film Reel Bad Arabs, which examines stereotypical “evil” Arabs in Hollywood blockbusters, will also be shown. Registration is $20 or $15 for students. For more information, call (202) 595-8990 or visit www.2007conference.net.

Luxuriate at Le Visage

2007-07-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

Newly opened makeup boutique Le Visage, which we first told you about in the July Carytown Guide, and Carytown bath and body mainstay Soak! are hosting an open house pampering party on Aug. 2 from 6 to 9 p.m. at Le Visage (3007 W. Cary St.). Guests can stop in to receive a discount on Le Visage’s makeup, pick up coupons to use at Soak!, enjoy refreshments, and enter to win a private makeup party at Le Visage or a month’s supply of Soak! fizzy bath bombs. Or, if you’re looking to make an evening of it, call ahead to RSVP and schedule a time for a free makeover, hand-acial (a series of treatments similar to a facial that condition hands) and massage. Also make sure to swing by other boutiques around town since that evening is also Fashion First — lots of shops will be open late hosting fun events.

Barry Bonds: You Make the Call

2007-07-18T13:42:00.000-04:00

Barry Bonds steps in. AND the windup. The pitch. Here’s a high fly ball, deep to right. It’s gone. Bighead Bonds is now the home-run chump. Boo, America! The most hallowed of all sports records has been spit on.

Now that’s how I would call the Cheater’s historic home run. I know, I know, he hasn’t been caught using steroids and even if he did use performance-enhancing drugs, it was during an era when they were not so illegal.

Spare me any defense of Bonds. I don’t want to be asked how steroids help a batter hit the ball. Guns don’t kill people. People kill people, right? Give me a break. We will never agree.
Perhaps the most intriguing part of this chase is how broadcasters will call No. 756, particularly San Francisco Giants play-by-play men Jon Miller and Dave Flemming.

The two have had months — more than that, a couple of years — to think of how they would call the historic shot.

I spoke with Richmond Braves’ radio broadcaster Robert Fish and asked him how he would approach the call. This is his answer: “Here's the pitch ... Bonds swings, and there's a high fly ball, deep to right field. Back it goes … IT’S GONE! There it is! Number 756 for Bonds. One of baseball’s most hallowed records is broken, and Barry Bonds is now the new all-time home-run champion.”

Notice the similarities? Except Fish does not believe steroids should be an issue at that moment.

“I think the game and the event is separate from the steroid allegations and the cloud of suspicion that Bonds is under,” Fish says. “So the call of the actual event has to focus on just that, in my opinion.”

Now, don’t think for a minute Fish is a Bonds fan. He’s just a professional.

“I’m not rooting for Bonds to break the record, personally,” Fish says. “I was a huge (Hammerin’ Hank) Aaron fan growing up, and had no problems with him breaking Babe Ruth’s record, but Bonds is a different subject. As I said, we don’t know really what he’s done, but he’s done something to gain an edge. It’s too bad really, because early in his career he was a very talented player who didn’t need to ‘cheat.’ ”

Here are a couple of links to other opinions of play-by-play guys. Pay close attention to what Cincinnati Reds broadcaster Marty Brennaman says. I love it!

And for those of you who forgot or never heard it. Here’s a call by Milo Hamilton that will make you appreciate a true home-run champion: “Henry Aaron, in the second inning walked and scored. He’s sittin’ on 714. Here’s the pitch by Downing. Swinging. There’s a drive into left-center field. That ball is gonna beeeee outta here! It’s gone! It’s 715! There is a new home-run champion of all-time … and it’s Henry Aaron!”

Brings chills to my spine.

OUT AT HOME
My 21-month-old daughter has a biting problem. She’s been written up at school twice and has left her mark on my wife’s arm. I’ve tried to teach her biting is bad by giving her a timeout whenever it happens.

“Do you bite your friends?” I ask.

“No,” she replies.

But just to be sure she understands, I ask her a follow-up question.

“Do you love Daddy?”

“No.”

Hmmmm. I wonder if she is telling the truth or has no idea what I’m talking about.

If anyone wants to offer advice, I’ll take it.

PHOTO OF THE DAY
Since we’re talking steroids, maybe Bonds should use this dog as an excuse for his inflated body. The slugger could say it’s a genetic disorder. —Gage Harter

A Book Snob No More

2007-07-11T16:50:00.000-04:00

On Saturday while I was waiting to have my car inspected, I headed over to Willow Lawn and passed by Book Market, the shop in the former home of Tower Records. I have to admit, I generally turn my nose up at discount bookstores: They are often full of books with damaged covers and leftover titles crammed on shelves. I don’t care to dig through a disorganized mess to find one good deal.

As I passed by Book Market, though, a book on making jewelry with items from a hardware store in the window caught my eye. It was priced at only $4.99 so I decided to head inside and flip through it. As I stepped inside, I was amazed by the selection and organization of the store. My hardware jewelry book was located in the "craft and hobby" section. I stayed there for a while perusing titles on remaking T-shirts and transforming old baskets into gifts and creative storage pieces.

Once I pulled myself out of that section, I took a look around the store. All of the books were neatly stacked on spacious tables with clear category labels. Each book was easy to see, and I didn’t feel overwhelmed by shelves and shelves filled with titles.

The “home” section housed books on throwing home parties and on decorating. I decided to leave one book completely devoted to color schemes with historical data on how they were used in the past behind. Over in “coffee table books” I spent a while reading up on makeup throughout history. In cookbooks, I excitedly picked up two South Beach Diet books ($6.99 and $7.99) that I’d been meaning to head to a full-price bookstore and purchase. I also gave into my love of reading diet books in the “self improvement” section, where there were current titles galore. A “humor” table was full of cute books that would make great gifts and notecards, which I especially don’t expect to find at book discounters. I almost bought one set of “Are You My Boyfriend?” cards ($3.99) with pictures of different dating stereotypes and amusing descriptions.

When I checked out, I told the manager how much I liked the store and he said they were getting in another shipment this Wednesday (today). Needless to say, I will definitely be adding Book Market to my normal rotation.

--Megan Marconyak

Richard Kelly Shoots in Richmond

2007-07-09T17:00:00.000-04:00

We told you back in August 2006 that Donnie Darko director (and Midlothian High grad) Richard Kelly was in town scouting locations for his next film (and he was kind enough to swing by Velocity Comics for a signing while he was here). Well, according to the director's MySpace blog, it's now official: Production on The Box will begin in November, starring Cameron Diaz and filming in Richmond. As for Kelly's long-aborning and much-anticipated second film, Southland Tales, the director notes that a release date will be announced soon.

If you can't wait, don't forget that three graphic-novel prequels to Southland Tales, by Kelly and artist Brett Weldele, are now available for your reading pleasure.

A Planter? Are You Serious?

2007-06-29T17:02:00.000-04:00

In the May issue of Richmond magazine, my mother, Pat Kite, wrote an essay on downsizing from her West End home of 34 years to move into a condo in the city. I know there’s no preparing someone for the challenges that sometimes come with urban living — not that there weren’t occasional challenges in her old neighborhood, from vandalized cars to more than a few domestic disputes — but I’m finding that I’m the one who’s shocked at what her block throws her way.

In addition to dealing with a condo association, loud traffic, VCU parties and people using her sidewalk as a bathroom, there’s senseless vandalism and theft to boot. A week before my mom moved in, a planter was stolen off the front porch. I’m not talking about a flimsy window box. I’m talking about a concrete urn filled with dirt that supposedly took two or three men to hoist into place. Well, my mom, who’s not one to back down from a fight, bought a cheaper plastic urn last week. She put it on the porch, which is not at street level, and before my husband could come by with epoxy to seal it to the porch, someone stole it — in the middle of the afternoon while she was at work.

Aside from some of the annoyances, my mom's pretty happy with the move: She likes her new home and her neighbors, and saving gas money by walking to work is a definite bonus.

But this time she's backing down: No more planters for the condo (though she did file a police report). So if you happen to see someone walking around toting a $200 planter filled with an ivy topiary and petunias, give me a call.

Gilmore's "Least Bad Option"

2007-06-22T10:16:00.000-04:00

On Monday, the Washington Post ran an Op/Ed piece by Jim Gilmore, our former governor and current presidential candidate. In the piece, which was reprinted in Wednesay's Times-Dispatch, Gilmore outlines his plan for reducing the U.S. military presence in Iraq. Neither "stayin' the course," nor "cuttin' and runnin'," Gilmore offers a "third way," which he calls with presumably a straight face "the least bad option." You may have seen the piece but probably not in its full pre-edited state, which I have managed to obtain a copy of through terribly secret means* that are no concern of yours. I've taken the liberty of noting the sections in red that were previously there and edited out.

Dear Mr. President,

I call that opening "my grabber." I wonder how many of you would read this piece without it.

As you know from my public statements, I have supported your increase in troops in Iraq in the belief that a new initiative was necessary to bring the Iraq war to a successful conclusion. It has been my position that this troop increase should be given an opportunity to work. But now I am running for president. Increasingly, however, reports show that attacks on our troops, Iraqi police and civilians are not abating.

It is clear from the statements previously made by your administration that there was never any intention to become embroiled in a guerrilla war, urban or otherwise. Clearly your intention was simply to become embroiled in a massive conventional war. American power is not advantaged in such a situation. Trying to fight a guerrilla war in the cities and towns of Iraq has opened opportunities for terrorist enemies such as al-Qaeda and fostered an environment for a Shiite-Sunni civil war in which we have no stake. We were led down this path in part by those who said, "If you break it, you own it." And, of course, by you, Mr. President. This statement asserts a responsibility to contain, control or resolve the centuries-old conflict between competing interests in the Middle East. We did not create these competing interests, and we do not own their conflict. Oprah taught me that. I assert that where and what we fight for must be strictly measured by the interests of the United States.
Like you, I reject the Democrats' policy of an immediate withdrawal or a withdrawal on a timetable. Unfortunately, they are playing to the polls to obtain political advantage at home, to the detriment of the United States. I, however, being a man of unimpeachable principle, would never stoop so low as to change my political position based on the mere opinion of 76 percent of the citizenry of the United States. But I also believe we cannot continue our present policy. We must find a third way.
First, I urge that we stop thinking it is our responsibility to solve the Iraq conflict. Second, I urge you to remember that John McCain thinks it is. It is not. We behave as an occupier, defining what the future of Iraq will be. We suggest their troop strength. We dictate to their parliament. Some politicians even suggest we partition their country. Worst of all, we are starting to suggest that we will define "benchmarks," which gives us an excuse for withdrawal if Iraqis cannot perform the impossible.
I urge that we define our goals in terms of America's national interest, and let the people of Iraq take care of their national interests. The United States has a stake in preventing a government from emerging that is expressly hostile to us, such as in a coup inspired by al-Qaeda. I think we can all agree that this would, as the 18-29 year-old voters say, totally suck. The United States has a stake in not permitting the invasion and occupation of Iraq by any of its neighbors. This can be done through a military assistance program and diplomatic initiative. Beyond this, the responsibility for peace and order of the country rests with the Iraqi government, which can make a specific request to the United States for assistance like any other country of the world. (By calling 1-800-BEG-4-AID.)
As a veteran of the U.S. Army (did I mention I am a veteran?) I believe we cannot just abandon Iraq. I believe the only realistic alternative -- the least bad option, if you will -- is a limited deliberate drawdown of our military men and women and a redeployment of the forces remaining in the region to areas where they can more efficiently and effectively carry out a clearly defined mission.
I believe that the American military is on target when officers ask for a mission that includes maintaining -- either at bases in Iraq at the request of Iraq or in bases in Turkey, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia -- a military force powerful enough to launch special operations missions against al-Qaeda or Sunni insurgents in Iraq; train Iraqi troops to defend their own country; and guarantee the security of the Iraqi government, if so desired by Iraq.
This approach of drawing down our forces while maintaining the military presence needed to preserve democracy in the country and launch special operations missions against terrorists would save U.S. lives and (car!) tax dollars as well as prevent Iraq from becoming a base of operations for foreign jihadists and buy valuable time to train Iraqi forces.
This policy I suggest entails risk that the political or military process inside Iraq may not come out as we hope. But we are already at risk in the Middle East.
American interests come down to protection of our national security, protection of Israel's right to exist, and averting, if possible, a general war in the Middle East, nuclear, cream pie or otherwise. Our present conduct in Iraq distracts from or is detrimental to those goals. I urge you to refocus American policy toward Iraq to further these strategic goals. And to visit http://jimgilmore08.com/.

*pure creative license

X-treme dedication

2007-06-20T17:15:00.000-04:00

Like a lot of people, I read about the Richmond guy who finished first in the XTERRA Urban Assault bike race on Saturday and then went directly to the church to get married.

And I’m sure a lot of folks, sipping their second cups of coffee at the breakfast table Sunday, said, “That guy’s nuts!” Especially when they came to the part where Jimmy McMillan cut back on drinking wine at the reception because he had two road races the next day. Yes, the day after the wedding. That’s one tolerant bride, we all thought.

Jimmy McMillan’s out of the ordinary, but I can understand where he’s coming from a little bit since I started seriously running back in December. A lot of folks work out when it’s convenient — when the weather is nice, when there aren’t too many errands or responsibilities, when they feel inspired (perhaps by the suddenly tight pants in the closet), and I’ve certainly fallen into that category before. Hey, at least we’re working out! But there’s something to be said for getting out there and being active even when you don’t feel like doing anything. I never thought I’d be running five or six days a week for hours at a time. And from the outside, that may sound absolutely cuckoo.

But the payoff is great when you set your heart on something. Interrupting your honeymoon for a bike race is taking it further than most people would go, but I admire McMillan’s extreme commitment to his goal and hope that I can emulate just a little bit of that nuttiness in my running career.

“A Wicket Good Time” — Updated

2007-06-20T15:20:00.000-04:00

Jason Tesauro, our intrepid drinks columnist and a true modern gentleman, penned a feature story about the singular pleasures of croquet for our June issue, recounting some of his past successes — and, sadly, failures — in the Virginia/West Virginia State Croquet Championships.

Well, we're happy to report that Tesauro (in action at left) did himself and his Confederate Hills Croquet Club peers proud in this year's edition of the championships, held from June 10 to 12 at The Greenbrier, taking third place in his first year playing in the first flight division (just one step down from championship flight, the highest level). "It’s the nicest trophy I’ve ever won,” Tesauro reports, “all the way back to a Camp Bernie second-place horseback riding trophy.”

Dash Shaw Sells Out? *

2007-06-20T14:29:00.000-04:00

Senior writer Harry Kollatz Jr. wrote about local cartoonist Dash Shaw, his book The Mother’s Mouth and his contribution to the anthology Stuck in the Middle in our April issue. Turns out that in addition to finishing up his next graphic novel The Bottom-Less Belly Button, Shaw has also been dipping his foot into the superhero-centric world of Marvel Comics (check out a sample here), working on a Doctor Strange story for an upcoming project the publisher’s billing as the “Indie Anthology,” featuring artcomix creators like Shaw, Johnny Ryan (who already skewered more than a few of Marvel’s characters in the scathingly scatological and aptly titled Comic Book Holocaust), James Kochalka and Michael Kupperman taking on Marvel’s icons.

Funny thing is, before all the movie and licensing money started pouring in toward the end of the ’90s, Marvel was in dire financial straits for a while there, filing for bankruptcy in 1996. This led now-defunct publisher Highwater Books to release a tongue-in-cheek Marvel Benefit issue of its anthology Coober Skeeber, in which, you guessed it, artcomix creators offered their (unauthorized) takes on Marvel characters. Kochalka’s Hulk story for Coober Skeeber was later reprinted by Marvel, and now the biggest company in American comics appears to be taking that ball and running with it. —Chad Anderson

* We kid, we kid.

No Child Left Inside

2007-06-19T09:51:00.000-04:00

In today’s Washington Post there’s a story that all parents should read. Staff writer Donna St. George introduces us to author Richard Louv of Last Child in the Woods fame. In his book, he gives a label — “nature deficit disorder” — to a phenomenon that’s happening across the county — kids who don't play outside.

Want proof? From 1997 to 2003, Sandra Hofferth, a family studies professor at the University of Maryland, found there was a decline of 50 percent, from 16 to 8 percent, in the proportion of children ages 9 to 12 who spent time outside doing things such as hiking, walking, fishing and gardening. So, there’s now a push for a “green hour,” an hour of casual outdoor play every day. Now that summer’s here, how will you make sure your kids step away from the video games and get outside? — Sarah K. McDonald

Summer Irritations

2007-06-14T15:47:00.000-04:00

As a child I traipsed around the woods with my father and brothers quite a bit, never to be bothered by poison ivy, ticks or other woodland annoyances. But over Memorial Day weekend, alien-like itchy bumps and a rash began popping up on my arms and stomach. Poison ivy? Poison oak? I hadn’t seen any while working in my flower beds just days before, but what else could it be? I was so disgusted by my own arms that I wore long sleeves in the 100-degree heat, not wanting to catch even the slightest glimpse. Benadryl and calamine lotion didn’t cut it, so a six-day dose of prednisone was in order. It seems to have done the trick, but now I’m terrified to return to my yard. What other dangers are lurking among the weeds and shrubs?

Perhaps ticks have it in for me now. Good thing we recently got an e-mail here at the office about how to deal with those buggers. Instead of going in violently with a pair of tweezers, the suggestion was to apply a glob of liquid soap to a cotton ball. Then cover the tick with the soap-soaked cotton ball for about 15 to 20 seconds, after which the tick should come out stuck to the cotton ball.

The July issue of Parents magazine has tips for remedying more of summer’s irritants, including sunburns and bee stings. Tip: Neutralize the venom of a bee sting with a solution of meat tenderizer and water or solid antiperspirant. Do you have any tried and true tricks of the trade to tackle the challenges summer brings your way? —Sarah K. McDonald

"What's in the Water?" Revisited

2007-06-11T11:33:00.000-04:00

In early May, Ralph White, the director of the city of Richmond’s James River Parks system, told me that about 65,000 people per month visited the river parks last summer, according to a survey.

Because it’s such a recreational magnet is partly what motivated us to do a feature in our June edition on the health of the James. The feature is titled “What’s in the Water?” and hit the stands a couple weeks ago.

Another reason for this piece was to coincide roughly with the James River Association’s release today of the “State of the James” report. The report looks at several indicators of the river’s overall health. — fish and wildlife populations, the amount and quality of natural habitat, the amount of pollution in the water, and the efforts to protect and restore the river.

Just before the river report was due out, Bill Street, the JRA’s executive director, gave me a brief preview and said he expected the James River to receive something like a “C” grade overall — not great but not dismal; alive and relatively healthy, but with a lot of room for improvement. (You should be able to get a PDF of the report soon at the JRA’s Web site.)

In general, Street says, there has been a steady rebound in some of the wildlife and fish in the James. Bald eagles and osprey have begun to thrive again, and rockfish populations are strong, he says. Other aquatic life — namely freshwater oysters — are struggling, he says.

And check out this fact: Those oysters are like nature’s own Brita filters. Each oyster can filter 40 to 50 gallons of river water a day. But they’re in short supply because the river bottom habitat is silted over in many spots.

For that feature. I spent a little time on the water, in the tidal section of the James near Hopewell, with Street, and the JRA’s riverkeeper, Chuck Frederickson. I also interviewed a handful of people who have either a professional or personal interest in the health of the water flowing down the James.

As we floated along the current, Street and Frederickson both gave me some perspective on how much we’ve changed the river since Capt. John Smith arrived at the mouth of the James in the 1600s. Back then, the JRA guys told me, Smith’s ship logs record that the oyster banks were so thick with oysters that they were navigation hazards. And the water was so clear that the ship mates could see the vessel's anchor on the river bottom in 40 feet of water.

Today, in spots, Frederickson is lucky to be able to see one meter (a little more than three feet) into the water. And that’s just the minimum standard for water clarity — if you can see something in the water a meter deep, then that should allow enough light through to the underwater grasses that are prime habitat for aquatic wildlife.

Our story contains the meat of the issue with the James — that although pollution controls have largely succeeded in cleaning up the river, daily human and animal impacts continue to send tons of waste, sediment and chemicals downstream.

The state, of course, has mandated upgrades in water treatment facilities throughout the state by 2011. And as Street told me in May, counties and cities along the James are slowly moving to development policies that take the river watershed into account.

Says, Dick McElfish, the director of environmental engineering for Chestefield County: “We’re looking at how we can reduce impervious areas, meaning roads, and all the runoff and how we can increase natural areas above and beyond what we’re currently doing.” He says the county has no formal effort yet to require what’s called low-impact design. “It’s not a requirement yet. It’s just a buzz word.”

As our story mentions, some localities are aggressively pursing these low-impact policies. Regionally, Street says, New Kent County has made notable efforts to pair its rapid growth with sound watershed management.

In Richmond, the most notable recent development is Councilwoman Kathy Graziano’s proposal to create a conservation easement along the James in the city limits.

With JRA’s press conference today announcing the "State of the James" report, you can expect to hear more about river’s health and preservation in coming days and weeks. —Jack Cooksey

Cabin Fever

2007-06-08T10:24:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton went in and out of jail* in less time than my 6-year-old has been incarcerated on the couch with a bucket and a thermometer perched close by. Having ventured no farther than my own mailbox in the past four days, I have had less exposure to the outside world than that schmuck, Andrew Speaker, the TB patient who has been on Larry King, Good Morning America and, if I have my facts straight, is set to head out on the American Idols tour this summer.

It has not been a good week. Johnny "Sixteen Mil" Johnson might disagree, however, having given Supervalu a courtroom beat-down this town usually reserves for lawsuits named (insert city agency here) v. Mayor L. Douglas Wilder. While Johnson was busy adding another "riches" to his rags-to-riches-to-rags story, I've been busy reaching for rags. Sweet mother of God, that's a lot of vomit for a 37-pound person! While she rages with conventional fever, the little one and I are crazed with the cabin variety. Since the quarantine began, our eyes have consumed:

7 episodes of the Brady Bunch (from the complete series DVD set the kids gave me for Mother's Day)

2 episodes of I Spy

1 Flintstones

4 Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

1 How the Grinch Stole Christmas

1/4 Leave it to the Real Beavers (Discovery Channel)

1 Beauty & The Beast

1 whole day's programming of PBS Kids

I must say my attention span seems to be slipping away, drip by drip, kind of like the pipe behind the first floor bathroom that every once in a while just starts leaking for no reason and then ... where was I? ... yes, my attention span seems to be getting shorter but happily the newly redesigned Times-Dispatch understands my suffering. Now I can read Q&A-type stories with hip, chatty language that recognizes that I am in the desirable 18-49 demographic and that I take my news like my men — light, breezy and not too deep.

The ice is melting too fast (yes, another study!), the Russians hate us again, Silvio might be dead, Darfur ... well, just Darfur, Bono refuses to answer my letters (hear me now, little Irishman, you will be mine!), the health insurance system is in a shambles (did you hear?), terrorists want to kill us and take over our malls and reprint our money, the housing market is in the toilet and neither TomKat nor Brangelina has yet to self-destruct and I'd be fine with all of it if my daughter's temperature would just drop to two digits so that I could return to a normal life of scrubbing toilets.

Insanity would be a welcome relief at this point. Spending 72 hours and counting locked up with your own children makes it easy to understand why someone would try to hurl themselves into the popemobile.

-- Janet Giampietro

* and back in...

The Week's Odd Dealings

2007-06-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

Former Sen./Gov. George Allen has filed papers to form a political-action committee to raise funds to put conservative candidates into office. Allen's PAC is called Good Government Action Fund (GGAF). Apparently Allen thought it would be a better idea to name his PAC something that sounded like "gaffe" rather than his initial name for it — My Action Committee Allied for Conservative America.

Saints be praised! Fighting Joe Morrissey is running for the 74th District House seat that will be vacated by Donald McEachin (who is making a run at Benjamin Lambert's 9th District Senate seat). If the gods of column writing are looking down upon me sweetly on June 12, Morrissey will triumph. However, if the gods of good sense should have their way ...

If I had no children to care for and nothing to do with my day, I would most certainly be camped out at Richmond Circuit Court with a bag of Doritos at the Johnny Johnson trial. Even reading it in the paper has been riveting in its weirdness. Not weird in a "what-kind-of-insane-hair-will-Phil-Specter-show-up-with-today?" sort of way, but, you know, Richmond weird. Strange enough has been the tale of the rags-to-riches-to-rags Johnson allegedly being driven out of business and to physical and mental ruin by Goliath supermarket chain Supervalu. But when you thought it couldn't get any stranger, here comes Jim Ukrop Himself, once the benefactor and mentor of Johnson, testifying for the defense that Johnson was not satisfied with slow growth of his businesses and bit off more than he could chew. "I was personally always trying to slow him down," Ukrop said. OK, so it's not exactly "if it doesn't fit you must acquit" but I'll bet that courtroom was breathless yesterday.

Speaking of weird — how about that Ray McAllister column about VCU and Oregon Hill? In a nutshell it said, “Give up, David. Goliath is not only big but also important. And also, big.” But what really seemed odd was the “quit ‘cher whining” tone the column struck. I must agree that it seems unlikely Oregon Hill will win this one but how can one expect after all these years of vigorously defending its borders and unique character that Oregon Hill — of all neighborhoods — would give up without a fight?

In the annals of suspicious stories (JonBenet, the Lindbergh baby, Pia Zadora's Golden Globe) it is hard to imagine one that rivals Andrew Speaker's. Speaker is the guy with TB who's been traveling all over the world coughing on people. OK, apparently he's not coughing — yet — but he has a particularly rare and dangerous strain of tuberculosis that is found in pockets of Russia and Asia. The story was bizarre enough when we learned that he traveled all over the world after being warned and eventually ordered not to and that he was let into the U.S. by border inspectors even though he was on a list to detain. Now this — the unbelievable stunner: his new father-in-law is a microbiologist at the Centers for Disease Control whose specialty is — wait for it — TB!!!! Everyone official insists the guy in no way contracted it from the CDC lab. Are you frickin' kidding me? —Janet Giampietro

Prepare to Have Your World Rocked

2007-05-31T08:59:00.000-04:00

Local geologists are predicting what they term a "significant seismic event" in the metro Richmond area on June 5. Oddly, the "event" will not originate underground but on the ground, the second that thousands of copies of the Richmond Times-Dispatch hit the driveways.

You see, next Tuesday, the paper will unveil changes to virtually every section of the paper.

It's instructive to remember what has happened every time the paper has tried to make the slightest changes in the past. Surely, the obituary section was overflowing last year in the weeks after some changes were made to it with the old people who just keeled over from the shock. At that time, the paper changed the typeface of the death notices, along with the way the listings were presented. Naturally, there was a great hue and cry and the paper retreated somewhat from the changes. There have been similar uproars over the placement of comics, changes to the TV listings and the Weekend section. Nobody ever seems to get up in arms about news coverage.

Nevertheless, the T-D is bravely jumping feet first with changes Senior Editor Rick Thornton called "subtle" in a piece on Sunday, May 20. You can almost hear the whole building over there holding their breath and trying to convince Old Richmond this next wave of change is nothing to worry about. "You may look at the newspaper June 5 and think, 'There's something a little different here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.' That's the goal," Thornton writes. An admirable goal, indeed, but when you then list 16 bulleted items of changes in a town with a reputation for regarding change as a proper and good thing only when it applies to undergarments and smoke detector batteries, you have to expect a little backlash.

It will be interesting to see how much sticks and how much the paper is forced to back down on. I will also be watching closely to see if there is an increase in canned content (oh, to be rid of "Today in History!" Really? Ted McGinley from Happy Days? His birthday is history?) I'm also curious to see where coverage of the arts is headed.

Tune in Tuesday. And let's get ready to rumble.

—Janet Giampietro

City Council, the Mayor and Change

2007-05-29T12:35:00.000-04:00

Given that I polished off a bag of microwave popcorn just last night, there’s a strangely chemical taste in my mouth this morning after seeing reports over the holiday weekend about PFOA, a likely cancer-causing agent that’s apparently coursing through the veins of most Americans. And, yeah, it’s said to be abundantly present in items such as microwaveable popcorn bags.

Small mercy, then, that today brings some distraction in the governmental realm. This afternoon, Richmond City Council will meet at 3 p.m. in City Hall in a “special hearing” to talk with Mayor L. Douglas Wilder’s administration about the panel’s rejection of Harry E. Black as the city’s chief administrative officer. Then, in its regular semimonthly session, at 6 p.m., the Council will vote on a package of budget items for the upcoming fiscal year, beginning in July.

In our May magazine, contributing writer Greg Weatherford wrote about Black’s career and professional reputation in light of Council’s confirmation vote, which was pending at time of publication. In considering Black for the CAO job, some Council members questioned his communication style and his qualifications.

Richmond Magazine spoke with City Council President William J. Pantele on Thursday, and the Councilman reiterated the panel’s concerns over Black. In our May article, our editors inserted some clarified numbers regarding the projected cost of two “emergency” outside audits by a Washington, D.C., firm that Wilder’s administration ordered to examine the schools and the city’s assessor’s office. The contract to audit the assessor’s office was for $269,000 while the schools audit was $224,000.

At the time, in mid-April, Black told our magazine that he projected the city would have to pay the D.C. firm about half of the total bill for those two audits, which would put the city’s outlay somewhere around $250,000. Weeks later, during one of the mayor’s town hall meetings, Black told a District 1 resident that the total outlay was expected to be $89,000. I confirmed this figure with Black last week, who said that the entire issue was enough of a moving target that he originally cited the best cost estimates he could at the time.

But the issue of changing numbers is what concerns Pantele, who says that in Council’s dealings with Black’s office it’s often “hard to get a straight answer.”

While Black’s resume shows experience in D.C. city government, Pantele says he thinks that Richmond needs a more seasoned senior figure — in the image of Chesterfield’s retiring county manager, Lane Ramsey — to help guide the city’s operations.

In the meantime, Council’s budget amendments, which face a final vote tonight, include another effort in the city’s general push for accountability. In light of City Auditor Umesh V. Dalal’s audit of the city fleets, Pantele pointed out last week that the Council has, so far, given a nod toward creating a new position, the Office of the Inspector General, to investigate and prosecute fraud and corruption in the city’s governmental ranks. It’s an idea borrowed from other localities in the nation, and according to Pantele, it’s a function that could help identify tens of millions of dollars in fraudulent city spending.

It’s an idea that’s likely even to get wholehearted approval from the mayor, especially given his assurances of keeping an open door and open mind.

—Jack Cooksey

“Some Assembly Required”

2007-05-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

In our June issue, which should be hitting newsstands and mailboxes any day now, we included a piece about the Virginia Center for Architecture’s upcoming exhibit “Some Assembly Required,” which explores the world of prefabricated homes. It should be noted that the exhibit, originally scheduled to open June 12, will now debut a few days later on June 15. The eight case studies of modern prefab homes — scale models, photographs and video interviews with the architects — will be on display through Sept. 30. For more information, call 644-3041. —Sarah K. McDonald

My Interrupted Regularly Scheduled Programming

2007-05-22T10:13:00.000-04:00

Last night, Monday, May 21, I was at my house going about my glamorous professional journalism life as I cleaned the cat boxes and unloaded the dishwasher (though not at the same time). The TV was going on, I'd tried to find appropriate background noise for these activities, and settled upon a History Channel show about pirates. Why pirates and why now? Those folks at History know on which side their bread is buttered. The next installment of the importantly talented Johnny Depp lerching around in a pirate costume is due out any minute. The History Channel is held in joint ownership by General Electric, Hearst Communications and Disney, the film's proudcer.

This was I guess around 12:30 or so.

An expert on a sailboat was talking about the variety of flintlock weapons pirates used when boarding a vessel. Then the image went out with a slight pop. The screen was not black, or blue, but this indeterminate grey, like some broadband fog. The image popped back, and we were a-pirating again. Then it occurred again. I'm thinking: those damn tree limbs out back, I gotta get them cut down. I reached for the remote to see what might be transpiring — back to CNN — and it, too, was grey. Then with a pop, I was seeing a wobbling video of ... a wrestling match? Looked small-time, not a big stadium, a huge guy slamming a tough little guy with a gleaming new metal trash can. No sound. Pop! Back with Anderson Cooper and some expert on the fomenting Lebanon, then POP! Back to the action on the mat, and one fighter leaping out of the melee then another going in and the crowd, a few hundred maybe, waving signs. And now I was really mystified. My cat box strainer scoop in hand, I started flicking channels and to my amazement learned that almost every channel between around 14 to 42 was broadcasting this strange wrestling match.

I confess that I got a little nervous.

Several things went through my mind at once as I stood transfixed by this ridiculous display that wouldn't be weird in any other context except this one. First, I was listening for outside noises: screams, car crashes, air raid sirens. Second, the Max Headroom Chicago television broadcast pirating incident of Nov. 22, 1987. Two separate moments on that evening, one during WGN-TV's evening news at 9 p.m. for a few moments and no video, and the second during a Dr. Who episode at 11 p.m. that went on for about 90 seconds. The character in the mask makes strange statements, there's a spanking, and out. This television pirate wasn't ever caught.

My wrestling match went on for I believe about 10 minutes.

I thought, also, about the French philosopher Jean Baudrillard who died on March 6. Perhaps he was the ghost in my machine. Baudrillard argued that the pervasiveness of contemporary media denies actual experience and that it manufactures a "hyperreality" that prevents authentic thought. The entire corpus of Baudrillard was understood decades ago by a woman my wife Amie knew. She was quite young, and the lady came to clean the house. She took a break to watch TV and when someone criticized her for watching soap operas, she just shrugged and replied that everything on television is a story. That is, the moon walk, assassinations, wars are indistinguishable from Days of Our Lives.

While transfixed by the blurry image of two sweaty bruisers in colorful costumes going at it with choreographed angry abandon in a chain link cage, I realized that whoever had hijacked this signal thought that a bold statement for the authentic was getting slathered across the television.

Except that it wasn't.

Wrestling is another one of our "stories." If somebody had instead come on and started reading a Baudrillard text (in French), sitting in front of a grey background, while wearing sunglasses and a jumpsuit, maybe that would've impressed me more, and perhaps been scarier.

I went out upon my front porch into the pleasant night air just to see if any havoc was unleashed by this event (thus proving that I am a 21st century U.S. man--thinking television has immediate effects on my physical world-- which it does sometimes in moments of great crisis). Would I encounter other residents of my street, in their shorts and T-shirts, blinking back at me, shrugging, calling to me, "Is this weird wrestling match on your TV, too?" But that didn't happen. Just me, the crickets, and a yellow crescent moon.

So on the Harry Kollatz Jr. weirdness meter, with 10 being a UFO landing in my yard, this ranks about three: a random event of unexplained origins, made more interesting because it occurred in the middle of a program about pirates.

The interruption winked out just as it had winked in, and I went back to the underworld caverns of Budapest and finding places for dishes that had not just become clean, but apparently multiplied while in the washer.

Trying to be a journalist, this morning I put in calls to Comcast headquarters in Philadelphia and to media relations here in Richmond. I was sent on a round robin of various one-named people in offices were their duties were pronounced too fast. One coherent Erica in customer relations here said she'd received one query about the late-night television interruption but she'd been provided no explanation.

If anyone else viewed this event, please comment. —Harry Kollatz Jr.

Update: Nothing To See Here.

The helpful Lisa Hartman, a regional Comcast spokesperson, jingled me after lunch. What happned was, Comcast schedules periodic technical maintenance for upgrades and such. These occur between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. While "making some changes and configurations," (The title of my first album) the Comcast channels were defaulting to our very own community access channel that was showing--you guessed it-- a local wrestling match. Hartman indicated that the sleeper hold put on the channels wasn't nationwide, nor did it even affect the entire region, just pockets, including mine.

All this proves me and the dead Baudrillard correct. No, this wasn't a forced interruption of the media-meta matrix, like when the Joker or V. or the aliens break into programming to denounce the establishment and make known their demands.

It was just a goof.

Rats.

This now goes to a .5 on the Harry "Show Me The Magic" Kollatz Jr. Weirdness Scale. Romance is dead. —Harry Kollatz Jr.